By Stress caused by a hectic life, falling out of love, or poor hygiene on the part of your partner are just some of the possible reasons why you might experience a lack of sexual desire towards your partner.
Sexual attraction to a partner is a much more complex phenomenon than we might anticipate. While for some, intimate connection may be rooted exclusively in physical appearance, for others, intelligence and personality play a central role in arousing desire.
But what happens when no factor is enough and you feel that your partner is not sexually attracted to you, either because they never did or because the initial spark has disappeared?
This is an area that requires, first of all, assuming the problem as such. On the other hand, it is essential to explore the reasons behind this lack of interest and to jointly address possible changes in the dynamics of the relationship. Join us to delve deeper into the subject.
When it has nothing to do with the other person, but with you
It is possible that the lack of sexual attraction towards your partner has nothing to do with her. Libido is dynamic and there are external factors that influence it. For example, it is proven that chronic stress wreaks havoc on sexual life , due to excess cortisol and adrenaline.
Other hormonal changes caused by specific medical and/or emotional conditions or by the use of certain medications may have side effects on sexual desire.
So, before you say “I don’t like my partner,” consider the possibility that you may be going through a stage in which sex is not a source of well-being and interest in your life. In this case, seeking the help of a health professional is a good alternative.
When it has to do with the couple
On the other hand, there are different scenarios in which you may feel low or no sexual attraction towards your partner. How to resolve each situation will depend on the specific nature of the problems and the willingness of both parties to address them.
Below, we will explore three different stories, each one presenting a specific context, and offer possible strategies for dealing with them. We invite you to pay attention to these stories, as one of them may resonate with you.
1. You were sexually attracted to him, but he stopped being so
Miguel and Paola enjoyed a passionate connection. They used to lose themselves in the complicity of their glances and caresses. But, as time went by, Paola began to notice that the intensity of her desire for Miguel had diminished. The nights of passion became more and more sporadic and the spark that used to ignite easily, now, barely appeared.
He sought her out, but she resorted to the typical excuses: “I had a terrible day at work, I’m really tired” or “I have a headache.” Paola felt worried and, at the same time, guilty about the distance that was created between them and about how Miguel might be feeling about the sexual rejection .
To do?
If you are no longer sexually attracted to your partner as you once were, it is important to find out why this has changed. Is it due to neglect of their appearance and hygiene? Do you have a crush on someone outside the relationship and are your attention focused there? Does the lack of attraction coincide with the loss of love? It is essential that you give yourself honest answers.
Next, it’s time for the difficult (but necessary) conversations. Open up a sincere dialogue with your partner about what you’re feeling and what’s worrying you. From this exchange, you can explore possible solutions that help restore desire in the relationship , if you both want to.
2. You like him, but you don’t feel physical attraction
Luis and Juan have been in love for a few months. They share tastes, interests and values, and so they build a solid emotional connection. But, despite the affinity in these aspects, Luis discovered that he never experienced a significant physical attraction towards Juan.
Except for the sexual aspect, he feels and shows deep love for her. This situation causes him great sadness and discomfort, and thoughts such as “I want to be with my partner, but I’m not attracted to him” or “I love my partner very much, but he doesn’t attract me sexually” frequently resonate in his mind.
To do?
The first thing you need to know is that attraction can develop over time, even if it wasn’t present at the beginning of a relationship. In fact, a study published in Interpersona suggests that we see those we love as more beautiful. As we develop a stronger emotional bond with someone, we tend to see them as more attractive.
But it must be recognized that, in some cases, despite efforts and emotional connection , sexual desire may not manifest itself in the desired way.
While there are many types of attraction , and a relationship can find ways to last by focusing on aspects other than the sexual, it is essential to face reality and talk about it. The important thing is that both are comfortable.
3. Differences in sexual preferences decreased attraction to your partner
Marcos and Sol have been together for seven years. They have shared life plans and a good emotional connection. Some time ago, she began to feel a certain boredom and the need to try new dimensions in intimacy. Meanwhile, Marcos feels comfortable with simpler and more conventional routines.
Sol has mixed feelings. On the one hand, she is committed to the relationship and plans for the future. On the other, it makes her very uncomfortable to repress her desires so as not to put their relationship at risk. The gap between their sexual preferences is increasingly evident.
To do?
Ignoring the problem will not solve it. In this case, it is essential to gather the necessary courage and address the issue. Finding joint solutions is the second step. It is pertinent to communicate to your partner what you like in bed (and ask him/her about his/her preferences), so that both of you can enjoy intimacy.
You can explore options that satisfy you, negotiate specific agreements, and perhaps consider the possibility of an open relationship .
However, it is essential to detect whether the disenchantment in the couple is not limited to the sexual area, but is generalized. In this scenario, it is certainly advisable to thoroughly examine the emotional and communicative dynamics between the two. Perhaps they will have to make painful decisions, because there is no point in sustaining a love that has lost its music.
Couples therapy as a key tool
It’s possible to shy away from intimacy because of a sexual slump, because you still have feelings for your ex, because the attraction is no longer physical, or because you don’t express how you want to be satisfied. Regardless of the reason why you’re no longer sexually attracted to your partner, it’s always a good idea to consult a psychologist.
Psychotherapy is a space capable of making a significant difference, because it offers an impartial perspective, practical strategies and tools that will help them understand and address the roots of the problem. In addition, the mediation of a third party would be very useful for them to learn to communicate in a more honest, empathetic and effective way.