What are “negative” emotions and what to do with them?

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Although it may surprise you, negative emotions can allow you to achieve fulfillment and human development. To achieve this, you just need to understand which strategy to apply at each moment. We will explain it to you.
Anger, sadness, loneliness, hatred, jealousy, fear, anxiety… Nobody likes to experience these psychophysiological states. So-called unpleasant or “negative” emotions often make it difficult for you to function in your daily life.  In fact, they are so uncomfortable that some people choose to repress them. However, this only makes the discomfort worse.

However, these reactions serve a biological purpose. Their goal is to facilitate your adaptation and survival. This explains the importance of being in tune and responding effectively to what you feel. Likewise, psychology insists on the need to not process them as something adverse, but as an internal reality that must be understood and accepted.

What are unpleasant or uncomfortable emotions?

Difficult emotions are biochemical reactions that generate an unpleasant feeling or an associated response. They arise in relation to certain events, thoughts or specific situations that we process as stressful or challenging. These mechanisms have made it easier for us, over time, to respond to environmental threats in order to advance as a species and social groups.

Another important aspect of these states is that they have an intense physiological basis. The release of certain hormones and neurotransmitters can deregulate you, alter blood flow, heart rate, brain activity, etc. Knowing how to listen to your body and understand how such emotions manifest in your body is a basic pillar of well-being.

Examples of “negative” emotions

While it is common to use the label “negative” when talking about these biological responses, always keep one thing in mind. They are all part of our DNA and, far from being counterproductive, they seek to motivate changes to facilitate your homeostasis. The problem is that most people operate in chaotic environments without leaving room to pay attention to what they feel.

In view of the above, inappropriate habits are acquired, such as repressing emotions in order to maintain functionality and productivity. If you recognize yourself within this dynamic, the most advisable thing is to improve emotional management skills, and the first step is to know how to detect them, stop processing them as “bad” and give them the name that corresponds to them. Some of these are the following:

  • Gonna
  • Hate
  • Jealousy
  • Fear
  • Anger
  • Envy
  • Sadness
  • Loneliness
  • Distress
  • Anxiety
  • Shame
  • Remorse

What causes unpleasant emotions and why do we have them?

Unpleasant emotions are a source of information and learning. They do not just happen, nor are they a random mechanism of the brain. They are reactions to real or unreal challenges and threats, and are the product of your attempt to survive in a complex reality. Understanding their triggers will make it easier for you to understand them.

  • Relational causes: dysfunctional family environments, relationship problems, social pressure, etc.
  • Biological reasons : diseases, chemical imbalances , hormonal changes, genetics, nutritional deficiencies, etc.
  • They are a survival mechanism: fear or anxiety are normal reactions to possible threats to your balance, well-being and survival.
  • They arise for external reasons: conflicts, losses, stressful environments, rejection, social exclusion, failures, social and structural reasons such as economic crises, war conflicts, etc.
  • Internal causes: fears, negative thoughts, traumas, lack of self-esteem, mental health problems, unrealistic expectations, loneliness, excessive self-criticism, learned conditioning, cognitive biases, etc.

What are its effects?

You have probably heard or read on more than one occasion that unpleasant emotions make us sick . How much truth is there in this? If these are normal psychophysiological reactions in human beings, why do they cause us harm? The key, as always, is in the correct management of these internal realities.

When stress becomes chronic or certain adverse experiences are not integrated, the risk of certain health problems arising increases. In this regard, a publication by Brain, Behavior, & Immunity – Health tells us how difficult emotions can mediate inflammation.

Furthermore,  elevated cortisol levels maintained over time have a great impact on the body. Not to mention childhood traumas, those painful experiences at an early age and their impact on children’s brain development (greater impulsiveness, lack of attention, etc.). Adversities, the feeling of fear and threat accumulated over years, can alter our well-being.

How to manage these emotional states?

In clinical practice, it is common to find patients who show serious difficulties in understanding and regulating their psychophysiological states. A study published in Emotion highlights the fact that judging emotions as “good” or “bad” has repercussions on one’s own psychological health. These negative evaluations give way to harmful coping mechanisms.

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A clear example of this is controlling what you feel or “patching up” the difficult emotion with escape behaviors (going shopping, eating unhealthy products, etc.). If you are now wondering what to do with these types of internal experiences, the truth is that there is a wide range of strategies that you can use.

Self-awareness and psychoeducation

Did you know that the purpose of tiredness in sadness is to induce stillness and introspection in you? Or that anger generates a physical activation so that you promote changes? Emotional psychoeducation facilitates the correct understanding of states that are generally unknown.

As described in a study by the University of Foggia , psychoeducational programs among students reduce levels of alexithymia , improve empathy and emotional regulation . It never hurts to start by better understanding these biological and mental processes. In this regard, there are specialized essays and books that can help you.

For example, neuroscientist Antonio Damasio is one of the most prominent exponents in the study of emotions. His work The Feeling of What Happens (2018) allows us to understand how emotions facilitate the construction of our consciousness and identity. For her part, Tiffany Watt Smith shows the social and cultural impact of these biological processes in The Atlas of Human Emotions (2022).

In addition to having these educational tools, it is important to develop good self-awareness. That is, the ability to know what is going on inside you. In this way, you will better connect with these “negative” emotions in order to understand their usefulness and act in a regulated way for your own benefit.

The neutral gaze: leaving space for the emotion felt

When dealing with difficult emotions, the most common thing is to ignore them. Even so, the role of these uncomfortable reactions is also to indicate that what you are doing in your life up to now is not working at all. You need to change your perspective, the way you look at these internal realities. To do this, consider the following:

  • Acceptance to facilitate change: If you focus all your energy and resources on denying, displacing or repressing that emotion , the discomfort will intensify. All positive change and healthy coping begins with the acceptance of the psychophysiological states that dominate you.
  • Neutrality as a strategy: This concept defines the ability to remove the negativity from unpleasant emotions, to see them as what they are: states of human experience that offer you timely information. The ideal is to do this without judgment, using resources such as imagination , seeing them, for example, as noisy trains that, just as they arrive, they leave.
  • Reflect to understand: If you have become accustomed to repressing your anger, it is likely to emerge in the most dysfunctional ways, for example, by shouting at your child or someone close to you. If you want to take control of your reactions, start by opening the door to these difficult states in order to understand them and know what they are made of. Before reacting, reflect and tune in.

Understanding the problem

“Negative” emotions often hinder cognitive processes.  That is, when anxiety and anger are present, it is difficult to think clearly. It can even decrease the ability to solve challenges efficiently . If this is your case, some strategies may be these:

  • Ask yourself what has caused this feeling: in essence, before you want to solve the problem, clarify what has caused it and what has led you to this situation of anguish, discomfort, sadness, etc.
  • Understanding is necessary to act: If you feel anger or rage, it is not enough to regulate this state. It is true that practicing deep breathing, meditating or going for a run will bring relief, but it will not solve the problem. The priority is to know what triggers it in order to then think about how to resolve this injustice or harm that takes away your calm.
  • Writing to clarify: One way to get to the root of these unpleasant emotions is to write. And asking questions like these can help: “What emotion or emotions am I feeling?”, “How long have I been experiencing them?”, “Have I felt them more often in the past?”, “What did I do to manage them?”, “What experiences, thoughts or people have caused these uncomfortable emotions?”

Create an emotional regulation kit

The University of Warsaw suggests that the more intense the emotions, the more necessary regulation techniques become.  They are, so to speak, the first step in managing these internal experiences. Although the ideal is not to become obsessed with always controlling what you feel.

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The healthy thing to do is to try to regulate what you experience, so as not to lead to dysfunctional behavior or states of discomfort. If you manage to reduce the psychophysical load of these responses, you will be able to think and act with greater balance. We offer you some keys to create your own survival kit.

  • Diaphragmatic breathing:  states of anxiety, anger and rage benefit from this type of breathing. It is a technique that uses the diaphragm to inhale deeply, allowing the abdomen to expand instead of the chest.
  • Drawing breathing: draw the rhythm of your breathing in real time in waves. When you inhale, it will be the upswings, when you exhale, the downswings. Now try to make these waves more separated so that your breathing becomes slower.
  • Expressing to heal: sharing with someone what you feel and being able to express what is distressing you without being judged and feeling understood, also acts as a magnificent exercise in emotional regulation. Don’t hesitate to turn to that special, empathetic person who always knows how to listen to you.
  • Human figure exercise: Draw a figure. In red, draw the areas where you feel the most tension in your body, and in blue, the areas where you feel calm. This technique makes it easier to let go of mental loops, to focus on how you feel the emotion in your body and locate it so you can name it.
  • Distraction technique:  When you are constantly ruminating and need to divert your attention to reduce the intensity of those emotions, the grounding technique can help. It consists of finding 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell and one you see.
  • My survival box: It consists of filling a cardboard box with items that bring you calm and well-being. In it, you could include cards with phrases that calm you down, such as, for example, “emotions are temporary, this too shall pass,” to photos that transport you to happy moments or small bottles of perfume that relax you.

Change what can be changed

There is undeniable evidence. We live in very demanding, changing and even chaotic social environments at certain times. Experiencing uncomfortable emotions is normal when your circumstances are abnormal or complicated. This is a small nuance that is always worth keeping in mind. In addition, to reduce its impact it is always advisable to make changes.

If something hurts you, distresses you or frustrates you, try to change what you can to regain balance. Rely on your environment, start by changing small things to gradually gain confidence and begin more drastic transformations, whatever you need in order to feel better.

On the other hand, as psychiatrist Viktor Frankl said in Man’s Search for Meaning (1946), “When we can no longer change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.” That will be the moment to accept your reality and seek professional help to be able to handle the suffering, the discomfort, the anxiety that does not cease, the sadness that cannot be cured.

Developing emotional intelligence (EI)

A “golden” tool for managing and understanding difficult emotions is undoubtedly emotional intelligence (EI). Developing this skill will allow you to improve your self-awareness, manage stress more appropriately, deal with conflicts successfully and optimize the quality of your social relationships.

Having good skills in this area will not make you more successful or happy. What you will achieve is to navigate your emotional, professional and personal world much better, to solve challenges and make better decisions by reducing your emotional reactivity and impulsiveness.

Difficult and overwhelming, but necessary emotions

Human beings would not have gotten to where they are without the genetic presence of uncomfortable emotions. They are part of who we are, they provide us with valuable information and learning. However, we live in a society that often falls into the “happiness trap.” It is as if we were obliged to feel happy, motivated and confident at all times.

However, a skilled and competent person is not someone who is always happy. A wise person is someone who knows what to do with their unpleasant emotions without repressing them or letting them get the better of them. Intelligent is someone who leaves room for what they feel without judging themselves, in order to find the best strategy and keep moving forward.  Even if this sometimes means asking for specialized help.