By Insults, intimidation and threats are some of the tactics that different mothers use to hurt their children. Explore the possible reasons behind these behaviors.
If your mother makes you feel bad all the time, it is very possible that you are dealing with someone who mistreats you psychologically. Identifying these types of harmful acts is key to setting limits and acting in favor of your mental health.
The consequences of being the victim of the absence of kind and loving treatment tend to negatively affect the way you relate to others and function in your daily life. Therefore, in this article we will give you several guidelines so that you know what to do and some explanations, so that you can better understand your mother.
What is psychological abuse?
This form of abuse focuses on a set of repetitive and systematic actions that undermine a person’s emotional well-being, self-esteem, and confidence. Psychological abuse makes the victim feel unwanted, unlovable, worthless, and imperfect.
Unlike physical abuse, psychological abuse uses, among other types of tactics, punishment, insults, threats, coercion, humiliation, and manipulation. Its effects are just as harmful as any other form of abuse.
Signs to recognize if my mother is psychologically abusing me
The patterns of interaction within a family are complex, which in turn makes it difficult to identify psychological abuse. Some people become so accustomed to these relational dynamics that they are unable to see family dysfunction . Below we present general signs of this form of abuse by a mother:
- Intimidation: uses threatening words or gestures to cause fear and gain greater dominance over you.
- Emotional manipulation : appeals to your emotions to control you and get you to do something he wants.
- Blaming: A victimizing mom makes you feel guilty all the time and holds you responsible for the bad things that happen to her.
- Humiliation: He constantly belittles you and treats you in a derogatory manner in public and in private. He says things that humiliate you.
- Destructive criticism: Using your mistakes and failures to make scathing comments that diminish your self-esteem and hope.
- Embarrasses or ridicules you: He makes fun of you in public and uses sarcasm to hurt you. He takes advantage of any opportunity he has to ridicule you in front of your friends or family.
- Parental neglect : the parent has no interest in your life or your needs. When you were a child, the parent did not meet your emotional needs and did not provide emotional support when you needed it.
- Insults: He approaches you in an offensive manner and shouts. His communication style is aggressive and he doesn’t miss any opportunity to make you feel bad with his words.
- Emotional invalidation : She denies and downplays what you feel. Your emotions are not important to her and she does not give them the validity they deserve. Instead of embracing your emotional world, she makes fun of it.
Reasons why your mother makes you feel bad
The reasons behind this behavior are multiple and difficult to trace. Each person has a life story that gives meaning to the way they treat others.
Despite this, below we will mention some possible general explanations as to why your mother is an emotionally abusive figure . It is worth clarifying that none of these reasons justify abuse, therefore, you should not allow it whatever the circumstances.
1. Difficulty dealing with stress
Stress can cause your mother to take out her frustrations on you. Financial, relationship, work, legal, etc. problems could be stressing her out a lot.
2. Psychological problems
Another possible reason why your mother makes you feel bad is that she suffers from a mental disorder: depression, anxiety, personality disorders (narcissistic, antisocial, BPD …), substance abuse problems, etc. These illnesses can disrupt her ability to regulate emotions and relate to you in a more loving way.
3. Lack of parenting skills
He or she does not know how to raise a person or how to show affection. Although this lack of skills does not fully explain dysfunctional behavior, it is possible that it contributes to aggravating the problem of abuse.
4. Maladaptive parenting patterns learned in childhood
If your mother was the victim of abusive parenting, it is likely that her treatment of you is related to her past experiences. Abuse is the only frame of reference she has for relating to you, because she got along with that abuse. This is stated in a review published in the Journal for the Study of Education and Development .
5. Unresolved traumas
Your mother’s behavior may be due to unresolved trauma. It is possible that traumatic events, physical or sexual assault, for example, make it difficult for her to have a healthy relationship with you.
6. Inability to manage emotions
Perhaps maternal psychological abuse is associated with her lack of ability to regulate her emotions . So, every time she feels overwhelmed by anger, your mother speaks badly to you or acts unkindly, because she does not know what to do with the anger or how to process it appropriately.
How do I react if my mom does hurtful things to me?
It’s important to take an active role if your mother makes you feel bad with hurtful actions and verbal aggression. Change will begin by taking a stand on the problem and committing to a different approach. Then, pay attention to the following suggestions.
Accept your emotions
Recognize that you are a victim of abuse and accept how you feel about it. Don’t fight or resist your emotions. Accept your feelings, without judging or criticizing yourself for experiencing them. At the same time, work to change the situation you are experiencing.
Define limits
Setting your boundaries and enforcing them is one of the best ways to counteract abuse. You need to be firm in standing up for your rights, integrity, and mental health. Despite the fear your mother may transmit to you with her intimidation and threats, it is essential that you stand your ground. It is important that, in the event of transgressions, you provide logical consequences.
Take distance
When you can’t stand your mom anymore because she refuses to change and treat you the way you deserve (with respect and love), the best thing you can do for your mental and emotional well-being is to restrict contact. Prioritize your peace and don’t allow your closeness to her to continue causing you more wounds.
Stop blaming yourself
The way your mother treats you is not your fault. Avoid accepting the idea that the abuse is your responsibility, because you behave in a way she does not approve of. You are the victim here. Rebuild your self-esteem and make a ritual to say goodbye to recriminations: write a letter saying “goodbye” to that feeling.
Have a support network
Seek the company and support of people who love you and want the best for you. Unburden yourself to them and ask for guidance in dealing with abuse. These support networks will also help you de-stress and not feel so alone in the midst of your troubles and problems.
Ask for professional help
One of the most important steps you can take is to seek psychological help. In psychotherapy you will learn to regulate your emotions and find effective ways to deal with abuse and its consequences.
Your life comes first
Psychological abuse from mothers is a very difficult reality for any child to live with. That is why, in this article, we have focused on knowing the possible reasons why your mother makes you feel bad and on the strategies to get rid of this problem.
On the one hand, you now know that the causes are multifaceted and range from stress to unresolved childhood traumas. On the other hand, you must also understand that the best way to deal with psychological abuse is to set limits, distance yourself, and seek professional help. Remember that, even if she is your mother, you are not obliged to bear the wounds that her behavior causes you.