By Have you been the victim of a narcissist? Do you feel like you trust too much in people who only seek to control you? We give you some clues to know if you are someone who can be manipulated.
“How do I know if I am a manipulable person?” If you have ever asked yourself this question, you will be interested to discover that it is a question that many people ask themselves. They do so when they are tired of dragging along failed relationships, painful bonds in which they feel exploited. These are, without a doubt, damaging experiences that undermine the state of mind.
The factors that mediate this reality are almost always low self-esteem and insecurity. Despite this, it is convenient for you to remember something. If someone hurts you, the problem is not always with you, but with the person who, with their bad practices, causes you suffering. Despite this, it is appropriate to have defensive strategies. We give you the signs below.
“When you find out what a person wants, you know who they are and how to start manipulating them.”
~ George RR Martin (A Storm of Swords, 2000) ~
Keys to knowing if I am a manipulable person
Manipulation is a type of coercion that seeks to modify your attitudes, emotions and behaviors in order to obtain a benefit from you. And , indeed, such a trick leaves consequences. For this reason, it is common for many people to go to psychological therapy because of a malicious connection with a partner, coworker or even a false friend.
It is also common for the person who practices this practice to always try to gain your trust. From that moment on, they will act in a Machiavellian way to detect your weaknesses and control you . We know that this is disturbing and that these are experiences that you do not want to repeat. But to defend yourself, it will help you first to know if you are a manipulable person. We will explain it to you.
1. You tend to please others
The journal Health Psychology Research conducted a study on one of the most common types of manipulation that exist: emotional blackmail. In this case, it was discovered that this factor made it difficult for college students to adjust to the academic environment. Well, if you wonder what variable usually appears among those who are most vulnerable to this dynamic, it is complacency.
Do some introspection and ask yourself if you are a person who needs to please others. Behind this dimension often hides the fear of rejection, abandonment and the fear of not being liked. It is always appropriate to evaluate these elements, because by doing so you discover which areas of your personality would be appropriate to work on to feel better.
2. You find it difficult to say no and confront
If you’re wondering how to know if I’m a manipulable person, consider whether you have a hard time saying no. For example, do you give in when a friend suggests a plan, even if you don’t feel like it? Do you find it difficult to say no to that family member who always asks for favors? Do you have trouble confronting your partner when he or she violates your rights?
The difficulty in setting limits on things you don’t want, don’t like, or bother you is due to your fear of offending. You worry that, with that assertive and clear “no,” the other person will feel hurt. However, think about it, in these contexts, it is often you who loses.
3. The effects of low self-esteem
Typically, the core trigger for your vulnerability to manipulation is low self-esteem. Current Psychology reports that relationship problems and perceived insecurity are a result of this factor. In some way, all of your relationships may be affected by this dimension.
The absence of this psychological variable is detected when you find it difficult to be yourself in interpersonal relationships. Also, when you feel that you are not worthy of the person you love. This negative self-perception gives the other party power to have control over you. The good news is that this construct is like a muscle that you can strengthen again.
4. You are an insecure person
“What if I make the wrong decision?” “What if I hurt this person by doing this or that?” “I don’t dare take this step, because I’ll surely be exposed to everyone.” Personal insecurity is like walking a tightrope and fearing that you’re going to fall off at any moment . This fear makes you constantly need the support of others.
Although there are always people you can rely on, sometimes people appear who take advantage of your lack of decision and confidence, in order to manipulate you and take advantage of you. Knowing this and realizing it is the first step to change.
If you feel that you have no other option than to stay in your current relationships, even if they hurt you, it is an unequivocal sign that you are a manipulable person. However, remember, becoming aware of this will always allow you to take responsibility for yourself in order to adopt new strategies. Those that will prevent you from being controlled.
5. You avoid conflicts
It’s true that no one likes problems and confrontations. But these dynamics are part of life and your social relationships. However, if you avoid conflicts at all times, it is very likely that you will find it difficult to resist the pressure of a textbook manipulator. This is a variable that should certainly be taken into account to know if you are a manipulable person.
This tendency to inhibition in conflict dynamics is often due, as pointed out in New Ideas in Psychology , to personality and even neurological factors. There are those who feel more motivated to confrontation and then there are those who feel threatened by it. In any case, these are situations that you can handle by learning new tools.
6. Problems setting clear boundaries
If you’re wondering how to know if I’m a manipulable person, focus on your ability to set boundaries. Do you think it’s effective? It’s possible that, in your environment, certain people treat you inconsiderately and you don’t know how to stop them. No one can deny that such a task is difficult, but we assure you that applying it safeguards your mental well-being.
Psychologists such as Tomás Navarro have very interesting books that offer strategies in this regard. His work, Your Red Lines: Learn to Set Boundaries, Take Care of Yourself, and Protect Yourself Emotionally (2023), is an example of this. Enabling yourself in this task will distance you from people with manipulative tendencies.
7. Lack of knowledge about manipulation tactics
Indeed, if you are not familiar with manipulation strategies or do not recognize the signs, it is very possible that you will not be able to protect yourself correctly. This is a subject that one learns with each disappointment, with each painful experience lived and in different contexts. If you need to know these indicators, we suggest the most common ones:
- Manipulators isolate you socially.
- They will manipulate your emotions and feelings.
- Constant threat and coercion appear.
- Little by little, lies and criticism emerge.
- Sometimes they stop talking to you as a form of punishment.
- They often compare you with others to put you down.
- They make you big promises that they rarely keep.
- At first they flatter you and validate you with endless compliments.
- They practice gaslighting , that is, they make you doubt yourself.
Recommendations to protect yourself from manipulation
The sad thing about manipulation is that it develops among your closest relationships. Sometimes, almost without realizing it, power ties are established in which you end up losing or being the most vulnerable figure. But this dynamic can change. To this end, we provide you with a series of recommendations that will protect you from the current reality:
- Don’t give in to what you don’t want : If you feel compelled to do something that goes against your wishes, principles or well-being, take the time to evaluate the situation and remember to protect your dignity.
- Connect with what you feel and react : the moment you feel that something is not right in a relationship, act. If you feel pressure, anxiety or even fear, pay attention to those feelings and do not ignore them.
- Value your independence and autonomy : you have the right to decide for yourself, to protect your self-esteem within any relationship. Don’t let anyone make you feel incapable of making decisions or believe that you are worthless.
- Know your values and priorities : clarify what is most important to you in a relationship and what lines should not be crossed. The clearer you are about these aspects, the easier it will be to recognize manipulative behaviors that may conflict with your principles.
- Strengthen your self-esteem : this psychological construct is not stable, certain situations and relationships can weaken it. Therefore, start new practices that allow you to validate and empower yourself as a person. As soon as you remember your worth, you will dare to confront manipulators.
- Boost your assertiveness: Social and Personality Psychology Compass , in a study, defines this relational competence as the degree to which someone stands up and speaks for their own positions when faced with someone who does not think the same. This skill will allow you to defend your rights and say “no” without guilt and “yes” without fear.
It is always a good time to put filters against manipulation
You may have experienced traumatic experiences due to this harmful behavior. Realizing that “I am a manipulable person” overwhelms and worries you, it is true. But we assure you that change is possible and with adequate strategies and new attitudes, you will be able to prevent this dynamic from arising again.
You deserve to create healthy bonds that you can trust, respectful bonds that make you flourish, without draining you, without diminishing you. Invest in yourself, develop the skills outlined here and you will discover positive changes. Also, if you feel that this is not possible, do not hesitate to ask for specialized help; it will guide you to empower yourself and put filters on those who hurt you.