By Low self-esteem can manifest itself in different ways: sometimes it is expressed as negative self-talk; other times, as unfavorable comparisons… If you want to know more indicators, keep reading!
Having good self-esteem is essential for emotional well-being and for having quality relationships with others . If you have low self-esteem, you will not only have difficulty relating to others, but your risk of suffering from depression will increase .
Detecting the signs of low self-esteem can help you improve the way you relate to yourself (self-talk) and to others. Identifying these signs can also help you find a way out of states of sadness, disappointment or even help you take charge if you feel low.
“The worst loneliness is not being comfortable with yourself.”
-Mark Twain-
11 signs of low self-esteem
Low self-esteem can be expressed in different ways and can be different from one person to another . Some people have low self-esteem in several areas of their life, while others may have it in a specific dimension, such as their job performance or body image.
The signs of low self-esteem can be more or less intense depending on the individual and the circumstances. For example, when faced with a failure or a negative experience, self-esteem tends to be low for a while, but returns to normal as the individual overcomes what happened.
Below we present 11 signs of low self-esteem. It is important to clarify that not all people with self-esteem problems show the same signs and that some may express some more than others.
1. You question what others say or do for you
An indicator of low self-esteem and often behind those negative thoughts about yourself is questioning other people’s feelings, words and actions towards you. What others do, say or feel about you causes you uncertainty.
There is no doubt that we all like to feel loved and understood. However, as articles suggest , people with low self-esteem tend to overvalue what others say or do and systematically question it. They think there is something suspicious behind nice words or displays of appreciation.
This is logical. Behind it there is a very coherent unconscious thought: How can someone else love me more than I love myself? How can someone respect me more than I respect myself? How can someone be kinder to me than I am to myself?
2. You are always on the defensive
As stated in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology , being self-protective or always on the defensive is another sign of low self-esteem. Insecurity and a lack of self-confidence keep you in an unjustified state of alert . This not only increases your stress levels, but also prevents you from being objective about what is happening in your environment.
Being defensive prevents you from clearly understanding what people are saying or asking you, and makes you feel uncertain about what others think. It also creates a state of fear and sadness that prevents you from enjoying what is around you. When you are defensive , it is easy for your attitude towards others to become rude, unpleasant or tense, if not violent.
On the other hand, by always being on the defensive you act by predicting the worst, so your reaction can be excessive and even out of place. This often leads to conflicts that, in the worst case, end up making your worst fears come true and reaffirming your point of view.
3. You try to avoid conflict by pretending everything is fine
However, it may also happen that you want to avoid a conflict and, to do so, you pretend that everything is fine. That is, instead of defending something fair or something that suits or interests you, sometimes you prefer to give up in order to avoid problems .
One reason you might run away from conflict is because of the distress it causes you. The results of a study published in Psychiatry Research suggest that people with low self-esteem feel a lot of distress over interpersonal problems.
The fear that others will get angry or belittle you for standing up for your opinion or claiming what is yours leads you to accept what they say or to nod in order to keep them happy. And in the process, the feeling that your opinion doesn’t matter or that what you want doesn’t interest anyone increases.
4. You compare yourself to everyone, even if there is nothing to compare
The habit of comparing oneself to everyone else is another sign of low self-esteem, as stated in publications in the European Journal of Psychology . In reality, social comparison is not negative. The problem is that people with low self-esteem overdo it in comparison, especially in those areas in which they come off poorly.
What’s more, a person with low self-esteem compares himself even when he has nothing to compare himself to and gloats over the result. As a result, not only does self-esteem decline, but feelings such as envy, the feeling of being abandoned or even of being the victim of injustice arise. All of this only serves to further undermine self-love.
5. You consider your achievements a matter of good luck
It is true that many of the things we achieve can be due to a stroke of good luck, at least in part. However, not everything is a matter of luck. Knowing how to take advantage of opportunities is essential to materialize that stroke of luck into an achievement.
However, if you have low self-esteem, you will not be able to recognize your own worth in what you have achieved. For this reason, you do not value your abilities or your efforts . What’s more, you do not consider others capable of valuing them, nor do you understand the compliments they give you in order to congratulate you or praise you. In a certain way, this attitude of giving luck the responsibility for your achievements makes you feel incapable and unmotivated, adrift.
6. You feel alone
Another sign of low self-esteem is that you avoid social contact . This is because you lack self-confidence during interactions and feel inadequate. Low levels of self-esteem are related to feelings of loneliness, mainly in adolescence, as indicated in an article published in the Journal of abnormal child psychology .
When your self-esteem is low, you think that you have nothing to offer others , so you avoid social encounters. Believing that you have nothing valuable to offer makes you fear rejection, since you believe that no one wants to be with someone who does not offer good things.
7. Negative internal dialogue
Low self-esteem also manifests itself through negative self-talk . When you speak to yourself in a derogatory manner, insult yourself, offend yourself or demotivate yourself, your self-esteem begins to decline, and as it does so, your self-talk becomes more negative.
So there is a close relationship between negative dialogue and low self-esteem . Both form a self-destructive feedback loop. The longer one persists, the more the other is maintained. Negative self-talk is the language of your self-esteem, listen to it and you will know how low your self-esteem is.
8. Excessive self-criticism
Another sign of low self-esteem is excessive self-criticism. You are very hard on yourself, on your defects and virtues . You tend to have a negative view of yourself and you negatively criticize the things you do, whether good or bad. In fact, different publications have analyzed the way in which self-criticism occurs and how it relates to personal growth and destruction.
This way of relating to yourself makes you feel incompetent, defective, incapable . Because you feel deserving of all your self-criticism, your appreciation for yourself diminishes over time. Typically, your criticisms end up reinforcing yourself more and more, which makes your negative thought pattern stronger.
9. You avoid challenges for fear of failure
Avoiding challenges is because you feel that you are not good, that you are not capable or skilled enough to achieve it. You may have everything at your disposal to achieve it, but you feel incompetent, you feel that you cannot handle the challenge.
One of the signs of low self-esteem is the fear of failure . When you avoid challenges, you also run away from the possibility of success, and in doing so, you give up the confidence you have in yourself. This causes your self-esteem to drop even further, because you fail to see how capable you are.
10. You have a negative vision of the future
Another sign of low self-esteem is that you do not see a promising future for yourself , as your negative ideas interfere with the process. The feeling of incompetence, self-depreciation and lack of confidence rob you of hope for a better tomorrow.
Since you can only anticipate negative consequences for your life, the future becomes an undesirable possibility that eventually materializes. This is because your thoughts cause you to behave in a way that confirms what you believe.
11. You are a people pleaser
Not all people with low self-esteem are complacent, but they can become so in interaction with other factors such as personality. In this context, complacency appears as a consequence of the negative self-evaluation that the person has of themselves.
Because you don’t value yourself enough, you need the appreciation of others, since you can’t get it from yourself. By requiring external validation and acceptance, you end up pleasing others to keep them in your life. Complacent behaviors can also arise from the fear of entering into conflict with other people. To avoid problems, it’s better to give in to what the other person wants.
Conclusion
In this article we have reviewed several signs of low self-esteem, including negative self-talk, defensiveness, fear of conflict and failure. Although these indicators are easy to recognize, they should not be used lightly.
Self-esteem is a complex construct in which other variables intervene . The best way to analyze it and identify the problems associated with it is to observe it in the context of the person’s life, understanding it from the history of each subject.
We invite you to reflect on your life and the value you attribute to yourself. Do you feel familiar with any of these signs? If you think you have self-esteem problems, we recommend that you visit a mental health professional.