By What are social skills and how do they influence interpersonal relationships? How can they be improved? We give you some clues in the following article.
Are you looking for new ways to improve your social skills? Do you know how to work on them to interact successfully in a wide range of situations? Throughout this article, we will look at the resources that constitute a harmonious combination of interpersonal, emotional and communicative elements with which to improve social competence.
Although acquiring them may seem complex, they are strategies that are learned and enable adaptive performance in society. We suggest you learn about them and enhance them in order to improve your personal development as much as possible.
What are social skills?
Social skills are a set of learned competencies that allow us to interact successfully and appropriately in any situation . It should be noted that they are a component of emotional intelligence. As Daniel Goleman explains in his book Social Intelligence , they are resources with a great impact on lives.
For cognitive psychology and learning theories, they encompass a set of behaviors, cognitions or thoughts and ways of reacting from an emotional point of view. In this sense, all people have the capacity to develop and improve these strategies to the maximum. The benefits are undeniable: we will tell you about them.
How social skills help
Social skills make human beings more apt and resourceful when it comes to living in society , a factor that brings you closer to happiness. Thus, in a paper published in the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, this relationship is highlighted.
In this research with student teachers, a significant relationship was observed between both variables. In addition, it had a unique impact depending on the gender of the young people.
- Social skills allow for more satisfying interpersonal relationships.
- They improve self-efficacy .
- They enhance one’s positive self-image.
- They develop self-confidence .
- Social skills mediate academic and work success.
- They allow adaptation to diverse and complex environments.
- They facilitate the ability to resolve problems and conflicts.
- They mediate in the improvement of empathy and social harmony.
What are the best ways you can improve your social skills?
There are different forms, behaviors and strategies that revolve around social skills. Below, we will delve into the most relevant ones, those areas that everyone is capable of enhancing a little more.
” We should spend less time classifying children, and more time helping them identify and cultivate their natural abilities and gifts .”
— Daniel Goleman (1995)—
1. Active listening
To be communicatively skilled, you need to master the art of listening . You need to be able to start a conversation, but also to maintain it, as well as tolerate pauses and show an active interest in knowing what your interlocutor is saying to you.
Studies such as those published in the International Journal of Listening indicate that this skill helps the other person feel understood. This harmonizes the dialogue and also the connection. Let’s look at some tips to optimize this area.
- Pay attention to the face of your interlocutor.
- Maintain eye contact.
- He nods with interest.
- Do not interrupt.
- Ask questions to clarify ideas: “ So, do you mean, what…? ”
- Control the impulse to make judgments.
- Show empathy.
Active listening is a cornerstone of social skills and involves knowing how to pay attention to others with all of your senses and empathy.
2. Good conversations
Among the most relevant social skills is effective communication or the ability to maintain good conversations .
Without them there would be no understanding or emotional connection, no agreements could be reached or a good rapport with others. Therefore, there are a number of points that should be worked on.
- Good conversations start with active listening.
- You have to know how to respect and understand others.
- It is advisable to express yourself clearly and assertively.
- Avoid monologues.
- Provide interesting information that fosters intellectual and emotional connection.
- Effective conversation also involves asking open-ended questions to clarify ideas.
- Pay attention to the other person’s non-verbal language.
- Apply openness and flexibility.
- Try to enjoy the communication process.
3. Master non-verbal communication
One of the leading experts on nonverbal communication is psychologist David Matsumoto. His book Nonverbal Communication : Science and Applications is a reference in this field.
One thing that is pointed out in this work is that in everyday interactions it is important to know how to read the microexpressions, gestures and movements of the interlocutors.
Non-verbal communication is an essential element of social skills because it allows us to “read” the emotions, feelings and attitudes of others, in order to respond and act accordingly.
4. Ask for help and make basic requests
This group of skills includes slightly more advanced social skills. Many people have difficulties with “help-seeking” behaviors or when apologizing. In this sense, techniques that seek to train assertive communication will be very useful .
In this context, another key aspect of skilled social behavior is being able to constructively give instructions or convey an order to another person to do something. Doing so respectfully and persuasively is key.
5. Know how to convince and persuade
Engaging in a conversation and trying to get the other person to change their point of view or behavior is a goal that everyone has probably felt at some point.
The art of persuading someone to do something is a very useful tool in the area of social skills.
Knowing how to convince with respect and effectiveness is a skill that requires some tools such as the following.
6. Empathy, one of the best ways to improve social skills
Social skills require a central axis that will enhance competence in this area: empathy. The effectiveness in understanding other people’s realities, feelings, needs and intentions is a decisive element for functioning in society.
Thus, work such as that carried out at the Catholic University of Eichstätt-Ingolstadt highlights the importance of training this dimension in educational settings.
Thus, in order to effectively understand and comprehend the feelings that other people harbor, it is essential to understand your own first. Emotional self-awareness is that link that acts as a starting point for developing good empathy.
7. Emotional regulation
Everyone has, at some point, conveyed an aggressive message. Anger or frustration can take over in any circumstance. Therefore, it is important to use self-control and good emotional regulation when communication becomes hostile. These are the steps that will serve as your allies in these situations.
- Become aware of what you feel without judging yourself for it.
- Name that emotion.
- Understand why that emotion is there.
- Finding a way to regulate and channel it without getting carried away by that difficult emotion.
Always try to pause and think before communicating aggressively.
8. Knowing how to say “no”
Knowing how to say “no” to something that causes you discomfort, pain, or that you perceive as an injustice, improves interpersonal relationships. To succeed in a social interaction, you also have to know how to set barriers or limits to certain messages and behaviors that have the potential to harm you .
It is important to know how to respond to messages that seem antagonistic to you with skill and assertiveness, as Sonia González points out in her book Asertivos: 21 claves que transformarán tus relaciones interpersonales con inteligencia emocional (Asertivos: 21 claves que transformarán tus relaciones interpersonales con inteligencia emocional). These are some of the keys.
- Reflect on your needs.
- Be clear and assertive when stating what you do not want.
- Provide arguments as to why you don’t want something.
- Be careful with non-verbal language.
- Offers alternatives.
- Don’t feel guilty about giving negative feedback; it’s part of communication and interpersonal relationships.
Assertiveness is the mechanism that facilitates social skills by allowing for safe, clear and respectful communication.
9. Plan
If you want to improve your social skills, it will be very helpful to know how to plan. Given the complexity of everyday environments, having good skills in this area will facilitate any activity, such as managing time or better articulating communication or problem-solving processes.
Knowing how to plan means having a good ability to anticipate and prioritize realities with which to better face any circumstance.
10. Social skills and knowing how to cooperate
Cooperation skills act as social facilitators in any context . Thanks to them, synergies are simplified with which to achieve objectives jointly and advance as groups in any scenario.
Likewise, it is not only essential to know how to cooperate at work; relationships with partners, family members, or friends also require this practice. These are the tools that will allow you to create more collaborative scenarios.
- Knowing how to listen and communicate.
- Be skilled at transmitting information.
- Transmit confidence.
- Listen to and value other people’s proposals.
- Knowing how to reach agreements.
- Motivate .
- Reward and validate others.
- Be skilled at reaching joint consensus.
11. Conflict resolution
If there is one aspect that you can never avoid in life in society, it is disagreements and conflicts .
Far from being a threat, they act as opportunities to strengthen ties between groups in order to move forward with greater strength and resilience. Therefore, if you want to develop your social skills to the fullest, do not hesitate to improve your skills in this area.
Studies such as those published in Frontiers in Psychology suggest that any transformative solution always requires the ability to resolve interpersonal conflicts. In this sense, good communication, assertiveness, emotional regulation and avoiding the blame game are decisive elements.
What mechanisms allow you to learn new social skills?
There are at least three paths or mechanisms with enough potential to allow you to integrate new skills , as well as to maintain them.
1. Interpersonal feedback
A message can be communicated through language, facial expression, or emotions.
The person you interact with will also communicate through gestures, body postures, and eye contact.
The information that arises from this interaction between your message and the other person’s reaction will allow you to adjust your communication .
2. Observation
Everyone is capable of learning new habits based on what they observe around them.
For example, there are children who imitate their parents and understand from a very early age that it is not necessary to shout in order to communicate; it is enough to use a relaxed tone. This observed behaviour will also be applied at school. This process is called ” modelling” in psychology .
3. The reinforcement
Reinforcement is one of the mechanisms with the potential to explain why certain social skills are enhanced throughout life, to the detriment of others.
That is, if a skill is useful to you in the present, it will be reinforced and you will implement it more frequently in the future; or, on the contrary, if it harms you, you are likely to avoid it.
Boost your personal development with these ways to improve social skills
Ways to improve your social skills refer to a multitude of behaviors that can boost confidence when interacting with others.
Thus, techniques such as active listening, emotional regulation , non-verbal communication or the art of mastering good conversations are authentic pillars of success in any context.
Although becoming socially skilled can be difficult, these guidelines will make it easier and more inspiring. In addition, there are effective interventions to increase these skills, such as cognitive behavioral therapy .
Within this model, it is possible to find the scope of training in social skills. Therefore, if you are aware that you are having difficulty in starting or integrating these tools of life and interaction, do not hesitate to consult with specialized professionals. Everyone deserves to develop their maximum potential.