By Being emotionally dependent on a friend is more common than you might think. But if timely measures are not taken, this can affect the dynamics of the relationship and personal well-being.
We’ve all had a friend who means the world to us, but what happens when that relationship becomes an unhealthy need? Emotional dependency in a friendship can be a trap that’s hard to spot and even harder to overcome. It leads us to question our worth, our independence, and ultimately, the quality of our relationships.
Imagine Carlos, who can’t go a day without talking to his friend Luisa, and feels that his happiness and well-being depend entirely on that bond. This reality not only affects Carlos, but also Luisa, who begins to feel suffocated and responsible for her friend’s happiness. We share some tips for handling this situation.
What is emotional dependence?
We talk about emotional dependency when we refer to that pattern of behavior in which a person feels an excessive need to receive attention, approval and emotional support from another person. This can be a friend, a romantic partner, family members or authority figures.
A study published in the journal Anxiety and Stress indicates that young people who are emotionally dependent tend to have low self-esteem and are more prone to suffer from symptoms of anxiety and depression. This is because they are people who have difficulty feeling secure and valuable in themselves and seek external approval and affection to feel complete and satisfied.
Some characteristics that reveal dependence on a friend include the following:
- Difficulty being alone: Significant discomfort or distress when you are not in contact with your friend.
- Fear of rejection: Experiencing fear of abandonment or intense anxiety about the possibility of being rejected by your friend.
- Identity fusion: losing sight of your own interests, values, and goals and adopting those of your friend in order to maintain closeness.
- Self-sacrifice: Putting your friend’s needs and desires above your own, even if it causes you discomfort or harm.
- Demand for constant validation: feeling that your decisions and actions need to be validated by your friend to be correct or valuable.
5 tips for handling emotional dependency in a friendship
If you find yourself constantly waiting for approval to feel good about yourself, or you notice that your best friend can’t make decisions without consulting you first, it’s time to do something about it. This dependency can create tensions and imbalances that, in the long run, damage the bond. Check out some strategies to control emotional dependency .
1. Recognize the problem
This type of dependency makes it difficult to make independent decisions, generates low self-esteem and increases the fear of being alone. So, the first step to controlling it is to recognize that it exists and is damaging your friendship.
Emotional dependency often leads to stress and resentment, as the friend who feels burdened by the constant need for support and validation may begin to distance themselves. In addition, the relationship can become unhealthy, preventing both from growing and developing as independent individuals.
2. Strengthen self-esteem
In a study shared by Sakarya University, it has been highlighted that if a person has low self-esteem and is emotionally dependent, they are more likely to develop anxious attachment styles where they feel insecure and need the affection of others to be well.
When you build healthy self-esteem , you feel more confident and less likely to rely on others for your happiness and validation. Likewise, strengthening your self-esteem allows you to recognize your value as a person and facilitate healthier, more balanced relationships.
To achieve this goal, work on personal goals that interest you. Achieving these goals, no matter how small, helps improve your self-confidence . Also, spend time with people who support you and make you feel good, and stay away from those who criticize you unfoundedly or make you feel inadequate.
3. Set healthy boundaries
In any relationship we have with other people, whether it is friendship, family, love or work, establishing and respecting personal boundaries is crucial to avoid emotional dependency. This helps you define your own needs and expectations, allowing both you and your friend to stay in a relationship that respects each other’s space and well-being.
Healthy boundaries with friends prevent emotional burnout and foster greater mutual understanding and respect. Here are some techniques you can use to set boundaries in your friendships:
- Be firm, but flexible: It’s important to be firm about your boundaries, but also be willing to negotiate when necessary. Flexibility in communication helps find a balance that works for both of you.
- Communicate your needs clearly: Openly and honestly explain how you feel and what you need in the relationship. If you need time for yourself or are overwhelmed by the amount of contact, let them know in a direct and respectful way.
- Establish personal times and spaces : Dedicate time to yourself, reserve certain days or times for activities that you enjoy alone, and communicate these times to your friend so that he or she understands and respects your need for space.
- Use “I” instead of “you”: When expressing your boundaries, focus on how they affect you rather than pointing out what the other person is doing. For example, instead of saying, “You always invade my space,” say, “I feel stressed when I don’t have time for myself.” Setting boundaries is part of self-love .
Boundaries help you identify and walk away from toxic relationships you may not even have known you were in. When people don’t consider your terms, you realize that some of your friends may not be respecting you the way you deserve.
4. Encourage independence
To reduce emotional dependency in friendship, it is necessary for both parties to develop their autonomy . This way, they can feel secure in their own ability to make decisions and manage their emotions without relying on validation or support from others.
In the spirit of cultivating greater independence and building more balanced and healthy relationships, start by doing what you are passionate about. This will bring you satisfaction and purpose outside of the friendship.
Including professional, academic or personal goals also helps you grow and develop as an individual. Likewise, learn to accept and value yourself as you are , without waiting for the approval of others.
5. Seek professional help
If you feel that emotional dependence on your friendship with another person is deep, going to mental health professionals, such as therapists or counselors, is beneficial to explore the roots of your emotional problems and develop effective strategies to overcome them.
Expert intervention can provide you with an objective perspective, as well as techniques and tools that strengthen your well-being and improve your interpersonal relationships . In therapy, it is also possible to learn skills to manage your emotions , establish healthy boundaries, and build stronger self-esteem.
Work on your mental well-being and break the emotional dependence on friendship
The path to a healthier friendship begins with small steps and conscious choices. By working on your mental wellbeing, you not only benefit yourself, but you also enrich and strengthen your bonds.
If you identified your friendship with some characteristics attributed to emotional dependence, put into practice the advice we share with you. It is time to take the step to get out of that circle, preserve the bond and be at peace with yourself.