By Arguments are an inevitable part of any relationship, and handling these conflicts appropriately is crucial to maintaining a healthy connection.
Having an argument with your partner can leave you feeling hurt, frustrated, confused, and unsure of how to act afterwards. However, instead of letting the conflict drag on and create more distance between you, it’s important to take steps to resolve the situation constructively.
A study published in Current Opinion in Psychology reveals that conflicts in romantic relationships are often very stressful and affect the satisfaction and duration of the bond. Therefore, the way each person handles arguments has an impact on the quality and strength of the bond over time.
The key is to learn how to handle things effectively and foster healthy communication. Acting with empathy, care, and respect not only helps overcome discomfort, but also strengthens the bond. Below, we’ll explore some actions you can take after a fight.
1. Pause to acknowledge your emotions
Accepting the emotions that both you and your partner may be experiencing is the first step to managing them in a healthy way. Arguments often trigger a variety of intense feelings, such as sadness, anger, frustration, or confusion. Acknowledging them without judging them makes a big difference.
2. Take time to take care of yourself
Give yourself plenty of time to cool down before trying to resolve the conflict . This gives you the opportunity to reflect on what’s happening without getting carried away by intense emotions. After arguing with your partner, it’s crucial to take care of your emotional well-being. Fights can leave you exhausted and stressed, so it’s important to recover and reconnect with yourself.
Relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, meditation or even a walk help reduce tension and clear your mind.
Prioritizing self-care not only benefits better management of your emotions, it allows you to be in a better position to confront and resolve conflicts constructively.
3. Reflect on what caused the problem
What triggered the argument? Were there any misunderstandings or incorrect assumptions? This step will help you better understand the root of the conflict and avoid similar situations in the future. It will also help you identify areas for improvement in the relationship and better manage the problem .
On the other hand, you might want to think of possible solutions or compromises that will resolve the dispute. This will help you feel more in control and also shows the other person that you are committed to finding a solution together.
4. Identify negative behavior patterns
Before you dare to talk to your partner about what happened, it’s important to identify and change the negative patterns of behavior that repeat themselves in your fights. These can include habits like interrupting, yelling, avoiding the subject, or resorting to name-calling and blaming.
Analyze how you tend to behave during confrontations and identify those destructive patterns. Once you pinpoint them, work on changing them. For example, if you tend to interrupt, focus on listening and letting your partner express his or her thoughts before responding. If you tend to raise your voice, make an effort to keep your tone calm and respectful.
5. Express your feelings in the first person
Despite all the negative emotions that may have been triggered by the argument, when acting afterward, try not to blame or criticize your partner. And keep in mind that it is always better to express your feelings and needs in the first person to avoid making him or her feel attacked. For example, you could say:
- “I need us to be able to discuss this so I feel heard,” instead of “you always ignore me.”
- “I wish we could try to talk about this even if it makes us uncomfortable,” instead of “you always avoid difficult conversations .”
- “I feel frustrated when we can’t talk about what happened,” instead of “you never take my feelings into account.”
- “I feel like we’re not on the same page when we avoid talking about these issues. Can we try to address it?” instead of “you never want to talk about what’s bothering us.”
Similarly, try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and consider their feelings. Understanding their perspective can help you approach the conflict in a more empathetic way and avoid misunderstandings.
6. Don’t rush the resolution
Remember that it is not necessary to resolve everything immediately. Allowing space for both parties to calm down and process their emotions will facilitate a more constructive conversation. This time also helps to avoid impulsive reactions that tend to make the situation worse. So try to calm down, reflect on the conflict and look for possible solutions .
7. Consider going to couples therapy
If recurring arguments are affecting the health of your relationship and you are unable to effectively resolve conflicts, consider seeking professional help. A couples therapist offers an objective perspective and provides helpful tools to improve communication and manage conflict.
Couples therapy helps identify destructive patterns in relationship dynamics and teaches techniques to address them constructively. It also provides a safe space to explore emotions and concerns that are difficult to discuss on your own.
When is the best time to try to resolve the conflict?
Each person processes their emotions differently and it may take more or less time for them to want to talk to their partner about an argument. Therefore, the best time to try to resolve what happened is when both of you are calm and willing to listen.
It is crucial not to address the issue if one or both of you are still very upset, as this can lead to further confrontation. When handled in the best possible way, disagreements can build healthier relationships .
If you are ready to talk, choose a quiet time, free of distractions, and make sure you are both in a stable emotional state. This allows for a more constructive conversation and makes it easier to find effective solutions.
As for the most beneficial types of communication during couple conflicts, it has been suggested that direct and oppositional forms (saying things clearly and firmly) can be useful to solve serious problems that need change.
On the other hand, using indirect and cooperative communication, where things are said in a more subtle and considerate way, is ideal for minor problems or when one of the members feels insecure. So, depending on what has happened, keep these recommendations in mind and always try to express yourself with respect and empathy.
What actions should I avoid after an argument with my partner?
After a big argument with our partner, it’s easy to get carried away by the intense emotions of the moment and act or say things we may regret. And since the way we communicate affects conflict resolution and the quality of the relationship, it’s important to know what we feel and what we want to say. In order not to make the situation worse, it’s important to avoid the following actions:
- Never respond with anger or aggression: impulsive reactions intensify the problem, make resolution more difficult and affect the quality of your bond.
- Avoid making accusations or blaming: Don’t accuse your partner or make them feel guilty. Instead of focusing on each other’s mistakes , focus on how you feel and find solutions together.
- Don’t reopen old wounds: Avoid bringing up past conflicts that are not related to the current discussion. This can derail the conversation and make things more complicated.
- Don’t use silence as a punishment: Ignoring or being distant after a fight can increase tension and make the situation worse. It’s better to keep communication open, even if it’s difficult.
- Don’t involve third parties: Don’t talk about what’s happening with people outside of the situation. This can lead to misunderstandings and make the situation worse. If you want to talk to someone, it’s better to find a therapist or a trusted friend.
What to do if your partner is not willing to talk about the problem?
If after a couple of days your partner still doesn’t want to talk, the first thing to do is give them space. Forcing a conversation can make the situation worse, so express your desire to calmly resolve the issue and suggest a future time to discuss it.
When this happens, always try to stay calm and control your tone of voice and body language so that the conversation doesn’t turn into a confrontation. Listen attentively without interrupting, focus on the specific problem instead of attacking their character, and instead of imposing a solution, work together to find a compromise that works for both of you.
If the resolution becomes tense, try to understand the reasons and consider seeking therapy. In these cases, a qualified professional can be a great help to your relationship.
Manage couple arguments better and build a healthier relationship
Arguing with your partner is a normal part of any relationship. So keep in mind that the important thing is not to avoid conflict at all costs, but to know how to manage it constructively. By understanding the emotions involved, communicating assertively, and looking for solutions together, it is possible to turn disagreements into opportunities to strengthen your bond.
Remember that forgiveness and reconciliation are essential to healing emotional wounds and building a stronger, more harmonious relationship. With the right approach, every problem can be an opportunity to grow and deepen the connection.