By To manage these angry outbursts, it is very useful to learn to identify the body’s signals, distance yourself when necessary, and focus on your breathing. Explore more psychological tips.
You come home after a tiring day. You want to rest, but when you enter you find chaos: shoes strewn about, the table full of papers and endless toys in the living room. You notice that your partner arrived at least five hours ago and you wonder why he didn’t tidy up a bit? Your frustration grows, your pulse quickens, you feel like you’re going to collapse and you won’t be able to control one of your fits of rage.
It is true that this scenario could trigger an angry outburst, but it is good to keep in mind that this does not justify it and would have consequences. In times like these, it is essential to have some strategies to prevent the situation from becoming even more explosive.
To this end, we will explain useful methods in a context of anger. But first, it is pertinent to know what causes them and how they develop.
What are anger attacks?
Rage attacks are those episodes of emotional explosion that arise as a response to the frustration, anger or irritation that we accumulate and do not know how to handle. In these moments , the person reacts impulsively and violently, until they feel that the situation is getting out of hand.
Furthermore, this state of anger shares similarities with depression , since both represent dysfunctional manifestations of internal discomfort. In fact, it is common for both realities to coexist in the same person.
Causes of these outbursts
We cannot attribute the causes of anger attacks to a single reason, since it usually involves a set of psychological factors that we will list below:
- Self-control problems
- Difficulty managing stress
- Accumulated frustration or discomfort
- Lack of communication skills
On the other hand, the consumption of alcohol and certain drugs tends to exacerbate anger; they are linked to violence, in terms of inhibiting the ability to control oneself.
Phases of anger attacks
Although at first glance an angry outburst seems sudden, it actually goes through several phases before manifesting itself fully. These stages vary from person to person, but generally include the following:
- Emotional build-up: upsetting situations are experienced and not resolved. The build-up is gradual, but there are times when the load increases abruptly due to specific events, such as missing the bus just before a meeting. Without solid resources to manage emotions , sudden tension leads to excessive anger.
- Triggering event: At this point, something happens, often seemingly insignificant, which acts as the straw that breaks the camel’s back. For example, after a stressful day, having an argument with your partner or forgetting your house keys at work.
- Explosion: the emotion is at its peak of intensity. The accumulated charge explodes, manifesting itself in strong verbal expressions, insults, aggressive gestures and even blows. The person rarely reasons; rather, he or she acts impulsively, letting himself or herself be carried away by the discomfort of the moment.
- Gradual calm: Emotional agitation gradually subsides. It is like the calm after the storm. What is experienced is temporary and usually decreases in intensity within a matter of minutes.
- Discomfort and remorse: This does not always happen, but it is common for a person to feel guilt or shame when they become aware of what happened. This is especially true if, for example, they expressed violence towards someone or are worried about the impact their reaction will have on their health and relationships.
Psychological strategies to control anger attacks
Beyond avoiding bad times, learning to control anger helps us build a more balanced life and solid relationships. And this is a task that takes place before and during episodes. Let’s look at the strategies in each case.
Techniques to prevent bursting
Prevention is better than cure, says a popular saying. In line with this wise advice, here are a set of suggestions to control the accumulation of anger, preventing it from leading to angry outbursts and then regretting the consequences.
Take responsibility
It is crucial that you recognize that you have a problem with expressing anger and aggressive behavior . Taking responsibility for this is the first step toward positive change.
Include relaxation methods in your daily life
Make time for activities like yoga , meditation, and mindfulness in your daily life. You don’t have to become a guru in these disciplines , but becoming familiar with them will help you relieve tension in a functional way. Plus, you’ll become better equipped to deal with everyday stress.
Identify and eliminate your false beliefs
It is possible that certain erroneous beliefs contribute to your inadequate anger management, for example, “I gain respect by being angry,” “I have to be aggressive to get what I want.” Forget about these thoughts.
Specify the situations that usually make you angry
Angry people often experience deep anger as a result of a few recurring situations, those that seem to trigger an intense emotional response. Traffic congestion, problems with cohabitation, or unfair accusations are just some examples of triggers. Recognizing which events are causing you discomfort is very useful.
Techniques to apply at the moment
Now, what happens if we are already in the midst of a raging storm and need to land? At these times, the strategies we must employ are different than before, because emotions are running high. Take note.
Listen to your body
Recognize bodily warning signs of rising anger, such as changes in breathing or muscle tension. These physical indicators are early signals your body sends to warn you of escalating emotions. Also, pay attention to other signs that would anticipate an angry outburst, such as clenching your fists or raising your voice.
Apply strategic retreat
Sometimes, it is better to take a step back. When you notice that your anger is reaching a high level, take a step back and get away from the situation that is making you tense. This behavioral strategy is also known as “time out” and is very effective in controlling anger attacks, regaining calm , reflecting on what is happening and avoiding impulsive reactions.
Taking a walk, connecting with nature, breathing fresh air when you feel anger taking over, helps to relax the mind and drain harmful emotions.
Count down and breathe
Practice mental counting down. From ten to one, inhale and exhale with each number. This simple method helps you focus on your slow breathing and calm your nervous system.
Appeal to humor without falling into sarcasm
Take a good-humored approach to the situation that is affecting you, and you can even express what you feel through it. But be careful not to fall into sarcasm, because you could hurt the person in front of you.
Consequences of not knowing how to handle them
Anger is not pathological by nature; no emotion is pathological by itself. In fact, in the right measure, and with a healthy expression, all emotions serve an adaptive function. But getting angry excessively is harmful to our health . When we fail to manage our anger in an appropriate way, things can get complicated.
Failure to deal with excessive anger in time would result in rages that are difficult to control, the negative consequences of which include damage to our relationships, an increase in stress that affects physical and mental health , and the possibility of making impulsive decisions that we will regret later.
Work on your anger in psychotherapy
Learning to control anger attacks is not a goal that can be achieved overnight. On the contrary, it requires time, patience and dedication. In this process, it is essential to address your anger in a deep and personalized way, as well as the way you express it.
In this scenario, psychotherapy is an invaluable tool. Through it, you will have the opportunity to explore the underlying roots of your anger, learn to communicate assertively , and improve your problem-solving skills. If you identified with this article and consider it necessary, do not hesitate to ask for help.