By Misunderstandings, small differences, anger, distances… If you see that one of your friendships is about to break up and you want to get it back, in the following reading we give you the keys to achieve it.
Relationships, like bones, also break. However, there are always bonds that are more important to you than others. And, if there is one thing you want, it is to avoid that final fracture. To recover a friendship in crisis, for example, it is advisable to give yourself some time to reflect on what happened. Only then will you be able to heal the connection and repair it with the right nutrients.
Breaking ties with a friend can hurt as much or more than letting go of a partner. So, if you really want to save this relationship, you have to make an effort, use empathetic communication to put criticism and resentment aside. The journey of life becomes much more enriching with these presences at your side, so we explain what resources will be your allies.
“What is a friend? A single soul inhabiting two bodies.”
~ Aristotle ~
Keys to recover a friendship in crisis
Cicero, the famous Roman philosopher, writer, and orator, wrote a wonderful essay entitled On Friendship in 44 BC. In that work he said the following: “All I can do is urge you to put friendship before every other concern.” Few spheres are more decisive for human beings than these ties; preserving them is an essential task for your well-being .
Therefore, when trying to recover a friendship in crisis, it is important to remember the value that person has for you. As long as the bond is healthy, authentic and decisive, invest all your emotional resources in healing it. This craft, moreover, must be reciprocal. The other person must also add wills. We describe how to act.
1. Reflect on the situation
Avoid responding on autopilot. Obviously, these problems that distance you make you want to do whatever it takes to repair what is broken. But to heal a relationship, it is necessary to first reflect on what led to that point. Every crisis requires a thoughtful, analytical and prudent approach when acting. Take note of some strategies:
- Assess what could have gone wrong with your communication style .
- Analyze the factors that led to this situation.
- Reflect on whether affection, love and trust are still present.
- Understand your emotions and put yourself in your friend’s shoes too.
- Think about what steps would be most appropriate to take from this point on.
2. Demonstrate willingness to repair
Robin Dunbar is a renowned anthropologist, psychologist and biologist who is an expert in interpersonal relationships. In one of his studies, published in Trends in Cognitive Sciences , he recalls the importance of friendship for your well-being and happiness. But he adds a detail: maintaining these ties is costly and requires investing numerous cognitive and emotional efforts.
So, when it comes to recovering a friendship in crisis, you need to put in the effort. It’s not enough to meet up for a coffee and “talk about our stuff.” You need to show interest, empathy and sincere concern for building bridges. In this sense, applying the following tools will be very useful:
- Express how you feel when you perceive that your friendship is in crisis.
- Avoid WhatsApp messages and ask for a face-to-face meeting.
- Explain that you want to make amends and learn from what happened.
- Make it clear to the other person that you will invest efforts in saving that bond.
- Try, at the same time, to honestly explain to him or her what this relationship means to you.
3. Find solutions through good communication
If you and your friend have been life partners for many years, it is very likely that good communication is your strong point. Take advantage of it. The ideal is to start a dialogue that avoids focusing on blame and seeks solutions. To this end, it is essential to put into practice some keys to emotional intelligence and conflict resolution:
- Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in your friend’s shoes and understand their emotions, needs, and point of view. You can say something like, “I understand that this must be difficult for you, too.”
- Express emotions honestly: Share your own emotions openly and honestly. Use “I” instead of “you” to avoid placing blame on your friendship. Allow the other person to do the same.
- Active listening: When communicating with your friend, be sensitive to what they say and listen empathetically. Pay attention to their words and body language to understand their emotions and perspectives.
- Analyze what has happened: what brought us here? Where did we go wrong? What needs did we not adequately address? Reflecting on the situation together, without assigning blame or showing resentment, is essential to recover a friendship in crisis.
- Find joint solutions: Instead of focusing on pointing out mistakes, work as a team to propose changes, improvements and solutions to the problem. Ask them what ideas they have and offer yours in a constructive way. Any true friendship requires investing effort to save it.
4. Apologize if necessary
Forgiveness repairs, oxygenates, heals and is the emotional alloy capable of recovering a friendship in crisis. It is always appropriate to assess whether, in light of what happened, saying out loud “I’m sorry” would be the most necessary strategy. Doing so costs nothing, frees up money and opens up a space to give way to a new, more authentic stage.
A paper in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships delves into the relevance of this area among friends. One aspect they point out is that, often, the lack of this cognitive-evaluative forgiveness encapsulates the discomfort. Therefore, as much as possible, practice it.
If you feel disconnected from a friend, tell them. If you notice distance, coldness, or communication issues, express how you feel and let them know that you want to find ways to regain connection and trust.
5. Show gratitude and cooperation
When it comes to caring for, nurturing and repairing a bond, small gestures of gratitude have great power. Try to express to that person how grateful you are to have them in your life. Remind them of events from the past that are valuable to you and the need to continue creating magical moments. Cooperate, show willingness to lend a helping hand, and show interest in their daily life.
A study published in BMC Neuroscience illustrates how prosocial behavior or even gift-giving strengthens interpersonal bonds. In this sense, you don’t need to give your friend an expensive material detail. Not at all. Sometimes, something as simple as a book or dinner can be healing.
6. Add more positivity and interest to the relationship
A chapter from the book The Psychology of Friendship explains how to maintain long-lasting friendships . Sometimes , one of the causes of this crisis is due to not paying attention to the behaviors that reinforce the bond. These are everyday acts that add greater presence, interest and concern for the well-being of that figure. We describe some guidelines:
- Promotes positivity in friendship relationships.
- Show that friend that they are valuable and someone special.
- Show that you care and are interested in him/her every day.
- Validate, use positive language , congratulate him on his achievements and make him laugh.
- Suggest motivating activities to do together and regain complicity .
7. Give time to the process
Before we finish the list of these keys to getting back that friend you appreciate, there is one thing that is good to remember. Reconciliation does not happen overnight. It may take some time to rebuild trust, heal emotional wounds, and soothe misunderstandings. Be patient and demonstrate your continued commitment to the friendship.
The art of healing a broken friendship
Repairing what is broken requires the thread of emotional intelligence and willpower. However, in this effort, your dedication alone is not enough; this task is for two and the energies must be combined. Therefore, sometimes, you may find yourself in the situation where a friendship in crisis cannot be repaired. And it does not do so because there is no interest. In these cases, you must accept reality.
This is a painful experience that may require professional help. However, if you feel that there is still affection and mutual intentions to save the relationship, join forces. There are people for whom it is necessary to fight because they are the beacons that always bring light and warmth to your existence.