By What’s so special about people who make friends more easily? It’s not magic, it’s a combination of psychological characteristics that you can also develop. Find out!
Becoming a friendlier person doesn’t require a 180-degree turn in your personality. It’s about shining a light on your virtues, developing social skills, and practicing psychological strategies. Genuine and enriching connection with others is a skill that requires authenticity and self-confidence.
It doesn’t matter if you are somewhat introverted or borderline shy. You are someone unique and with great potential who deserves to build healthy and happy relationships. Taking initiative, being approachable and showing a sincere interest in those around you are simple and beneficial tools. In the following reading we give you all the keys to achieve this.
“We are like islands in the sea, separated on the surface but connected deep within.”
~ William James (Principles of Psychology, 1890) ~
How to become a friendlier person
There are many circumstances in which you may need, at a given moment, to become a friendlier person. You may no longer have contact with your usual friends . Sometimes, a divorce or the breakup of an emotional relationship causes your entire social microcosm to change and you feel the weight of loneliness. Whatever the case, enabling yourself in this dimension is not difficult.
Sociability or the ability to interact successfully requires practice and appropriate psychological strategies. You just have to start little by little, managing anxiety and regulating your insecurity. Breaking the ice and connecting from empathy and emotions will always be your best strategy. Take note of these keys to start working today.
1. Improve your self-confidence
One of the main problems that often arise when you want to be more friendly is the fear of rejection. Personality and Individual Differences describes this reality in an article. This fear undermines your chance of creating interpersonal bonds. To overcome it, you need to exercise your self-confidence to the maximum. We explain how:
- Accept your imperfections through self-compassion.
- Take care of your internal dialogue and take away the power of self-criticism.
- Remember all the times you have been successful in life.
- Work on self-knowledge and be clear about your virtues and potentials.
- Expose yourself to multiple social situations to improve your confidence .
- Avoid comparing yourself to others and remember that you are someone valuable.
- Turn negative thoughts into positive ones, like “I’m sure they don’t like me.”
2. Strengthen the emotional connection
Emotional connection is the social glue of meaningful relationships. So if you want to become a friendlier person, it will help to improve the psychological craft of this skill. It’s the ability to build intimacy and closeness through empathy, in order to reach the hearts of others. Take note of these suggestions:
- It transmits positivity, closeness and authenticity.
- Show interest and concern for others.
- Use active listening during conversations.
- Make it look like you are someone who can be trusted.
- Express your emotions openly and honestly.
- Practice the Duchenne smile ; it will be your best ally.
3. Demonstrate affinity
You’ve probably experienced this at some point. You meet someone new and you’re surprised by how much you have in common when it comes to values, passions and interests. Having affinity with a person is the basis of trust and that motivating interpersonal magic. Therefore, it’s a good idea to try to move around in social circles that have the same interests as you.
When it comes to becoming a friendlier person, it will be easier if you surround yourself with people who share your hobbies and/or ideologies. If you show someone that you have the same interests as them, they will feel a greater affinity with you. Try to be honest and describe your thoughts, dreams and hobbies , this way you will create a closer relationship.
4. Build good trust
In a study published by Personal Relationships, it was analyzed why people make friends. One of those fundamental reasons is having good support. Having others rely on you through the valuable network of trust is essential. It is a decisive ingredient to being a friendlier person. Check out the following tips:
- Share information: It may be difficult at first, but if you share some relevant and confidential details about your life, you will be showing these people that you trust their discretion and ability to handle sensitive information.
- Give and accept help: If you want to become a friendlier person, accept the favors and courtesy that others show you. Also, try to show in actions and words that they can always count on you for whatever they need.
- Express interest in your day-to-day life: When someone is concerned about how you are and how things are going on a regular basis, it shows you that you are important in their life. This is the dynamic and attitude you should work on if you want to be more sociable and a presence to be trusted.
- Demonstrate vulnerability: In her famous book The Power of Being Vulnerable (2012) , academic Brené Brown taught us the importance of this dimension. It is the ability to express your emotional needs, fears and concerns to others in order to build authentic and sincere bonds.
- Provide positive feedback: Trust is not based on solving other people’s problems, but on showing those close to you that you value them, that you trust them because you believe they are strong men and women, capable of achieving whatever they want. Encouraging those you care about is a cathartic and healthy exercise.
To show that you are a friendly person, foster a close and empathetic environment in which communication is open, so that everyone feels free to express their opinions without fear of being judged.
5. Ask open questions
“So… did you always want to be a teacher or were you planning to study another career?” “Where does your love of cinema come from? Maybe from your parents?” “Where would you travel if you took a gap year?” Open questions are questions that invite reflection and argumentation. They cannot be answered with a “yes” or “no” and this is very useful on a relational level.
6. Frequently use people’s names
It may seem silly, but calling others by their names frequently makes you a friendlier person. With something so simple, you give them value and reinforce them on an emotional level. Therefore, while you are having a conversation, try to intersperse them between sentences. They are small gestures full of affection and recognition.
7. Take the initiative
Do you know what factors usually prevent people from making friends? Individual Differences describes three. We have already described the first: insecurity. However, the most striking ones are the following: lack of time and introversion. If you identify with these dimensions and want to be a friendlier person, it is time to make changes.
Even if you’re navigating the realm of introversion or shyness, it’s worth taking a little more initiative. You don’t have to become someone you’re not, or force uncomfortable dimensions. It’s just about being more open and creating situations that foster connection and trust. Here are some examples:
- Provides stimulating and witty conversation topics.
- Ask questions, show that you want to interact and communicate.
- Propose plans and activities (that also fit your interests).
- Use your sense of humor when things get boring.
- Visualize yourself as someone who has initiative and knows how to connect with others.
8. Take care of your non-verbal language
To show that you are a sociable, approachable and trustworthy person, take care of your non-verbal language. Because in relationships, it is not only what you say that matters, but how you say it. Sometimes, the simplest gestures are everything and therefore, you have to polish them and know how to take advantage of their potential . You will therefore be interested in taking into account the following strategies:
- Avoid crossing your arms; instead, leave them relaxed.
- Smile and maintain eye contact whenever you can.
- Use your hands to express and accompany your words.
- Try to keep your posture straight and face the person speaking to you.
9. Remember little things
In a study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, an attempt was made to find out how long it takes to make a friend. What was seen in this research is that the more hours shared, the closer the bond. However, for the bond to become consolidated, you need subtle psychological strategies of great power. We will give you an example.
To show that you are a friendly and approachable person, remind them of little things about them. Remind them of anecdotes, funny comments they made a few days ago. Bring back memories of fun times you’ve had together. Also, don’t hesitate to show that you remember what they share with you on a daily basis.
These are all seeds full of affection and interest that will eventually germinate. With this strategy you will show that you value this person and that you take into account every aspect of his or her life.
To please others, start by valuing yourself
A friendly person paints the landscape of human relationships with warm colors. With this virtue, you not only create more genuine bonds by showing that you are someone who can be trusted. In addition, your self-esteem improves when you realize that you have the skills to make friends , build happy relationships and build bridges with those around you.
Now, this enriching art will appear as long as you work on your fears and insecurities. Appreciate your worth and strengthen your self-love to remember that you are someone who deserves to be surrounded by good people. Connect with those who respect you and know how to appreciate you as you deserve. Your psychological well-being also depends on it.