By Feeling constantly under the watchful eye and criticism of others can be very stressful and lead to a distortion of your self-concept. Here we tell you how to better manage this feeling!
Feeling judged by others is one of the worst feelings there is, and one of the biggest blocks to growth and building relationships. The thought “everyone is criticizing me” is corrosive, destructive and paralyzing.
Therefore, it is essential to connect with the negative emotions that receiving criticism arouses and look for their origin in order to better deal with them and not develop irrational ideas. We are going to delve into their impact and share some recommendations for managing them.
Why does criticism bother you?
Criticism is an unavoidable part of human relationships. Each person is unique and no one fits perfectly with those around them, so it is impossible to like everything about someone (or for them to have no complaints about you). We are, therefore, faced with a basic and useful interaction, with a regulatory social function that tries to prevent future conflicts .
But it’s not just about that. Taking into account the opinions of others helps to form self-concept . That is, yes, criticism matters to us because we integrate it into our self-concept as a source of additional information . Therefore, when it comes to negative information about us, the emotions that arise from it drive us to change in order to relate better to others.
Why do I feel like everyone is criticizing me?
Receiving criticism is never pleasant, especially when it is destructive or hurts our feelings. Specifically, it has the following effects on the recipient:
- Anxiety.
- Low self-esteem .
- Irrational beliefs.
- Distortion of self-concept.
- Depression or somatizations (long-term and with constant exposure to them).
Receiving negative information about yourself with a certain frequency can lead to high levels of stress . You might even get to the point where you might wonder if what they say about you is true (that you are rude, that you do a bad job or that you are not good at cooking, for example).
At such times, distorted self-concept and stress may make you think that the whole world is against you.
In line with this, we reach a point where any ambiguous gesture is interpreted as negative. In this sense, neutral words seem like criticism or even efforts to please others are disdained. This is when the phrase “everyone criticizes me” goes from being a suspicion to an axiom.
Misperception that social circles often criticize
“Could it be that I am making up the fact that everyone is criticizing me?” you might ask. Well, this is what you need to evaluate. While it is utopian to achieve pure objectivity when evaluating the comments of others, it is possible to identify certain signs that indicate the existence of a distorted perception in this regard:
- Low self-esteem : When someone feels insecure about their own worth, their interpretations of criticism tend to reflect that lack of confidence.
- Social anxiety : This disorder is directly related to low self-esteem , so it is much easier to misinterpret other people’s opinions or fear that others will have a bad opinion of you.
- High self-observation : by paying too much attention to one’s own way of acting, one’s defects are perceived in a more acute and representative way. In this case, criticism would act as false confirmation.
- Traumatic experiences : An experience in which criticism is especially destructive—or occurs systematically—can leave a lasting emotional mark and make the individual more likely to interpret future opinions as negative.
What can you do to better manage criticism?
Since it cannot be avoided, criticism is an interaction that must be learned to manage . The better it is handled, the more useful it will be for your personal growth and the better you will be at responding to those who only seek to hurt you. Take a look at these tips.
1. Work on your self-esteem
Having the conviction that you are a valid, respectable and sufficient person will help you not to take constructive criticism personally. In addition, you will be able to recognize and discard destructive criticism, in order to prevent it from damaging your self-concept.
2. Train yourself in social skills
Social skills training is a very useful tool to reduce social anxiety and, by extension, the feeling of being criticized too often. In addition, this training will also help you acquire resources to respond to criticism in an assertive way.
3. If you think everyone is criticizing you, ask
Amidst all the social stress caused by criticism, doubts are often not clarified, but rather confirmed. You’ll be surprised how much your anxiety is reduced when you open a channel of communication and try to clear up your suspicions.
4. Check your perfectionist and complacent side
Demanding too much of yourself or trying to keep everyone happy are mistakes that end up undermining your self-esteem and projecting your insecurity onto the words of others. Take time to come to terms with your own mistakes and set healthy boundaries for the people around you .
5. Consult with a psychology professional
Feeling like people around you have a bad opinion of you and let you know it too often could be part of something more serious, such as depression or social anxiety disorder . It’s hard to put the above tips into practice if your distress is severe, so it’s best to see a professional who can help you explore this issue.
Everyone criticizes me, what if it’s true?
Finally, we want to emphasize that feeling attacked is not always an irrational feeling . Sometimes, people find themselves immersed in toxic environments or suffer emotional abuse; both are experiences related to depressive and anxiety disorders .
When faced with constant destructive criticism, consider leaving the environment as soon as possible . We are talking about words aimed at hurting your self-esteem, invalidating your feelings or trying to change your self-concept towards the negative. And, if you doubt your judgment, we insist: go to a professional to organize your ideas and discard biases and irrational ideas. You may be saving yourself from a situation.