By There are words that heal and dialogues that calm fears, heal wounds and build valuable trust between people. If you want to know the secret of these nourishing conversations, here are the keys to carrying them out.
Do you often have conversations that completely restore you after a bad day? There are people with unique skills in the art of dialogue and empathy. They are figures capable of providing serenity when our world is in disarray and almost upside down. It is an exchange of ideas, emotions and thoughts in which listening, respect and harmony flow between two minds.
Knowing how to converse is a cornerstone of any type of relationship, whether it be family, emotional or professional. Thanks to this social skill, we reach agreements, strengthen our ties and leave a rewarding impression on others. Nothing is as decisive for the ties between human beings as being skilled at communicating.
Now, there is one type of conversation that transcends all others. It is the type that seeks to heal, relieve, repair or comfort. It is not necessary to be a trained and licensed therapist to know how to carry out this type of conversation. We should all speak and listen in more meaningful terms and with the clear purpose of being of help to the other person – and vice versa.
Let’s see how to get it.
Let’s try to have less superficial talk and more conversations that heal.
The keys to healing conversations
A healing conversation is a deep dialogue that aims to restore the relationship between two people, or to provide mutual emotional support between the interlocutors . To carry out such psychological craft, we must understand that it is not a mere exchange of messages. It is essential to master the components that make up this tool.
There are people with excellent dialogue skills who turn out to be terrible curative conversationalists, for example. And this happens because in this type of conversation it is not enough to be witty, brilliant or someone with great oratory. A healing conversation is one that starts with compassion, takes care of respect and uses active listening .
As psychotherapist Carl Rogers said, a good dialogue is one that manages to change people for the better. Generating this enriching change in the other requires working on ourselves first. These are the keys that will allow us to carry it out.
1. Listen and be humble
Michael Lehmann, a professor at the Hebrew University of Jerusalem, published a study in the Journal of Positive Psychology in which he highlighted something very interesting: Humility can be activated in humans when they learn to listen to others.
Active listening requires a heart and mind that knows how to connect with the vulnerabilities and complexities of the person in front of them, because it also recognizes its own. Healing and repairing each other requires that we do so free of selfishness, being able to listen to each other in an active and committed way.
Let us always remember: arrogance is a voracious enemy of communication and compassion. Humility is an interpersonal value that will allow us to connect with each other in order to heal.
A healing dialogue should not rely on monologues. It should involve appropriate reciprocity based on respect, emotional connection, flow of thoughts and reflections.
2. Be a “safe” place for the other person
What does it mean to be a “safe” place for someone? This is a dimension that we should all improve. Being a safe space for someone is taking care of our words, expressions, and attitude to validate their emotional reality . It is letting them know that we are not going to judge or criticize them. It is showing them that we communicate with sincerity and that every word they say to us will be appreciated.
We can improve this competence by paying attention to the following key points:
- Choose and take care of your words carefully, always keeping in mind that everything you express has an impact.
- Don’t be in a hurry to respond, leave a few seconds of silence and prioritize what the other person wants to say.
- During healing conversations, do not make value judgments or question. Validate what your interlocutor expresses.
3. Questions to awaken emotional awareness
“How do you feel? How did you experience that situation?” Questions that seek to awaken emotional awareness make it easier for the other person to connect with themselves in order to vent. We often walk through life with endless inner knots and resistances.
So, having a conversation with a friend and being asked how we feel or what emotions we are feeling at that moment can change everything. We are not trying to interrogate them. We want them to release tensions, to put into words what is inside them.
4. Not afraid to show yourself vulnerable
Healing conversations are reciprocal and work both ways. Because, although our desire is to comfort the other, we will also feel healed and enriched by this type of communication. Therefore, we should not hesitate to show our own vulnerability, to be moved, to be infected by the feelings of the other and even to comfort each other.
Only when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable do we maximize compassionate and healing behaviors.
5. Depth and reflection
Superficial and meaningless communication, far from strengthening ties, feeds them with insecurity. There is no mental or emotional connection in someone who does not strive to go deeper, who prefers to finish quickly and direct the dialogue to unimportant aspects.
Healing conversations therefore seek depth, to awaken reflection, to open the mind, to see new points of view and even new meanings in life . It is about philosophizing, playing with new ideas, and mutually enriching ourselves with our perspectives.
6. Closing and agreements
“What can we do from now on to make things better? What do you need from me in these circumstances? How can I help you? What are your goals? Would you like to talk again later…?”
Good dialogues, and especially those that heal and comfort, do not hesitate to recap and close the conversation well . In this way, we reinforce the interaction much more and remind the other person that, if they need us, we will be there.
Every healthy and healing conversation is an exercise in perfect balance between giving and receiving. Putting this form of communication into practice from time to time with the people we love will be both useful and rewarding. Shall we give it a try?