By Being unfaithful causes a crisis in the relationship, harming both the person who commits it and the person who suffers from it. In this article we will see the consequences of such behavior, which even affect people close to the couple.
Infidelity is a behavior that always leaves consequences in relationships. Involving a third party without consent affects both the person who does it and the person who suffers from it. In addition to unleashing guilt, shame and loss of trust in the relationship, this situation also harms people close to the couple, such as the children they have in common.
Although it is an act that seriously damages the bond, it does not mean that it always ends it. Although some decide to cut off after being cheated on, others try to repair what happened and give it another chance . In any case, the act itself has consequences and here we explain them to you.
Consequences for those who commit infidelity
First of all, we will describe some of the consequences that infidelity has for the person who commits it. We must not forget that, even if he is the perpetrator, this act has negative effects on him. Let’s see what they are.
Regret and guilt
The most common reactions are feelings of guilt and remorse. These tend to appear when one becomes aware of the act itself, and of the consequences it has on both the partner and the environment.
Guilt is very sticky and difficult to get rid of. There are even those who feel it even if their partner has forgiven them and moved on.
Internal conflicts with values
When someone who places a high value on respect and commitment commits a deception, their personal value system comes into serious conflict. In this case, behaviors do not match beliefs, and this leads to experiencing a state of psychological tension called cognitive dissonance .
If dissonance is triggered, the person acts to reduce it. And he or she would do so in the external world, changing behavior in the future to maintain the values. On the other hand, it is possible to change these values by making infidelity less important or even normalizing it.
Fear of losing your partner
It is normal that when faced with a betrayal, the fear of losing the other person appears. Although the person who breaks their commitment did something painful, this does not mean that they feel affection for their partner and love for all the moments they lived.
Fear is an emotion that is difficult to express and put into words. It manifests itself mainly in the form of physical symptoms and bodily sensations such as restlessness and a knot in the stomach, tachycardia, muscle tension or non-specific headaches.
Shame on oneself
A similar feeling to guilt is shame . It is common for those who do something considered forbidden or sanctioned by social norms to feel deep shame about themselves.
Besides, the problem is not only the feeling, but that people tend to hide it and avoid talking about it. This makes it difficult to establish open and fluid communication with their partner regarding what happened.
Take note of 14 signs that your partner could be unfaithful
Effects of infidelity on the cheated person
It is necessary to talk about what infidelity causes in the affected party; learning to detect the consequences is the first step in deciding the future of the relationship.
Loss of confidence
Trust is a basic pillar on which couples are built. As an article in the Sociological magazine says , it is not a given in relationships, but rather a mutual achievement. Something that both members develop and consolidate over time, and that can easily be compromised.
If infidelity is experienced as a betrayal, the most likely aftereffect is a loss of trust and persistent suspicion . This is very difficult to repair and return to the previous situation, since the emotional wound will surely remain open for a long time.
Jealousy and insecurity
Jealousy and possessive behavior often stem from infidelity. You may have a false sense of control if you try to find out what your partner is doing at all times. However, this only adds tension to the relationship.
There are couples who normalize this type of behavior, confusing care with control . They are not at all the same. Jealousy is an indicator that trust in the relationship is failing. Something to work on and never overlook.
Anger and rage at the other person
If there is one common feeling among those who are victims of cheating, it is anger. This is directed both at the unfaithful person and at the third person in question. Anger is an intense emotion that moves us to act and can be the trigger for arguments or hasty decisions, such as breaking up without thinking about it.
It is okay to be angry and express it, but you have to be careful that your expression does not have negative effects on you.
Insecurities and complexes
There are people who blame themselves for suffering infidelity. Even though they are the victims of the situation, they believe that it happened because there is something wrong with them or because they did something that caused it.
Persistent guilt can lead to insecurities and complexes , which can make it difficult to relate to other people or meet a new partner in the future.
Ruminations and blockages
Repetitive thoughts about what happened and thought blocks are common among those who have suffered an infidelity. These serve the purpose of trying to find a cause for what happened and thus reduce uncertainty. However, when no probable reason is found, a cycle of worry begins from which it is difficult to escape.
Psychopathological symptoms
Anxiety, low mood or insomnia often arise in those who go through this experience. Infidelity is still a stressor and the person reacts to it by displaying psychological symptoms.
It is normal for these symptoms to subside over time and with adaptation to the new situation, but if they persist or cause great interference, it is advisable to seek help.
What’s wrong with the people around?
Let’s keep in mind that being unfaithful not only affects the people in the couple, but it influences everyone around them. If there is infidelity in a marriage with children , it is the latter who feel the impact the most.
Children develop an understanding of this event and act accordingly. They often side with the victimized parent. They may also feel confused because they do not understand what happened.
On the other hand, as couples become more established, friendships tend to be shared. When someone is unfaithful, the group of friends becomes destabilized and positional differences may appear.
If you need it, do not hesitate to ask for psychological help.
Going to a psychologist is a good decision when there are difficulties in communication and it is necessary to have a third party intervene to help the members express themselves and listen. It is a safe space that helps things to be said in a calm and respectful way, amidst the unpleasant feelings that deception causes.
Based on this, couples therapy is considered an alternative to deal with the after-effects of infidelity. In this case, it is not about solving the deception, since it is not possible to erase the past. Rather, it is about solving everything that is disturbing it, working so that the couple does not remain stuck in disloyalty and thus decide whether to continue or end the relationship.
It is important to note that therapy is not always aimed at keeping the couple together. Sometimes, both partners need to be helped through the separation. In any case, if you are going through this moment of crisis and feel overwhelmed, do not hesitate to seek help.