Bullying between siblings: everything you need to know

Sibling bullying is a situation that must be detected and prevented without wasting a minute. We explain everything you need to do to achieve this.
Bullying between siblings is a phenomenon that is often overlooked, attributed to “childish things” and underestimating the situation. However, when fights become harassment, the consequences produce emotional wounds that persist over time.

There are several factors that cause this type of relationship, support it, and invalidate it. Therefore, we will cover a deeper perspective on the subject, its causes, and what can be done to prevent it. For example: maintaining a positive climate and effective communication at home, since they play a relevant role in the child’s psychosocial development.

Bullying between siblings: definition and causes

Sibling bullying refers to repetitive, aggressive behavior by one sibling toward another, with the intent to cause physical , emotional, or psychological harm. It can manifest itself in many forms, such as intimidation , name-calling, manipulation, social exclusion, or physical violence.

Unlike conflict or occasional fights between siblings, 

bullying involves an imbalance of power and persistence over time.

The underlying causes of sibling bullying can vary and are complex. Here are some of the most common ones:

  • Rivalry and jealousy: Rivalry and feelings often increase everyday tensions between siblings. Bullying may be a way of competing for parents’ attention.
  • Lack of social skills: poor learning of these abilities makes peaceful conflict resolution difficult. As a result, they resort to bullying to manage stressful situations and gain a sense of control over their environment.
  • Self-esteem problems: Bullying is a form of compensation for low self-esteem that resorts to feelings of power and superiority brought on by violence. That is, they try to raise their self-esteem by diminishing their siblings through emotional or physical abuse.
  • Unbalanced parental attention: Sometimes parents show favoritism toward one sibling or treat their children unequally, which indirectly creates resentment and hostility between them. The sibling who perceives the inequality may direct his or her frustration toward the other.
  • Bullying: Studies show a close relationship between violence in the family unit and involvement in bullying cases. According to the publication of the Educares Electronic Journal , the probability of facing bullying situations is linked to the functionality of the family unit.
  • Behavioural modelling: Children tend to imitate aggressive behaviour when they observe it in their family environment, whether among parents, other siblings or even on social media or television. A study in Lancet Psychiatry reports that parental behaviour is the factor most associated with the appearance of domestic violence.
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How to identify this form of violence?

Within the family context and circumstances, identifying bullying between siblings can be a challenge, as these peers interact with a high emotional component between them. However, there are some signs that help differentiate it from everyday encounters; these are the following:

  • Constant fear and anxiety: these sensations are common in the bullied child.
  • Low self-esteem: the bullied person will have feelings of helplessness and low self-worth.
  • Deterioration in academic performance: the discomfort of bullying creates distractions and difficulties in studying.
  • Avoidance of situations and contexts: This happens specifically if both siblings will be together, such as sitting at the table or going to the park.
  • Mood swings: This happens to both the aggressor and the victim. The former will show more anger and aggression, while the latter will more often show sadness, fear and anxiety.
  • Difficulties in interpersonal relationships: both the bully and the victim have difficulties in relating to others. They may have obstacles in making new friends or responding to the demands of teachers, for example.

Long-term consequences of sibling bullying

While this situation is 100% impossible to prevent, it must be stopped as soon as it occurs. Otherwise, bullying would have long-lasting effects on the emotional well-being and psychosocial development of children. Below are the common consequences :

  • Impact on self-image and self-esteem: This can last into adulthood and directly affect the emotional well-being of both participants in the bullying.
  • Deterioration in physical health: The chronic stress associated with this harassment often has an impact on physical health; victims may experience headaches, gastrointestinal problems and sleep disturbances.
  • Problems with relationships: This type of bullying affects the ability to relate to others well into adulthood. Victims find it difficult to trust, set appropriate boundaries, and express their emotions in a healthy way.
  • Aggressive behavior patterns: Abusers also have a high probability of developing aggressive behavior patterns in their future relationships, as repetitive abuse normalizes violence as a way of resolving conflicts. The victim, likewise, is exposed to this type of toxic learning.
  • Mental health issues: As a study published in the journal Pediatrics indicates , victims of sibling bullying may experience long-term mental health issues, such as depression, anxiety, PTSD, and low self-esteem. These issues may persist into adulthood and impact overall well-being and quality of life.
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Impact on family dynamics and sibling relationships

Bullying between siblings directly affects family dynamics and relationships between siblings. Bullied children often feel excluded, unprotected and resentful towards their bullying sibling.

On the other hand, the aggressors are not free from negative feelings either, as their self-esteem tends to deteriorate and they experience anger and frustration.

This equation also requires taking into account the witness brothers , who experience the dissonance of trying to stop the conflict or suffer the same consequences as the victim. They often report high levels of stress and anxiety during these periods.

Sibling bullying often contributes to escalating existing family conflicts and increasing tension in the home.

How to prevent and address bullying between siblings?

Preventing and addressing bullying among siblings inevitably requires the active participation of guardians. Here are some of the measures to be taken in the family home:

  • Establish clear boundaries: When bullying behavior is detected, boundaries become necessary to nip it in the bud. These terms must be applied consistently and equitably.
  • Model positive behavior: Guardians must model respectful and non-violent behavior. Otherwise, any lessons they try to teach their children will lack coherence and will not sink into the child’s mind.
  • Promote social skills: Empathy training, conflict resolution, and assertive communication are effective ways to prevent future bullying situations and foster positive interactions between siblings.
  • Encourage open communication: The family must encourage a safe environment where children can express themselves openly and feel that their feelings are validated. Active listening is necessary to strengthen bonds and lay the foundation for new learning in conflict resolution.

When is it necessary to seek professional help?

Violence in the family unit should never be addressed without the help of a psychology professional. As it is such a complex dynamic with so many factors involved, it is not a good idea to address it without the guidance of a specialist.

It is never positive for conflict to escalate or persist over time. Therefore, it is pertinent to follow strategies or go to a child psychologist, since achieving a healthy environment at home is essential to achieve coexistence and respect among the members of the family.