By What to do in the lowest moments after a breakup, with your ex’s chat room open and tears running down your cheeks? Here we help you get through it.
It is well known that the lows after a breakup are part of the grieving process, but knowing about it in advance is not the same as being immersed in such great discomfort. In these situations, the mood is at rock bottom and it is advisable to take care of yourself so as not to become entrenched in sadness.
In this reading, we offer you a list of self-care tips to stop feeling bad about breaking up with your partner. Although these are very unpleasant moments, they are for you and for recovering. Let’s get started!
Stages of grief after a breakup
Before giving advice, it is crucial to know how grief works , to help you manage the lows after a breakup. Within your individuality, you will go through a phase of denial, in which it is common to think that the ex-partner will return or that things can be fixed. Anger is added as an opposing process to sadness, that is, it “replaces” it in a certain way.
With the emotional peaks already more tenuous, a period begins in which ways to resume the relationship are still being sought. Thoughts seem rational and it is difficult to accept that the person is no longer there. This is how depression sets in , interest in some activities is lost and hopelessness is constant.
Towards the end of mourning, acceptance appears, where emotional healing and all thought processing converge. As daily life has been configured without that person, the conviction is reached that it is possible to live and be happy in their absence.
How to feel better during the down times after a breakup?
Fear, loneliness, confusion, anger… all of this builds up in the chest and it is easy to think that it will never go away. But it is part of the natural process of grief and it must be overcome, although it can be handled better with a series of simple actions. Let’s see them!
1. Live your emotions without judging yourself
Validate your emotions and don’t resist them. Accept the process without criticizing or judging yourself for what you feel: pain, sadness, anger, etc. Name the emotion and then give yourself the opportunity to feel it as it appears. All of this will help you deal with what you are experiencing and help your emotions complete their cycle appropriately.
Don’t repress your desire to cry or your anger. You need time to process your feelings and this depression can be the space you need. In addition, it will give you the relief your body is asking for.
Repressing your emotions will only lead to worsening depressive symptoms and causing you to have a more intense crisis when you can’t take it anymore.
2. Don’t isolate yourself
You may want some alone time to vent and process this difficult situation, but don’t forget to lean on your loved ones. It is well known since the pandemic that isolation is closely related to the appearance and deterioration of depressive and anxiety symptoms.
These close people will offer you comfort in the most difficult moments. They are also a very useful point of reference when it comes to talking about how you feel and what you need, because they offer an outside perspective that points out details and aspects that you cannot.
3. Think about what you learned from the relationship
When a relationship ends, both parties are partly responsible for it. Before the breakup, there is a period in which the relationship deteriorates and toxic behaviors appear .
So, to feel better about the downs after a breakup, it is important to ask for forgiveness and make amends, but also not to carry too heavy a burden on your shoulders. Remember to learn from what happened , not to make it a burden and much less to blame only yourself for what happened.
4. Avoid contact with your ex
Perhaps in the moments of intense depression you feel a great temptation to contact your ex. Of course you miss that person, but do not decide to call him or her when you are prey to such strong emotions.
After a breakup , it is necessary to heal and rebuild your life, and that is a process that takes time. If it is possible to resume the relationship afterwards, it is something that must be thought about together and agreements reached so as not to repeat the same mistakes.
5. Give yourself time
How long does it take for someone to get better after a breakup? Grief is inevitable, but it is natural that the passage of time heals it. It is very easy to believe that such deep suffering will never end, but it will pass. In the meantime, it is key to getting over the breakup that you do not punish yourself for feeling bad, because each person has their own times and needs at these times.
6. Take care of yourself
At first, it may seem impossible to do or think about anything other than your ex-partner. But it’s worth taking advantage of this new stage to take care of yourself; both your physical and emotional health will thank you for it. How can you do it? Eat healthy, get enough rest, connect with your circle of friends, find hobbies that you enjoy, etc.
For example, exercise causes your body to release endorphins (the happiness hormone), which will generate feelings of well-being and joy. All of this will allow you to overcome that slump while increasing your positive emotions.
7. Focus on your projects
Another helpful strategy to stop being sad about a breakup is to focus on yourself, your dreams, and your goals. Go back to those plans you had forgotten about and work on making them happen. Cultivating your well-being and living with a daily purpose will give you the strength to continue in the midst of emotional pain .
8. Throw away the triggers
Gifts, photos, clothes or things from your ex that you still have are not a good support after a breakup. In fact, they can intensify the pain and cause ups and downs. For a while, while you recover and gain strength, it is best to keep these items away from you. You can also return them or throw them away.
9. Write about what you feel
Writing can help us overcome trauma and give voice to that depressing feeling. In this way, it is possible to hear the message of that emotion and also have a different or clearer perspective on it. When emotions are given words, it is possible to understand them better and build new, less painful alternative stories.
10. Travel
Visit a nearby town or city to experience something new. The point of traveling is not to avoid what you feel, but to take some time to rest and relax. If possible, treat yourself to a tropical vacation, as it has the potential to improve your psychological well-being .
11. Practice relaxation techniques
Relaxation techniques will help you release emotional tension, stress, and anxiety. They will also be effective in calming your mind and physiological reaction. As a result, your mood will improve after the breakup. To relax, you can meditate, do yoga, breathe with your diaphragm, or practice progressive muscle relaxation.
12. Be thankful
Although it is difficult to say thank you, doing so helps you feel better if you are facing a breakup down. Gratitude is a value that promotes well-being and positive feelings . Therefore, thanking is an excellent remedy against emotional relapse.
13. Forgive
Forgiveness is a difficult but necessary process to let go of any resentment, hatred or guilt you may have. Sometimes relationships do not end well and unpleasant emotions remain that prevent you from moving on.
If you feel guilty for hurting the other person, ask for forgiveness and forgive yourself as well. If you were the victim of emotional harm, then try to forgive and let go of the emotional weight you carry. This is a voluntary choice, not an obligation. If you don’t feel ready, take your time.
14. Go to a psychologist
Some relationships end with trauma and emotional wounds . In these cases, the lows may be too intense to bear or may take you to places you don’t want to be, such as depression or an anxiety disorder.
In such cases, it is very important that you have professional help. In therapy you will find a safe place to vent, express yourself and learn emotional management resources . Do not hesitate to ask for a helping hand if you need it.
It is possible to be single and happy
Sometimes, the downs after a breakup usually come with a neon sign flashing inside your mind: “You will never love someone that way again.” Or maybe you think that no one will ever love you again.
Don’t pay attention to that sign. A breakup isn’t a failure, but just another stage in life. You are a valid and sufficient person. And it’s only a matter of time before you find someone else to start a relationship with.
In the meantime, enjoy other types of love, just as wonderful as romantic love: friendships, family, groups… You can learn to be alone after a breakup and share your love with all those who support you.