By Mothers often have to deal with multiple challenges: parenting, work, personal life, partner, and so on. In the midst of the chaos that having a child can entail, it is possible to feel the loneliness of postpartum. What can we do?
Loneliness is becoming an epidemic, and it affects us silently. On the other hand, we do not usually communicate that we feel alone, it is like a taboo . Loneliness that is far from being sought digs into the soul and, consequently, we bleed. The truth is that loneliness in the postpartum period or in another context is an element that intensely feeds problems as serious as depression or suicide.
Broadly speaking, we can define two types of loneliness. In the first case, we find the loneliness that is sought and that when found, provides peace and tranquility. At the opposite pole, we can define the loneliness that is imposed, that is feared, and that is far from being desired. This is the loneliness that acts like a black hole that swallows up such positive emotions as hope or faith in a better future.
“Experienced loneliness over a prolonged period of time has the potential to affect one’s mood and self-esteem, and consequently, increase anxiety and stress.”
-Mental Health Foundation-
Loneliness in the maternal context
The role of mother forces many women to make significant sacrifices. Although the responsibility for raising children is gradually becoming more balanced, mothers often lack support in their work.
In addition, the frustration caused by aspects such as the lack of time for self-care is combined with the fact that there may be little understanding and affection from those around them. This causes mothers to experience emotions such as anger, sadness or anguish, which erode the person’s mood.
“Although postpartum loneliness is not a psychiatric disorder, it is an experience that can affect our mental health.”
-Mental Health Foundation-
How to deal with loneliness in the postpartum period?
The American association Mental Health Foundation has created a guide with the aim of helping to deal with loneliness related to motherhood. Among the recommendations included in the guide we can mention some:
- Learning to divide time. There are times when maternal responsibilities require our attention, but it is also important to find other times for self-care.
- Comparisons are sometimes odious. Social media is full of mothers who are able to do everything: they are able to raise their children efficiently, but also to go shopping, go out to parties and work. This is a mirage and the expectations that can be generated are unrealistic. The reality is that the day has 24 hours and we are far from being machines.
- Use self-compassion. Telling yourself positive messages is very important because it boosts your perception of self-efficacy . Another exercise could be to hug yourself at night before going to bed and verbally reward yourself for the challenges you have faced that day.
- If you are overwhelmed and struggling to find a way out of the loneliness you feel, professional help could be of help. In this sense, psychologists, psychiatrists, nurses or social workers can be real lifeboats.
- Connect with other first-time mothers. This can be a huge stress relief valve, as you share feelings and situations that may be similar with mothers who are in similar situations. It also helps reduce loneliness because new interpersonal relationships are built .
“If you have been a mother, you can share your experiences after giving birth. They must be real experiences, as they are a great source of help.”
-Mental Health Foundation-
You can improve the mood of anyone, and therefore also of a mother, with behaviors as simple as asking her how she is. Helping includes behaviors such as inviting your partner or friend for a drink and asking how she is doing. In this sense, trying to make mothers feel part of a group can be a very powerful tool to mitigate loneliness in the postpartum period.
For psychiatrist Rocío Pericio, it is important to pay attention to how the emotional and interpersonal network of mothers is built. Aspects such as joint upbringing between the father and mother of the child or the implementation of programs based on conciliation policies are key .
Where the above is lacking, it is important to encourage and motivate mothers to create links with other people who, for example, find themselves in similar situations. Mothers’ associations can be helpful in this regard.
-Rocio Paricio del Castillo-
“Allowing and validating the expression of negative emotions can be very healing and introduces the possibility that there is no such thing as a single, individual motherhood, but rather that there are as many motherhoods as there are mothers, or even as many motherhoods as there are children.”