By Remembering that you are on the same side and not opposing sides, as well as not bringing up old resentments during current arguments, are two essential suggestions for reducing couple fights.
No matter how much love there is, constant arguments wear down any couple. It is sad when a bond breaks down due to not knowing how to manage conflicts and put a stop to them in time. However, with effort and commitment, it is possible to reverse this situation. The big question is how to achieve this. Allow me to explain it to you.
Facing difficult conversations instead of avoiding them, communicating how we feel at the right time, and reviewing agreements between both partners are crucial recommendations from my perspective as a psychotherapist. Below, I share with you other suggestions to avoid always fighting in a relationship.
Frequent fights between couples, why do they occur?
When problems become routine , the relationship can become trapped in an exhausting and unsatisfying dynamic . One of the basic tips to stop arguing with your partner is to identify the underlying causes that provoke the clashes between the two of you. In general, these reasons have to do with what we mentioned below:
- Lack of effective communication .
- Accumulation of unresolved tensions.
- Unclear expectations about roles, responsibilities and attitudes.
- External stress due to work, financial or family pressures.
Recognizing and addressing failures with empathy is essential to driving positive change and strengthening the quality of the bond.
How to stop arguing with your partner all the time?
Arguing is not bad. Problems arise when it is done in a useless, hurtful or senseless way. The challenges of living together as a couple, as well as differences in values such as politics , religion or even personal preferences, can strain the well-being of the relationship. Therefore, it is key to have the following psychological strategies at hand to manage disagreements in a constructive way.
1. Don’t keep your feelings to yourself
When we keep our feelings to ourselves, small annoyances turn into big arguments. For example, a wet towel on the bed can trigger a very strong argument in which deeper conflicts are hidden.
The sequence is logical: to reduce arguments, you need to prevent tensions from building up. And to prevent tensions from building up, you need to address things as they arise.
2. Take care of your manners and words
The way we express ourselves sometimes worsens existing disputes and creates new ones. The words we choose and the tone of our voice have a significant impact. Therefore, among the tips to stop arguing with your partner, it is essential to avoid accusatory or aggressive language and opt for assertive and respectful communication.
3. Don’t run away from awkward conversations
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “To build healthy relationships , we need to have uncomfortable conversations.” And that’s true. Ignoring difficult or painful topics doesn’t make them go away, it just makes them worse. Instead, confronting them with openness and honesty helps address the root problems and helps find joint solutions.
4. Establish clear and specific agreements
Rather than leaving expectations to chance, defining concrete agreements prevents misunderstandings and reduces anger. For example, deciding who will take care of which household chores or setting limits on the information about the couple that is shared with family or friends. It is essential to specify the topics that tend to be a source of disagreement and to commit to fulfilling what has been agreed.
5. Focus on solving and not on “winning the argument”
It is common to fall into the ego trap of wanting to be right or win the argument. However, this can take us away from the real objective: finding a solution. Instead of imposing our truth or focusing on who is wrong or at fault, it is more constructive to focus on understanding each other and establishing mutual compromises. You will see that if you apply this, you will no longer fight as much with your partner.
6. Accept that the other person is as they are, not as you want them to be
Often, behind frequent arguments there is a desire or insistence to change the other person. So, one of the most relevant tips to stop arguing with your partner is to accept them as they are. As uncomfortable and frustrating as it may be, the people around us are never exactly how we want them to be. Although they come close, expectations and reality never coincide 100%.
7. Avoid bringing up past problems during current fights
Bringing up old grudges while arguing only complicates things and makes them more confusing. In romantic relationships, it is common to refer to past events in order to strengthen our argument, but the truth is that this prolongs the argument and fuels old grudges. Focusing on yesterday distracts from the current problem and increases resentment.
8. Learn to manage stress and intense emotions
Techniques such as deep breathing or meditation make all the difference when things get tense. They are also crucial for maintaining composure and dealing with things in a mature manner. Not only does this help regulate your own emotions, but it also facilitates clearer and more effective communication.
9. Remember that you are on the same side, not on opposite sides
In a relationship, it’s not about competing or winning fights. You’re in this together, and it’s essential to face challenges as a team . It means you need to support each other, listen to each other’s concerns and emotions, learn to compromise when necessary, and collaborate to find solutions that satisfy both of you.
Likewise, it is possible to apply other specific strategies to avoid getting carried away by the heat of the moment, for example:
- Implement the 5-minute rule: If you feel the fight escalating, walk away and take a short five-minute break to calm down and then talk.
- Establish a code word or phrase to end the fight: Agree on a signal to indicate that you want to stop the argument when you notice that you are hurting each other.
Professional help also makes a difference
If confrontations always revolve around the same issues, become constant, and are difficult to handle on your own, perhaps it is time to consider couples therapy .
A professional provides a neutral perspective, specific techniques that improve communication, and effective tools for conflict resolution. So, as a final recommendation to stop arguing so often, if you feel it is necessary, do not hesitate to knock on the door of a therapist; it may be the resource you need to improve your relationship.