By Although it is often said that middle sibling syndrome is little more than a myth, many people identify with these effects associated with birth order. In the following article, we explain more about this topic.
For some, the middle child syndrome is little more than an urban legend; for others, it is an obvious reality . The truth is that growing up in a family where this middle position is assumed is not always easy. Often, the older sibling symbolizes the figure on whom all positive reinforcement is placed, while the younger one receives all the pampering and care.
It was the psychotherapist Alfred Adler who introduced the theory of the middle sibling, highlighting how these children perceive their position in the family constellation in a more complex way. According to Adler, they tend to feel somewhat neglected, more alone and develop a particular personality. What is true and what is false in this perspective? We analyze it below.
The fact that fewer children are being born means that the phenomenon of the middle sibling appears less frequently. However, those who grew up in a family with several siblings often point out that they suffered from this characteristic.
Middle child syndrome: definition and characteristics
Middle child syndrome refers to the experience of neglect that some children feel due to their birth order . Some -supposedly- see with annoyance how their older and younger siblings receive all the support and care.
Since Alfred Adler introduced this concept in his book Problems of Neurosis (1964), the topic has attracted a great deal of interest. It is also important to note that we are not dealing with any psychological condition or disorder recorded in the DSM-V. On the other hand, although science has been investigating this topic for years, it does not always find conclusive support for the theory.
An example of this is a recent paper published in Heliyon , which concluded that birth order has no impact on the way people relate within the family dynamic. However, beyond the scientific literature, in everyday reality some people do identify with this perspective . Let’s review the factors and evidence in this regard.
Middle children show “some distance” from their parents
One of the first investigations into middle child syndrome was published in 1998 in the Official Journal of the Human Behavior and Evolution Society . This work highlighted that being the middle sibling could affect the parental bond. One thing that was seen was how when it came to seeking support, some children prefer their own siblings to their parents .
It was also found that, on average, the emotional closeness they felt towards their mothers was not at the same level as that of their older and younger siblings; the latter were more close. All of this could be summed up by the fact that birth order would affect the attachment and interaction with their own parents.
However, it should be noted that this study has not been reviewed again and we do not have updated data.
Middle child syndrome outlines a different personality
Clinical psychology attaches great importance to parenting dynamics and the concept of attachment. In the middle child syndrome, the idea that these figures do not receive as much emotional attention as other siblings is defined . Therefore, if psychoaffective experiences are unequal, there is a possibility that this affects the child’s behavior and personality.
What traits and characteristics would define someone raised in a context with such dynamics? Look at the following:
- Competitive and rebellious personality . The middle child grows up with the need to compete with his siblings for parental attention. This sometimes leads to a more rebellious character and skillful in competitive behavior .
- Good social skills . Often, the middle child’s attempt to reach out to adults for attention facilitates early development of assertiveness , good communication and negotiation skills.
- The weight of jealousy and stress. This syndrome defends the idea that, generally, it is the older and younger siblings who emerge as the parents’ “favorites”, encouraging experiences of jealousy and emotional suffering.
- They tend to take risks. The fact that parents pay more attention to the rest of the siblings makes the middle child feel freer to engage in risky behavior. This lack of supervision reinforces in them a more exploratory and risk-taking spirit.
- Independent and resourceful. Journalist Katrin Schumann has a book entitled The Secret Power of Middle Children (2011). In her work she notes that growing up in an environment where being the middle child means receiving less reinforcement is perhaps an advantage. These children may become more independent , resourceful and creative.
- Perception of abandonment and loneliness . Growing up witnessing other siblings taking up almost all of the parents’ attention would leave the imprint of these wounds. An example is found in the Indian Journal of Psychological Medicine ; their article argued that older siblings demonstrate more perfectionist traits due to parental pressure.
There are adults who grew up as the middle child and who sometimes develop problems establishing secure relationships.
Rejection sensitivity in adulthood and insecure relationships
Sometimes, the middle child grows up in a somewhat complex territory, where he lacks parental recognition and support. Thus, he develops as a witness to his other siblings receiving greater amounts of affection, security and attention. If these dynamics are fulfilled, they will have an impact on adulthood.
A study published by the International Online Journal of Educational Sciences highlights that this unequal upbringing, in which one does not feel fully loved, leaves its mark . The most obvious characteristic is the constant fear of being rejected; they fear experiencing the same emotional experiences as in childhood and this anxiety will undoubtedly harm the quality of their interpersonal relationships.
In this way, from a clinical psychology perspective, we link this last reality to attachment theories. The University of Minnesota , for example, highlights how this more vulnerable upbringing, lacking a secure emotional bond, increases the risk that romantic relationships in adulthood will be based on an anxious or insecure attachment .
How to prevent middle child syndrome?
At this point, some of you may still be wondering if middle child syndrome is real. We insist that the scientific literature does not find conclusive data . In fact, the American Psychological Association (APA) Dictionary describes it as a hypothetical condition.
However, it is a fact that discriminatory upbringing and education in terms of care and affection does sometimes lead to the appearance of certain effects such as those already described. Likewise, it has also been proven that birth order mediates dimensions such as intelligence.
In this regard, the PNAS journal shared an article stating that older siblings have higher scores on this factor. This could be associated with a greater number of reinforcements and attentions from parents to said sibling.
Therefore, if we want our children to grow up happy, with the same potential and with the best opportunities, it is important not to neglect any of them and to give them equal attention. Let’s look at some basic strategies below.
Equal attention and emotional reinforcement
Parents of large families are not always aware of these small inequalities in child care. It is true that the youngest children require more care and that great expectations are placed on the first-born. However, it is important to be careful, because middle children are the ones who feel most neglected.
- Let us harbor the same illusions in all of them.
- Let’s offer the same learning opportunities.
- Let’s provide emotional reinforcement and validation to all children equally .
- It is essential that we take an interest in knowing what each of them are like, what they like, what their dreams are.
- Let us understand that each child is unique and that each sibling will have particular needs .
Let’s avoid comparisons
Let us try not to compare siblings with each other. This practice tends to leave scars and be the subject of later resentment. If one of the children shows an advantage in an area, let us not belittle the others for not showing that particularity. Each sibling will have his or her virtues.
Quality time with everyone equally
What happens in childhood builds the person you will become tomorrow. Thus, time spent with your children acts as the foundation that remains embedded in your emotional memory. Let’s try to spend quality time with your children, together and also separately.
A fun getaway with just the middle children every now and then strengthens the bond and are moments that will always be remembered.
Let’s keep in mind the middle child syndrome
It doesn’t matter if for some it is a myth. It is clear that, sometimes, middle siblings are perceived as those invisible children on the emotional radar of their parents. Let us bear this in mind every day and try to blur this perception, stifle it and prevent the child from developing such a feeling.
Love helps prevent middle child syndrome from developing
Attention, presence, and emotional reinforcements will deactivate middle child syndrome . While no one can deny that the parenting and education journey is a challenge, let us remember that beyond food, clothing, and gifts, what they need most is our love.
Without a doubt, loving them is the best nutrient to ensure that this dimension described does not germinate in any child and drag repercussions in the future.