By A professional specializing in relationship psychology identified some expressions that may indicate a lack of tolerance, empathy and flexibility. We tell you more.
The words we use communicate more than we imagine, revealing our thoughts and feelings, as well as our abilities or lack thereof. Harvard psychologist Cortney Warren identified seven phrases that, when used frequently, could signal low emotional intelligence.
So, if you find that some of these expressions (or similar ones) are common in your interactions, you probably need to work on improving that skill. Find out during this reading if this is the case for you.
Emotional intelligence and its role in life
In simple terms, emotional intelligence is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions . It also involves the ability to understand and relate to the emotions of others in an effective way.
As Daniel Goleman puts it in his theory, “Success in life depends on 20% of IQ and 80% of emotional intelligence.” When this type of intelligence is limited, we have greater difficulties in making good decisions and managing stress . In addition, interpersonal relationships become more difficult.
But it is not all bad: this kind of intelligence can be developed ; the first step is to assess the situation we are in. On the other hand, there are signs of its inadequacy and we will address them here.
7 phrases that suggest low emotional intelligence
According to relationship psychologist Cortney Warren, it is possible to assess emotional intelligence . She specifies a set of expressions as signs that this ability can be improved, along with a concrete proposal for doing so. Let’s see what these phrases are.
1. “Your point of view is wrong”
A person with low emotional intelligence has a hard time seeing beyond his or her own nose. This makes it difficult for him or her to recognize that another person’s perspective on a specific situation, or on the world in general, is just as valid as his or her own.
- How to work on it? Make a conscious effort to listen without judging and accept that each person sees things from their own perspective. One way to do this is to avoid having prepared answers before the other person finishes giving their opinion .
2. “It’s your fault I feel this way”
Of course, the attitudes of others influence how we feel, but one’s emotions are one’s own responsibility. An emotionally intelligent person doesn’t blame others for their feelings.
- How to work on it? Seek to understand the roots of your emotions, get to know yourself and practice self-reflection . Instead of pointing fingers at others, focus on identifying how certain situations affect you and communicate this assertively .
3. “I’m not going to change, I am like this and that’s it.”
This phrase shows a closed attitude and can usually appear when someone is criticized, or when they are pointed out a mistake or an aspect to improve. A person with emotional intelligence takes constructive criticism and evaluates it.
- How to work on it? Try to be more open and more attentive to what others point out. It is true that, in many cases, they can be malicious comments. However, it is important to accept that we are human and, therefore, we make mistakes. It is not a bad idea to pay attention to our possible shortcomings.
4. “I don’t forgive you and I never will”
Lack of flexibility is one of the signs of low emotional intelligence , and this is one of the phrases that exemplifies such a deficiency. We are referring to those individuals who are unable to forgive mistakes, no matter how trivial they may be, and who hold a grudge against many people with whom they have interacted.
- How to work on it? Be more selective when deciding whether or not to forgive. Evaluate the consequences of carrying anger or resentment due to human mistakes. Consider whether it is worth keeping those feelings and how freeing yourself from them would contribute to your well-being.
5. “I don’t care how you feel”
There are those who are indifferent to how others feel. It’s not that they are bad people , but that they are so absorbed in their own world that it is very difficult for them to understand the emotional experiences of others.
- How to work on it? Focus on developing empathy . This is achieved by practicing active listening and making the effort to respect other people’s thoughts and feelings, even when they don’t coincide with yours.
6. “What are you saying?! You’re crazy!”
Calling someone “crazy” and ridiculing or overreacting to their speech reveals a lack of interest in understanding them. That is why Warren puts this as one of the phrases that represents low emotional intelligence.
- How to work on it? Boundaries are necessary. However, the healthy way to establish them is not through aggression or minimizing the experience of others. The task is to learn to say “no” in a respectful and constructive way.
7. “Your feelings are meaningless, they are absurd”
A person with sufficient emotional intelligence knows that all feelings are valid, even if they don’t understand them. Instead of dismissing others’ emotions, they respect the diversity of emotional experiences and offer comfort.
- How to work on it? To improve in this aspect, it is essential to learn to respect even what you cannot understand. This means cultivating an attitude of openness towards other people’s emotions, practicing tolerance and compassion .
Patience is key to strengthening this skill.
Emotional intelligence is like a muscle that is strengthened with practice. So, if you have identified with most of the phrases that point to low emotional intelligence, there is a lot you can do about it to change the situation.
Start by gradually applying the strategies we share here. Keep in mind that this is not something you will achieve overnight, but rather requires patience and daily effort. It is also possible to ask for the help of a therapist, if you want to undertake the process with the help of a professional.