By Some middle-aged people go through a period characterized by anxiety, dissatisfaction, sadness and a feeling of emptiness, which occurs for various reasons. Find out all about this famous crisis.
You may be afraid of getting older or of not being young anymore, or both at the same time. The truth is that the midlife crisis affects the vast majority of women and many men as well. In the case of women, this is compounded by the fact that they are entering menopause and the symptoms that it brings, both physical and psychological.
This crisis does not appear just on the day when a person blows out the 40 candles. It can develop a little earlier or later. When it appears, it is time to analyze what has been done so far and the pending issues that remain to be resolved.
In this article, we will learn, among other things, how it manifests, how to overcome it, and whether it is truly a research-backed crisis.
What is a midlife crisis?
It is a psychological event that usually happens to some adults between the ages of 40 and 60. Its main characteristic is the reflection on existence and the reevaluation of achievements and goals . Driven by the awareness of their finitude and the desire to live a full existence, the person feels pressured to modify their plans to achieve their goals.
In this moment of crisis, those who suffer from it begin to doubt the direction they have given their life and the goals they have set for themselves. This questioning produces anxiety and generates drastic changes in lifestyle. Although it is a disorienting process, full of mixed emotions due to unfulfilled expectations , it offers an opportunity for unparalleled growth.
Signs of a midlife crisis
The way a midlife crisis manifests itself can vary from person to person. As such, there is no set of “symptoms” endorsed by science or official mental health institutions. However, some signs that can be noticed are the following:
- anxiety
- nostalgia
- irritability
- impulsiveness
- boredom
- dissatisfaction
- feeling of emptiness
- lack of motivation
- sadness (depression)
- indulgent behaviors
- fatigue from the same old routine
- daydreams about another way of life
- recurring thoughts about the past
- drastic changes in appearance, relationships, lifestyle, or behavior
- thoughts like “what if I had (chosen another career, had children, made another decision)…”
Without a doubt, one of the most important signs of a midlife crisis is the need to be “young” again , that is, to be 20 years old again. This leads to the search for new experiences, to do things that one had not been able to do before for various reasons, to dress like a teenager, to go to bars or clubs, etc.
This new attitude towards life can become a wonderful new awakening, a motivation that takes us out of our routine and enriches our lives. But it can also cause a great paralyzing nostalgia, which makes us start thinking too much about what was, forgetting that we still have a lot of things to do.
“Stages” of midlife crisis
It is worth clarifying that the following “phases” that we will describe are not recognized by the scientific community. The use we give them is not official and we do not claim that they are representative of all cases. Their use is purely educational, so that we can have a general idea of the expected evolution of this phenomenon.
- Trigger: Like any crisis, it begins with a triggering event, although sometimes this is not very obvious. Some triggers are divorce, the death of a loved one, unemployment, a fatal illness, dissatisfaction, lack of purpose.
- Reflection: The person begins to think and evaluate his or her life. He or she reviews his or her goals, remembers his or her failures and the goals he or she never achieved. In this “phase” a deep questioning arises about decisions, relationships, profession, the meaning of life and any other aspect linked to the trigger.
- Crisis: This is the stage of conflict and internal tension. This is where emotions such as sadness, regret, anger, anxiety, fear of the unknown, uncertainty, etc. emerge.
- Exploration: Driven by his reflections and conflicts, the subject begins to look for new ways of living and changing that dimension of his life in which he feels dissatisfied. For example, he may participate in new activities, leave relationships, start new bonds, discover other passions, etc.
- Reconstruction: After approaching new goals, changing lifestyles and finding what they were looking for, the person reconstructs their existence, makes decisions aligned with their new objectives or values and adapts to them.
This process does not occur in a linear fashion as it may seem. These “stages” are usually overlapping and connected. The adult may go back and forth between one stage and another and experience various emotions, reflections and changes during the process.
Causes of the midlife crisis
The reasons for this crisis are diverse, but the most frequent are insecurity , excessive responsibility or routine . Also common are having conflictive partners, realizing the mistakes made, boredom or lack of clear objectives. Let’s look at other causes.
Death of a loved one
Losing a loved one (family member, friend, partner) is a shocking experience that, in middle adulthood, can lead to the onset of a midlife crisis. Death makes a person think about their own finitude and the meaning they are giving to their life.
Retirement
Retirement is a significant event that involves a considerable change in identity and routine. Some people are unable to see themselves beyond work, so retirement can leave them feeling empty and anxious about their new role in the world.
Divorce
This is another of the causes that can precipitate the crisis of the 40s. Separating not only implies a change in identity, it also implies the alteration of the entire family structure, especially if there are children. Divorce leads people to rethink life without their partner and to come face to face with being single, after so many years of living with another.
Aging
Mortality and aging are often one of the main triggers. As people approach middle age, they become more aware of their aging process and that they are “running out of time.” As a result, they begin to review their life and question what they have achieved so far.
Changes in responsibilities
As they reach middle age, both men and women may face the challenge of having to adapt to new roles that were not in their plans. For example, caring for sick parents, getting used to living at home without children ( empty nest syndrome ) and to new family dynamics, etc. These changes can generate dissatisfaction and doubts about the purpose of life.
Unfulfilled goals
Reaching 40 or 50 without having fulfilled the dreams they had when they were young can be very disappointing for many. Unfulfilled goals and unrealized expectations are strong triggers of this crisis , which leads them to rethink what they are doing and the life they are living.
Gender socialization and the midlife crisis
Gender socialization will play a key role in the crisis, depending on the context, the machismo and the patriarchy of a society. Thus, the expectations placed on men and women influence the way they interpret and feel about their lives.
By tradition, and especially in the most patriarchal cultures, men have been socialized to be strong, successful, autonomous and self-sufficient. In middle adulthood, the pressure to demonstrate success in their careers and in the financial realm (a symbol of power) can trigger a crisis if they have failed in that attempt.
Women raised in highly patriarchal societies and families are educated with a focus on care, motherhood, service and self-denial. In this context, a woman who internalizes this model may experience such a crisis if she reaches 40 without a family.
However, thanks to the fight for gender equality, these differences have evolved. Therefore, it is normal for women to also have their crises due to not succeeding in their professional careers, not being self-sufficient or independent, etc. Nowadays, gender socialization does not fully explain the crisis as it did before.
Citizens now have a greater scope to personalize their lives, which makes tracing a common cause for the crisis more complicated. Everyone experiences it for their own reasons and life experiences, as each person is the author of their own existence and their own ailments.
How long will this crisis last?
There is no standard duration, but it varies from case to case. It can last from a few months or weeks to a few years. It all depends on the person and the way they deal with it.
There are those who go through the crisis very quickly; they are able to resolve the conflict that it generates and create new meanings, purposes and directions with relative ease. Meanwhile, for others, the process is slower and more prolonged; in addition, they avoid it and find it difficult to face the challenge that the crisis poses to them.
Coping also depends on contextual variables. For example, if a person receives support from family and friends, or if they are in good mental and physical health, they may recover more quickly. Similarly, economic stability and the availability of resources play an important role in managing the crisis.
What you can do in the face of this crisis
It is essential to maintain a positive attitude . It doesn’t matter if people tell you that you are already “older”, it is good to know that age brings experience, anecdotes and knowledge. You still have many years ahead of you, it is not worth spending them suffering.
Don’t forget to enjoy yourself. The experience of growing up and going through many problems makes you even more interesting and prepared for what comes next. You will have greater self-control and you will know the consequences of your actions. Remember that the best time is here and now. Here are some other suggestions.
1. Review your goals
As you know, this crisis can be a consequence of not meeting your goals. It is necessary, then, that you take a few moments to evaluate your goals and values. Make a list of your current goals and values, and compare them with the ones you had before. Now, ask yourself if the ones you have now really reflect what you want and what you care about. If not, it is time to redefine them.
2. Protect your health
The level of stress, anxiety, worry or sadness that you may experience during this period affects your health. Therefore, we suggest that you change your habits and do activities that improve your mental and physical health. Exercise , meditate, get enough sleep, express your emotions, spend time with your friends and family, go to therapy , etc.
3. Connect with your hobbies
Make time for those hobbies you’ve forgotten about . Connect with what you still like. If you’ve stopped enjoying activities you used to enjoy, then it’s time to explore new ones. Try a new hobby, such as going for a walk, dancing, doing theatre or sports, doing artistic activities…
4. Nurture and care for your relationships
Meaningful relationships with friends and family are an invaluable source of support to get through this crisis. Seek refuge in them and spend quality time with them to strengthen the bond. Organize meetings to talk, vent, and ask them for advice . Let them help and care for you, too.
5. Accept change
Embrace the present and the changes it is bringing you. Accept what happens, but don’t resign yourself to it. On the contrary, look for ways to improve. Practice gratitude so that you don’t focus so much on what you lack . Write about what you are experiencing and how this can help you grow as a person.
Is there really a midlife crisis?
So far, we have conceptualized the term “midlife crisis” based on popular knowledge that has been disseminated through the media, TV series and movies. But what does science and research say about it? Do people really have a crisis when they reach middle age?
The truth is that research does not support this crisis or recognize it as a universal phenomenon. A study published in Motivation and Emotion indicates that only 26% of people over 40 years of age have this crisis. Furthermore, it does not appear as a consequence of age, but rather of significant events.
Experts in midlife development reaffirm that the “midlife crisis” can occur at any time during adulthood, since it is not triggered by age , but by events independent of it, such as the loss of a job, illness, financial difficulties, among others.
This famous crisis is more of a social construct, fueled by the entertainment industry, than a normative experience. It is important to keep this in mind, because, as Margie Lachman pointed out in 2015 , promoting it can lead to a self-fulfilling prophecy. In addition, says the researcher, it can be used as an excuse for bad behavior and lead to erroneous diagnoses.
The crisis: a period of reflection
In this article, we have learned that, despite the lack of empirical support, the “midlife crisis” is a term used to refer to a period of deep introspection and reflection, where a person questions different aspects of his or her life. It has no fixed duration or universal causes.
It is necessary to take it as an opportunity to grow and rediscover what really matters. Thanks to it, some people have the possibility of enriching their lives and living with greater wisdom. Every crisis marks a before and after that makes our existence more fulfilled. We just have to know how to take advantage of them.