By Insecurity, lack of assertiveness and fear of negative judgments are the main characteristics of people who have a low self-esteem.
In this article, we will explore the main characteristics of people with low self-esteem and some tips for working on it. This analysis is essential, since maintaining good self-esteem over time is related to a higher quality of life and emotional well-being .
However, self-esteem, as a dimension sensitive to events—both internal and external—varies throughout our lives. This happens because the perception of our personal worth is closely linked to the positive and negative milestones of our history . Let’s therefore begin to analyze this dimension in depth. Don’t miss anything.
What is self-esteem?
To begin with, we can understand self-esteem as the way in which we make judgments about ourselves . The intention of these judgments is usually inquisitive, and they can be positive or negative.
Taking Carl Rogers’ work as a reference , many of the negative judgments we make about ourselves are the result of the comparison between our “real self” and an “ideal self.” Sometimes, this ideal is built from aspirational models of beauty, fame and wealth and, as it is not grounded in our real characteristics, it negatively affects the way we feel about ourselves.
These evaluations that we make about ourselves are subjective and are usually highly emotional . That is, they are closely linked to the feelings that we experience about ourselves . If the evaluation is negative, then we will have low self-esteem.
What characterizes people with low self-esteem?
As mentioned, one of the main characteristics of people with low self-esteem is negative self-talk . That is, establishing an internal dialogue in which achievements, growth or effort are omitted . In other words, the elements that speak well of ourselves.
In this way, this dialogue tends to fuel emotions such as insecurity and self-distrust.
However, there are other characteristic features of these people. Let’s look at them in detail below.
1. Insecurity and lack of self-confidence
People with low self-esteem tend to be insecure and indecisive . They may have a hard time making decisions or taking risks, as they are afraid of making mistakes and errors. They are also defensive when faced with criticism and more sensitive to peer pressure, which also makes decision-making difficult.
Thus, they continually experience feelings of guilt and regret, both for the mistakes they have made and for the opportunities they have missed.
For this reason, and as a study published in the Journal of Vocational Behavior warns , people with low self-esteem are more reluctant to accept positive compliments ; even when these come from people close to them. Another study published in the Journal of Vocational Behavior suggested that higher self-esteem can help alleviate the negative effects of loss of control in work environments; so low self-esteem has the opposite effect.
2. Fear of negative judgments
Related to the above, it is possible that people with self-esteem problems show excessive concern about what others will say . That is, they tend to assimilate under a pessimistic magnifying glass what they understand to be the opinion of others.
This is explained by the importance that perceived social support has for people. In fact, feeling that others support you (and that they have a good opinion of you) is correlated with good self-esteem . A biased or erroneous perception, in this case, would contribute to not improving in this aspect.
3. Avoidant behaviors
It is also possible that this fear may lead to avoidance behavior toward new challenges due to fear of failure and making mistakes. There may also be a tendency to want to remain in the background , to be invisible, and thus avoid attracting attention.
The danger of experiential avoidance is that it is correlated with the appearance of emotional disorders . In this way, one would enter a loop in which the lack of self-esteem leads to avoidance and this feeds the negative feelings produced by low self-esteem .
4. Lack of assertiveness
Consequently, a characteristic of low self-esteem is often a lack of assertiveness , that is, a low ability to clearly express desires and needs . In addition, there may be a tendency for people with self-esteem problems to be unable to say “no,” and end up making unwanted commitments or performing actions against their will.
5. Emotional dependence
On the other hand, emotional dependence and idealization of others are also characteristics of low self-esteem . Faced with a negative self-evaluation, people with low self-esteem may construct ideally perfect versions of the people close to them, especially those on whom they are emotionally dependent.
A study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin reported that people with low self-esteem tend to display behaviors associated with indirect support seeking. That is, they engage in actions such as sulking, whining, or showing sadness to obtain social support . This is partially related to their emotional dependence.
6. Distorted self-concept
Additionally, an important trait associated with low self-esteem is taking the focus off qualities . That is, stripping the object of our gaze of our achievements and our potential.
Low self-esteem can also lead us to be overly critical, inflexible and demanding of ourselves, i.e., to practice maladaptive perfectionism. This is largely observed in the educational field and in the field of body satisfaction .
7. Tendency to self-sabotage
Finally, the tendency to think things like “I’m unlucky” or “I’ll never be able to achieve that” is also a characteristic of people with low self-esteem. They may also display negative attitudes and little willingness to change.
Unconsciously, these ideas lead to behaviors that sabotage those very achievements . For example, if a student believes that he or she will be unable to pass a subject, he or she is more likely to spend little time studying for it. The result will, in effect, be a failure.
Similarly, low self-esteem has been linked to self-sabotage in relationships . In principle, this manifests itself in different aspects of a person’s life, such as work, family, friendship, and other relationships.
How to strengthen self-esteem?
Fortunately, we can take action to feel better about ourselves. We have the opportunity to consciously and intentionally work on how we evaluate ourselves and achieve results that benefit us.
Strategies such as journaling and recording how these achievements make us feel can go a long way toward strengthening our self-esteem. This is because it will help us recognize our triumphs and push us to pursue new goals every day.
It is also important to take a look at how we express our thoughts. Are we assertive? How do we set boundaries for others in matters that concern us?
The importance of going to the psychologist
Finally, we can seek professional help to try to identify the origin of these negative feelings towards us . This action can be very important for our emotional well-being, since low self-esteem is often present (and triggers) in disorders such as eating disorders or depression.
So, take some time to take care of your mental health and transform your life into a kinder path. And of course, remember: you don’t have to do it alone .