By Do you feel unattractive? Do you not connect with the image that your mirror reflects every day? In the following article we give you some keys to reflect and improve the perception you have of yourself.
“What can I do if I don’t feel attractive?” This negative view of yourself responds to a fairly widespread phenomenon. Biased self-perception is now a common reality among men and women, regardless of age or social status . The ideal thing in these cases is to reformulate many of your beliefs.
We also live in a society dominated by the tyranny of image and likes . Feeling like you don’t fit in is understandable, given the artificial beauty standards imposed on us by various media. Accepting yourself and connecting with your image in order to appreciate it requires a deep emotional, cognitive and attitudinal craftsmanship that we detail below.
You’ve been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn’t worked. Try approving yourself and see what happens.
~ Louise Hay (You Can Heal Your Life, 1984) ~
What can I do if I don’t feel attractive?
The way you perceive your appearance influences many areas of your life, especially your interpersonal relationships. Research published in Biological Sciences highlights that certain more attractive facial features are usually accompanied by greater social success. We all know this. However, you should also keep in mind one detail.
Beauty is a cultural, educational and personal construct that you develop in relation to everything around you . Factors such as comparison or even the messages you receive from your environment condition the way you see yourself. The good news is that you can change that approach to make it healthier and more affectionate. Liking yourself a little more is possible and we explain how to do it.
Disable your negative attention bias
Where do you look when you look in the mirror? What do you think about while you observe yourself? One of the reasons why you don’t feel attractive has to do with your self-referential processing and attention bias . In fact, the journal Neuroscience Research points out how these factors mediate the construction of your own self-esteem.
Now, what do these concepts mean and how should you work on them to feel better? We explain:
- Don’t focus on flaws . Negative attention bias causes you to focus again and again on those aspects of your face or body that you like the least. To avoid this, look away from those points and accept them as they are.
- Appreciate the attractive parts of yourself. Keep in mind: we all have imperfect areas and other more beautiful areas. Even if you have striking ears, your eyes and lips may be your strong point. Appreciate those parts and direct your attention to the areas of your body and face that you do like.
- Compassionate self-referential processing. If you look at yourself every day and only think about how unattractive you are and keep telling yourself “I don’t feel attractive,” you will reinforce your negative attentional bias. To reframe it, try to look at yourself from a place of compassion and respect. You deserve to treat yourself well, to appreciate yourself in a whole and empathetic way.
Practice neutrality with your appearance
Surely phrases like “love your body”, which our society repeats so often, are difficult for you to follow. You are not alone in this, and that is why another formulation emerged years ago.
Practicing neutrality in your appearance means ceasing to value yourself for who you are, in order to appreciate everything you can do . This is a very enriching new approach. To achieve this goal, keep in mind the following dimensions:
- Appreciate the here and now without leaving room for self-criticism .
- You don’t have to adore your face and body, just accept them without judging them.
- Start new activities that make you feel good and allow you to enjoy yourself.
- Enjoy every activity that your body allows you to do (working, dancing, hugging, walking, etc.).
The importance of self-care
It’s normal to say to yourself at times that you don’t feel attractive. After all, it’s hard to like yourself every day. The key is to ensure that this negative self-perception is not a constant every time you look in the mirror . You need to control and regulate it to safeguard your psychological well-being .
As you well know, body dissatisfaction has a huge impact on our youth. Not liking oneself, as pointed out in a paper published by the Journal of Clinical Child and Adolescent Psychology , is correlated with anxiety problems. Thus, to prevent and address negative judgments about your own image, it is advisable to practice good self-care.
Validating your emotional needs, surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you, being kind to yourself, and developing healthy habits will go a long way.
Boost your self-esteem and self-confidence
To be attractive, you don’t need to have a perfect body and face. Your personality and self- confidence are great pillars for being liked and, above all, being liked . In fact, the more you value yourself and your skills, the more your perception of your image will improve significantly.
The Encyclopedia of Body Image and Human Appearance highlights how this same link between body image and self-esteem can affect people throughout their entire life cycle, and not just the youngest. Therefore, in order to improve these areas of your well-being, it will be useful to put the following into practice:
- Trust your skills .
- Learn new skills.
- Ask your family and friends what the best thing about you is.
- Be proud of your accomplishments – big and small.
- Recognize your worth, talent and what makes you unique.
- Remember all those who appreciate you just the way you are.
- Find that style of dress and haircut that makes you feel good and empower yourself.
- Set yourself new challenges. You’ll see how your self-confidence improves when you conquer them.
Physical attractiveness is almost always a subjective perception conditioned by your social and cultural environment. Working on self-confidence, self-esteem and attitude will allow you to look better and feel more secure in your interpersonal relationships.
Avoid comparing yourself with others
If you’ve been telling yourself “I don’t feel attractive” for a while, there’s another variable you need to address. It’s time to stop comparing yourself to others, whether it’s those around you or figures on Instagram or TikTok. In this regard, the journal Frontiers in Psychology published a study in which they point out how social media can affect your subjective well-being by facilitating this comparative mechanism.
From today on, train your mind to focus its attention on yourself in a healthy way and not so much on others. You are someone unique, with your peculiarities, your beauties and defects, just like everyone else . Beauty is in diversity and not in homogeneity. Avoid wanting to meet an ideal of attractiveness that is as impossible as it is unhealthy.
Filter the messages you receive and keep the positive ones
“You would look more attractive if you lost weight.” “You would be much more attractive if you had done some cosmetic work.” You may receive comments from those around you that invalidate your self-image . It is not only social media that sends you biased messages about the ideal of beauty. Your friends and even your family can offer you inaccurate and even harmful judgments.
Put filters and protective mechanisms in place against those words from others that weaken your self-esteem. Keep only those words and comments that reinforce it.
Take care of your internal dialogue
The way you talk to yourself affects how you see yourself. Culture and society may convince you that you don’t fit the distorted canon of what is considered beautiful and attractive. However, your negative self-talk is what most sabotages your ability to have a healthy self-image .
Try to reframe it, change your conversational dynamics and make it more respectful and healthy. Fire your inner judge so that it doesn’t devalue and criticize you again.
Being attractive is an attitude
If you feel good on the inside, you will perceive yourself better on the outside. So, when you say to yourself “I don’t feel attractive” it is important to know that this perception is often very subjective . Consider that there are people with striking physical characteristics – such as having an aquiline nose – who attract people because of their attitude.
You are faced with a dimension that you can train and improve. Work on your emotions, find that point of well-being and inner calm to then enhance your charisma, charm and social skills. Your self-image will improve.
Surviving a world dominated by the tyranny of beauty
You will agree that we live in a time where physical image has great power. However, the beauty that is sold to us is not always real or the healthiest. Therefore, try to be critical of this type of ideas that can reach you from almost any area; including that of the people around you.
Lastly, and most importantly, don’t hesitate to consult a specialized professional if this negative perception of you persists over time . Sometimes, behind these attributions and emotional distress, a clinical condition may be hidden. Remember that there are effective therapies that will restore your self-confidence and the well-being you need.