By Friendships require a conscious effort to cultivate a quality bond, but this is not always achieved. What ingredients make up a lasting friendship? Find out in the following reading.
Friendship is one of the most beneficial bonds we enjoy. We all want to find like-minded people with whom that intimacy and emotional closeness is sustained and grows. However, relationships often become damaged and each person goes their separate ways. To prevent this from happening, it is important to know what lasting friendships have in common.
As we said, friends promote our happiness and emotional well-being , protect our physical and psychological health, and even increase our longevity; this is detailed in the book The psychology of friendship, (2017). But what characteristics must a friendship have for these positive effects to occur and be maintained over time? We explore the answer below.
What do lasting friendships have in common?
Each of us may have a different opinion of what a true friendship is . There are people who seek a deep emotional connection and those who prioritize making plans in the company of another. There are those for whom it is important to maintain frequent contact and those who feel that friendship is demonstrated by being there during difficult times.
Beyond these individual expectations, what does science say about long-lasting friendships? Let’s look at some of the most interesting findings.
Deep knowledge of the other
Do you think you know your friends? We tend to think that the basis of a friendship is how much we know about the other person, as well as the degree to which we can describe them and understand what they like and enjoy. However, an interesting study published in Psychological Science found that even more important is knowing what annoys the other person.
In particular, it seems useful to understand what kind of situations or events trigger a negative emotional reaction in the other person. According to the findings, this is associated with a reduction in feelings of conflict and an increase in feelings of depth in the relationship, leading to a longer-lasting friendship.
Expression of gratitude
All relationships (friendship and any other type) go through difficult times, disagreements and difficulties. Therefore, for them to last, it is important that both people are able to have intimate communication . In this regard, gratitude is key.
Indeed, a study reviewed by Studies in Psychology indicates that expressing gratitude to a friend increases the positive perception of each other. Since this is the only way to resolve conflicts in a healthy and assertive way, it is a crucial element in lifelong friendships.
Contact frequency
Although, as we said, not all people value or need spending time with their friends to the same degree, this seems to be an important component. A study published in The International Journal of Aging and Human Development suggests that the frequency of contact is related to the benefits of friendship.
Friends are people with whom we spend the most time and activities, with whom we meet face to face, and who contribute to our well-being and health. Bearing in mind that the healthiest and most satisfying relationships are the ones we most want to maintain over time, gives us an idea of the importance of sharing moments together frequently.
Self-disclosure
The main ingredient of a friendship is emotional intimacy. This is closeness, connection and mutual sympathy. In a good friendship, both people know, understand, appreciate and respect each other. But it is not something that arises automatically, but is built through self -disclosure .
The latter consists of sharing relevant information about oneself, opening up to others and giving them access to your inner world. This is one of the most important factors in deepening and solidifying a friendship and letting it grow (Oswald, 2017).
Safety and support
Finally, lasting friendships have in common that they provide safe spaces for their members. The foundation of these is the trust of knowing that the other will keep our secrets and will be available to offer us encouragement, appreciation and practical support when we need it.
This is supported by a publication in Trends in cognitive sciences . Friends provide moral and emotional support, as well as protection against external threats and stress. The foundations of a lasting friendship are reciprocity and balanced effort from both parties.
Friendships that last must be enriching
As you can see, long-lasting friendships usually have the elements to make us feel happier, supported and safer in our daily lives. This is the result of a joint effort to build and sustain a bond of such quality.
However, long-lasting friendships are not always the healthiest . If we have difficulty setting boundaries, if we are driven by guilt or nostalgia, or if we fear being alone, we may tolerate exchanges that are toxic .
Because of this, it is important to demystify that only lasting friendships are worth it and to dare to let go and open ourselves up to meeting new people who, perhaps, are more in tune with who we are at present.