By Talking about sex with your children can be a complex and difficult situation to approach. However, there are several ways to address this topic that is of utmost importance in parenting. Learn about them in this reading.
Talking about sex with children remains a difficult issue for our generation. Times change, but ensuring the emotional, physical and social well-being of offspring is still a concern for those who are responsible for other human beings.
Sex education is a fundamental topic in the development of children and in their adolescence, when they are more vulnerable to external influences on issues of sexuality. Therefore, talking openly about sex with them is an art that every tutor must master . In this article, we will explore these issues and you will find tips to approach the subject in a positive way. Don’t miss it.
The enormous importance of sexual education for children
Comprehensive sexuality education plays a crucial role in the healthy development of children and adolescents. A study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health points out that adequate sexuality education is associated with significant benefits, such as a reduction in the risk of unintended pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases and risky sexual behaviors .
Furthermore, well-implemented sexual education not only acts as a barrier to physical problems, but focuses on promoting healthy relationships, consent, self-respect and respect for others, and positive self-esteem . Parents are essential in this process, as they are the main source of information and social support for their children.
Psychological and cultural challenges in conversations about sexuality
It is common to find that certain parents experience fear, shame or discomfort when addressing the subject, due to their own poor sexual education or restrictive cultural beliefs. An added fear is not knowing how to respond to their children’s questions appropriately.
Culturally, sexuality has been a taboo subject in many Western — and Westernized — societies, making it difficult to be open and honest in conversations about the topic . Gender stereotypes and restrictive social norms can also influence how you talk about sex with your children if you were raised in this type of context.
Tips for talking about sex with your children in a positive tone
Even though these barriers are impossible to ignore, it is always possible to learn from them and break them down. Here are some tips that will help you achieve this.
1. Start early and build a solid foundation
Even if young children have no notions about sex, they can learn about it from the beginning of their social education. Dealing with this topic in an open and normal way will help them see relationships as what they are: another component of the adult life they are heading towards .
2. Adapt the language to your child’s age
Use clear and precise terms, avoiding unnecessary or overwhelming information . For example, a small child will be confused if too many technical terms are used. It also doesn’t help to sugarcoat things with euphemisms, so use a tone that is as neutral as possible and keep words simple.
3. Create a safe space in your home
Having good communication with your children about sex inevitably involves them feeling safe when talking and asking questions. To do this, create an environment free of judgement and criticism, where problems are addressed from a pragmatic perspective and questions are answered avoiding prejudices and false myths .
This involves using active listening and validating your children’s feelings. Never force conversations about sexuality or invade their privacy, as everyone should be able to set their own boundaries about what they share and what they practice.
4. Educate yourself to talk about the topic
Since you are the person who is going to educate others, you should base your knowledge on reliable sources and accurate information. Don’t hesitate to read all the scientific information you can find on the topics you want to discuss with your children (or that they have asked you about). You can also look for support groups with other tutors, books or advice from experts in sexual education .
Probably, the practices and conception of sex are not the same between your generation and theirs.
It doesn’t matter if you grew up with different beliefs and learning than your children. The goal is always the same: to promote respect, a natural conception of sex and open communication .
5. Set an example with your behavior
There is no point in having a long talk about sexuality if your attitude and practices do not match the ideas you convey. It is important for both you and your children to be consistent and for them to see your efforts to improve in all aspects of life .
By displaying appropriate behavior and providing the necessary information, your children will have a point of reference on the subject that they will consider reliable and will not turn to harmful sources, such as pornography.
6. Emotional education is also important
Sexuality and emotions are inseparable. It is also important to practice emotional regulation strategies within the family, as this provides adolescents with better tools for social relationships.
In fact, as noted in the International Journal of Sexual Health , good emotional regulation reduces young people’s impulsiveness and makes them actively participate in healthy sexual practices .
One last tip for talking about sex with your kids
As mentioned, it is normal to encounter barriers when it comes to talking about sex with your children in an open and natural way. The age at which you start and the people with whom you have sex are examples of scenarios that need to be addressed by overcoming cultural and social pressure. However, if you feel that there are difficulties that are beyond your control, do not hesitate to seek professional advice .
Be understanding of their opinions and try to resolve any questions they may have. Remember that everyone makes mistakes in parenting . However, with effort and understanding, you can ensure that your children remember your efforts in raising them with generosity.