Signs of regret after an affair

Is it possible to forgive your partner after being unfaithful? To decide, the first step is to detect if he or she is truly sorry. The keys offered here will help you to determine this.
Finding out that your partner is unfaithful is a turning point in a relationship. It causes both pain and confusion when making decisions: should you forgive or not? Does he or she really regret it? Is it possible to continue the relationship if he or she shows signs of regret after the infidelity?

The truth is that this decision is up to you alone. However, it will be useful to gather information to decide whether or not to move forward with the relationship. This begins by knowing if the other person really wants to make amends for their mistake. Here you will find the most positive signs of this attitude.

Signs of regret after an infidelity

Each person expresses regret in a different way. However, behind their actions, it is possible to infer certain mental processes and significant attitudes in this regard. Let’s look at these behaviors one by one.

1. Show true remorse

The person shows real sadness and anguish for what he did. He will apologize , you will see him in low spirits, crying, isolating himself… he will feel bad for his actions and it will be noticeable, without a doubt.

2. He is transparent and speaks sincerely

It’s natural to feel bad after cheating on your partner , but there are several steps to take to repair the damage. The first step is to offer information without reservation, answering honestly to each question you ask. Even if it’s painful to hear, take advantage of the opportunity to gather all the details you need to make a decision.

He or she will tell you in detail what happened without hiding anything from you. In addition, this person appears ashamed, guilty and affected by breaking the fidelity contract.

3. Show empathy for your pain

Another of the clearest signs of regret after infidelity is the feeling of empathy towards your discomfort. Your partner will be sensitive to your emotions and will be willing to ease your pain,  even if he or she thinks you will reject him or her.

When you let her, she is there for you, to listen, support and encourage you. She is not passive in the face of your suffering, but rather strives to make you feel a little more encouraged or content. She asks you about what you need at that moment and fulfills your request, if it is within her capacity.

4. Take responsibility

This person already knows and assumes that he or she has caused you great harm. If he or she regrets it, he or she should express it and never hold you responsible for his or her actions. Excuses like “you don’t give me what I need” or “we were on bad terms” are not valid.

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5. Commit to change

Aside from all of the above, in order to offer to continue the relationship, your partner must show commitment. It is advisable to talk about what measures you will take, being as specific as possible. Abstract commitments such as “I will change” or ” I will not be unfaithful again ” sometimes fade over time.

6. Respect your times

It is very possible that you need time to think and make the decision to forgive the infidelity or not continue with the relationship. A repentant partner respects that you ask for space to think and waits for your answer without pressuring you.

7. Break off all contact with the other relationship

Depending on the type of infidelity , one way to show remorse is to cut off the relationship with the other person. Sometimes, it is a matter of one night, but if it is something repeated and contact with the third person continues, it is not a good sign.

8. Your behavior is consistent with your commitment

Once you have made your promises and assumed responsibility, you must be consistent in fulfilling them. Thus, one of the strongest proofs of repentance is, precisely, to follow through with your commitment to the end in order to regain your trust .

9. Are you willing to go to a professional?

You may need to consult your case in couples therapy . In that scenario, your partner will not have any problems and will show willingness to accompany you if you ask him/her.

10. He told you voluntarily

Regret and guilt can make your partner confess his or her infidelity before you find out. This act is very positive because it shows an intention to be honest and improve things.

11. He is interested in repairing the damage

Repentance is not only evident in apologies, but also in restorative actions. It is a good sign if the person takes an active role in improving the bond. For example, if they are trying hard to regain your trust and seek professional help, they are surely remorseful.

12. You receive positive feedback from third parties

Friends and family tell you that they notice your partner is distressed and sad in their conversations. They tell you that he or she is not having a good time either and that he or she insists a lot on getting back in touch with you.

This is one of the signs of regret after an infidelity, as long as it is not done with the intention that your acquaintances will deliberately make such comments to you.

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13. Change your attitude

He/she shows that he/she wants to be a better person and rethinks the values ​​that guide his/her life. He/she starts to give you more priority and works on himself/herself to bring out a more noble, kind, faithful and sincere version of himself/herself in the bond he/she has with you.

14. Spend more time with you

You’ll know there’s true regret behind the infidelity by signs like the amount of quality time you spend with him . He plans more activities with you to share moments and create new experiences. He thinks about your interests and invites you to do things he knows you’ll like. He puts a lot of effort into getting you back.

15. Seek greater connection with yourself

After the infidelity, his regret leads him to seek  greater intimacy  with you on an emotional level. He asks you how you feel, wants to make you feel better, and validates you.

16. Avoid suspicious behavior

Since he confessed his deception to you, he avoids behaviors that may fuel your doubts or distrust. He is very careful about what he does and says so as not to hurt you. He is very transparent in his actions.

Are signs of repentance a guarantee?

Unfortunately, just because someone shows remorse for a bad action, such as cheating, is not an absolute guarantee that they won’t do it again. While the signs you’ve read here are pretty solid, it’s up to you whether or not you believe it will happen again.

You can’t stop someone from cheating on you, you can only trust them not to. There’s no point in restricting someone else’s freedom (monitoring their cell phone, controlling who they go out with and where, etc.), because if they want to be unfaithful, they’ll find an opportunity. Therefore, the trust you place in a partner will depend on how secure they are with their behavior.

Forgive or not? You are free to try.

There is no absolute answer to this question. It is difficult to regain trust in another person, sometimes this is something that lasts forever, and in many other contexts the attraction to the partner is also compromised. However, you are free to try, because there are cases in which happiness can be rebuilt.

We recommend that, if you want to do it, you go to therapy together. In this space you will find a guide for the whole process and help to better manage the negative (and intense) emotions that appear. And, finally, remember to put honesty first when you decide what to do with your relationship.