By Boosting a child’s self-esteem is not enough to tell them “You’re great and the most handsome in the world.” More effective strategies are required. We explain how to achieve this without making common mistakes.
It would be wonderful if every child came into the world with a personal manual that told us how to care for them, respond to their needs, and make them a happy, independent, self-fulfilling person. But instead, we often act by feeling our way through them, almost instinctively.
One of the areas in which we tend to make the most mistakes is in caring for our self-esteem . We often adopt erroneous approaches that, far from enhancing this dimension of psychological well-being, hinder it. An example of this is excessive praise in an inauthentic way.
Our children are not naive. The goal we must set ourselves is to build in them an adequate sense of self-competence and self-love . In a competitive society that tends to question our worth, nothing is more important than addressing this area of mental health.
Common mistakes parents make that damage their children’s self-esteem
Self-esteem refers to the way we see ourselves and how we think others see us. This perception is influenced by our environment, and especially by that of our caregivers. Every message given or not given, every interaction and experience lived in early childhood are key to the construction of this dimension.
That is to say, self-esteem is not built only by our perceptions, but the influence of our parents, siblings, teachers and friends is also decisive . And let’s be clear about one thing: it is easier to develop it in a child than to have to repair it in an adult.
In addition, and in relation to this idea, a study from the University of California points out something important: the family environment can sometimes be so complex that a child’s self-esteem can be affected by numerous factors, such as the presence of a psychological disorder in the parents.
On the other hand, we cannot ignore the ways in which parents damage their children’s self-esteem without knowing it. We analyze them.
1. Not giving them responsibilities appropriate to their age
Overprotection is an obstacle to the proper development of children’s self-esteem. It is important to remember that if there is one thing a child needs , it is to feel competent, and to do so, there is nothing better than offering them responsibilities appropriate to their age.
If you grow up assuming that there will always be someone willing to make your life easier and solve your problems, sooner or later you will come face to face with reality.
Instead, children who discover early on that they are capable of multitasking on their own effectively build self-efficacy, according to a study published in Frontiers in Education .
- How to do it better?
Every day, there are many opportunities for children to learn to be more independent. Let us encourage them and trust in them, in their worth and their abilities, according to their age.
2. Prevent them from making mistakes
There are parents who spend part of their lives acting like heroes rescuing their children. They prevent them from falling, making mistakes , failing and being disappointed. Making mistakes and making the mental effort to resolve the incident gives every child a valuable opportunity for growth.
Self-esteem is also built through overcoming adversity, something a child can learn from the simplest and most innocent experiences.
- How to do it better?
While it is a priority to safeguard the child’s safety and well-being, there are experiences that they must go through on their own. Perhaps, and just as an example, not reminding them that they left the ball at home before going to play in the park will make them take responsibility for their things next time without having to depend so much on mom or dad.
Keeping children isolated from everyday challenges hinders their psychosocial development and the building of good self-esteem.
3. Abuse of positive reinforcement
There are parents who describe everything their children do as extraordinary, telling them that they are brilliant, the best in the world and the most intelligent.
It may be the case that our child shows us a drawing that he is aware is not his best work. If mom and dad tell him that it is a “wonder,” he will know that it is not true. This makes it difficult for him to feel motivated to improve, since his parents seem to find everything he does fascinating .
- How to do it better?
Any reinforcement given to a child must be sincere, easy to understand and educational . If we want to improve our child’s self-esteem, it will always be better to say “I’m proud of how hard you’ve worked” than “you do everything right because you’re the most handsome boy in the world.”
4. Protect them from their own emotions
When a child is crying, sad or frustrated, it is tempting to buy them an ice cream or a toy . We will manage to put an instant smile on their faces. However, what lessons will they gain from it? Few or none.
Parents damage their children’s self-esteem by minimizing or preventing them from learning to control their emotions. A study conducted at the University of César Vallejo highlights the correlation between emotional regulation and self-esteem, which also implies the ability to manage one’s own feelings without being dominated by them.
- How to do it better?
It never hurts for parents to learn appropriate emotional intelligence strategies to educate their children . A form of negligence on the part of caregivers that always takes its toll on children is not understanding or knowing how to regulate their own emotions.
5. Educate in perfection
Educating for perfection is educating for anxiety and the perception that one is never up to what is asked of one. It is true that every parent wants their children to be successful. However, above exceptional achievement is happiness, enjoying childhood and not ending up developing unhealthy self-demands from a very early age .
As mentioned in a research published in the Journal of Reflection and Educational Research , children with maladaptive perfectionism almost always present weak and fragmented self-esteem.
- How to do it better?
It is good to set goals and objectives for our children, milestones that they should strive for. This promotes their maturity and responsibility. However, these objectives must be realistic, agreed upon with our own children and also motivating for them.
In conclusion, let us aim for a balance
Allowing mistakes, avoiding excessive and disproportionate praise, and assigning responsibilities appropriate to their age are key aspects to fostering healthy self-esteem in our children.
This harmonious and balanced approach will provide them with the necessary tools to develop self-confidence and face life’s challenges with resilience and self-acceptance.