By Denying an uncomfortable reality or minimizing a problem may give you a momentary respite, but it has negative consequences in the long run. Explore this psychological strategy that we all resort to at some point.
Denial is a useful defence mechanism. It is used, among other things, to avoid physical or emotional pain, overcome a conflict, deny reality, evade an episode of shame or confront fear. However, in the medium and long term, or if used excessively, this resource can generate unfavourable effects on the personal and social level.
This is undoubtedly one of the first defense strategies we learn during childhood. It involves both not recognizing reality and not accepting its consequences. And it is precisely the latter that, in certain contexts and people, causes problems. Let’s analyze its origin, examples and how to recognize it.
What is denial as a defense mechanism?
In psychoanalysis, defense mechanisms are psychological strategies that people use, generally unconsciously, to protect themselves from anxiety and emotional threats. They are resources that our mind uses to stay stable when things get difficult, either by distorting or denying reality.
Sigmund Freud introduced the concept of denial as part of his theory of defensive mechanisms; and Anna Freud , his daughter, studied and expanded on this concept. Through this particular dynamic, people refuse to accept or acknowledge what distresses or overwhelms them.
Examples
A clear example of the use of denial is found in people with addiction . They tend to deny the seriousness of their problem, and even its existence, and minimize the effects of excessive consumption of substances or addictive behaviors.
They also tend to convince themselves that they have control over the situation, when in fact they are avoiding facing the consequences of their reality. Let’s look at other common cases in which people resort to this psychological technique.
Denying a loss
Denial is the first reaction in the grieving process . After losing a loved one, it is common to deny their death at first. Thoughts like “it can’t be real” or “it has to be a mistake” are common. These ideas act as a way to protect us from the pain we would face when accepting the death.
Ignoring a problematic fact
Another example would be denying or completely ignoring that we have serious financial problems, because we act as if they don’t exist. It’s not just about not mentioning or admitting financial conflicts in front of others, but also convincing ourselves that we don’t have them.
Rejecting the seriousness of a matter
When faced with a terminal illness, we might minimize the seriousness of the clinical picture, even when doctors warn us about it. For example, this dynamic might also lead us to not believe that our relationship is at risk due to communication problems, downplaying disputes.
Denying an inner conflict
Imagine that you fall in love with your best friend and that creates an intense emotional conflict. In this case, you might not take charge of your romantic feelings and reject the idea that things are happening to you with this person or convince yourself that it is just a passing attraction.
Its difference with repression
At first glance, repression and denial seem to be identical concepts. However, they refer to two different defensive mechanisms. Both strategies seek to protect our stability, but they operate in different ways depending on the circumstances and the nature of the conflict.
Repression involves the unconscious act of forgetting or pushing out of our consciousness thoughts, emotions or memories that would otherwise cause the distress often associated with traumatic experiences . It is as if our mind buries them deep within to protect us from their emotional impact.
Denial , on the other hand, involves a form of conscious or unconscious resistance to accepting reality as it is. In this case, there is an active refusal to acknowledge certain uncomfortable aspects of the truth.
Does denial protect us or harm us?
Let’s understand this through some examples. When someone denies their sexual orientation, evades responsibility for a conflict, or ignores the presence of mental health problems such as depression or addiction, they do so to protect themselves from the stress and emotional distress that these issues bring.
Like all other defense mechanisms, denial offers temporary relief, but its long-term consequences are not good. By avoiding facing internal or external challenges appropriately, problems can escalate and become more difficult to manage.
Denying an uncomfortable or unpleasant truth does not make it go away.
Thus, not accepting the seriousness of a medical problem would lead to not committing to treatment, which negatively affects the course of the disease. Similarly, not giving credit to relationship problems keeps us on our toes, which could further deteriorate the relationship. Therefore, it is crucial not to abuse this psychological strategy.
How do I know that I am resorting to denial?
Depending on your personality and the emotional context you find yourself in, recognizing denial can be more or less complex. However, there are some general signs that could indicate that you are resorting to this mechanism:
- You ignore or repress unpleasant emotions such as fear, sadness or anger.
- You avoid accepting obvious facts, even when other people point them out to you.
- You overload yourself with activities and tasks without having time to connect with your inner self.
- You constantly find excuses or justifications to avoid facing responsibilities.
- You resist change ; you cling to routines or beliefs even though they are not working for you.
- Other people offer you help, support or company, but you see no reason to accept it.
- You postpone making decisions on important matters out of fear, discomfort, or because you believe they can wait.
Does the above resonate with you? Well, the first step is to acknowledge it. Denial can make the problem grow, accumulating more pain or discomfort. In fact, when a person does not accept conflicting aspects of their reality, these can reappear in psychosomatic illnesses , such as digestive or emotional problems.
Facing reality frees you; denying it chains you.
As Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung put it, “ What you deny subdues you, what you accept transforms you .” This quote reminds us that denying external and internal reality, however painful, only reinforces its impact on us. Denial can dominate our lives and hinder personal growth.
On the other hand, radical acceptance of what happens to us or what we feel frees us to look for solutions in what can be changed or accept what cannot. If you feel that denying things inhibits you, limits you or works against your daily development, or when facing important moments, think about it, talk about it with your loved ones and, of course, consider consulting a professional.