By Exploring psychotherapy? It’s normal to have doubts about the process. During consultations, don’t force yourself to address topics you’re not ready for and don’t expect immediate solutions. Here are some other suggestions.
If you have started or are about to start psychotherapy, you may feel uncertain. But stay calm: it is common to have doubts about what to avoid or do during a consultation with a psychologist. As a therapist, I must point out that it is not advisable for the patient to adopt a passive attitude, lie or expect magical solutions during the sessions.
While we are familiar with these challenges and know how to address them, keep in mind that starting conditions don’t have to be perfect— you can start from where you are. Still, here are some general ideas to help you anticipate your concerns and get the most out of your treatment.
What not to do in therapy with a psychologist?
As I said earlier, when you first consult with a psychologist , not everything should be prepared or decided. Just having a genuine desire to work on yourself is enough to take the first step. However, knowing what not to do when you see a psychologist is very useful in this process. Take note.
1. Minimize your problems or emotions
In therapy, many people downplay their own challenges or emotions. They make comments like, “It’s not a big deal,” or “What I’m going through is silly, other people have worse problems.” Be clear from the start: there is no scale of problems where some are more important than others.
Any worries, anguish or discomfort you feel is valid and important. You don’t have to tell the psychologist that your problems are insignificant or that you should handle them alone. Express your emotions without judgment or comparison.
2. Expect immediate and magical solutions
Don’t come into the office with unrealistic expectations either. In this day and age, we tend to look for instant and easy answers; the immediacy of social media and the quick advice that circulates on it contributes to this mentality.
But therapy has a different rhythm, one that seeks depth and genuine transformation. It is a process that requires time and commitment. So, if you have started or are about to start this process, remember that there are no magic solutions.
3. Have a passive attitude
Psychotherapy is a collaborative process. It is essential that you actively engage in the sessions, share what you think and feel, and be willing to work on the goals you set with your therapist . The professional will guide and accompany you, but will not do the work for you. You drive.
4. Lying or hiding important information
It’s hard for approaching to help if you keep information to yourself. At first, it’s understandable that you may feel a little hesitant to share your innermost emotions or experiences. You’re not alone. In a study of dishonesty in psychotherapy sessions, 93% of respondents admitted to lying to their therapist .
And one of the wrong attitudes towards a psychologist is not to reveal what you do, feel or think for fear of being judged. Therefore, it is essential to remember that the professional is there to help you in an empathetic way. Once trust has been established, honesty and transparency are essential.
On the other hand, it is also possible that you withhold certain information because you consider that it has no relation to your reason for consultation. The truth is that any detail, however small it may seem, could be important to better understand your situation and provide you with the best support.
5. Talking about issues before you are ready to address them
Just as honesty is important, it is also crucial to respect your own emotional and psychological rhythm. Does this mean that you should not talk about what makes you uncomfortable or hurts you? No, not at all. In fact, it is important that you give space to these topics. But you do not have to force yourself to discuss or explore things for which you do not yet feel ready .
If there are issues you can’t deal with yet, tell the professional directly: “I don’t feel ready to talk about that right now.” The therapist will adapt the approach, respecting your time and emotional limits. They will also give you the resources so that, at some point in the process, you can talk about what you need.
6. Wait for the therapist to tell you what to do
One of the mistakes you should avoid with a psychologist is waiting for him to tell you what decisions to make or how to live your life. Although it is possible to ask him for it, if you have a responsible professional in front of you, he will not give you a direct or absolute answer. Rather, he will help you explore your options and decide for you.
You should know that although psychologists do not give advice , we do provide therapeutic strategies and tools. For example, we will never tell you whether you should quit a job or not, but we do teach you specific techniques to learn how to manage stress at work.
7. Going to therapy as if it were a formality
Going to therapy is not just about showing up at the office or connecting to an online session . It is not just about keeping to a schedule to check off your to-do list. For it to be effective, it is necessary to be emotionally committed and go through it with awareness and intention. Avoid taking it as a formality or another obligation.
Do you find it difficult ? Don’t worry, you will work on this in the sessions.
If you are new to psychotherapy, be aware that it is natural to have doubts about how it works, what to say to the psychologist, and what to expect from the sessions . And it is very common to make the “mistakes” mentioned above. But all of these aspects are reversible and are addressed in the same consultation.
What’s more, as therapists, part of our job is to help you overcome them. Therefore, in the first meetings, we often focus on the following:
- Explore and, if necessary, clarify and adjust your expectations.
- Foster your commitment and self-exploration to promote your autonomy.
- Build a therapeutic relationship of trust , based on respect and honesty.
- Give importance to your concerns and emotions, and help you do the same.
Consultant and therapist form a team. So, while the psychologist contributes from his professional position, it is equally important that you collaborate. To get the most out of the sessions , it is essential that you follow guidelines such as speaking frankly and asking any questions you may have.
Going to therapy is challenging and beneficial
Beginning psychotherapy is significant, and often challenging. Opening ourselves up to explore our deepest thoughts, emotions, and sensitive experiences can be nerve-racking and vulnerable. Coping with pain is not easy.
Also, understanding how the process works and what to expect from each session can be confusing at first . In any case, don’t worry so much about knowing what to do or avoid when you go to the psychologist, the most important thing is to take the first step. Little by little, you will build a safe space to express your most intimate worries, fears or anxieties. Going to therapy is an act of self-care , and its benefits are invaluable.