By A romantic relationship between two people can become a heavy emotional burden, even though you might expect just the opposite. Find out why this happens and acquire tools to deal with it.
In theory, our intimate relationships should be a safe haven, a place where we find support and calm. But the reality can be very different. Sometimes, it is our partner who drains us psychologically.
Although painful, this situation is more common than many admit. The reasons vary: from poor communication to non-negotiable differences or attitudes that leave much to be desired, to mention a few examples. What can be done about this problem? We analyze it here.
Why does my partner drain me psychologically?
Emotional exhaustion is a state of mental fatigue and exhaustion that arises when we are exposed to emotional stress for a long time . In simple terms, it would be reflected as: “I feel like I can’t give any more of myself.”
Although burnout is often associated with the workplace, it can also occur in other areas of life, such as personal relationships. If your partner is the one who stresses you out , the first step to solving it is to identify the causes. Let’s look at the most common ones.
1. Poor communication
Not knowing how to express our feelings and needs, as well as being unable to listen, wear down even the strongest relationship. Perhaps communication fails to prevail . If conversations seem like a dead end, a battlefield, or, worse, non-existent , emotional distress will soon appear.
2. Dysfunctional behaviors
Another reason you should consider if you feel that your partner drains you psychologically is the attitudes or dynamics that we colloquially call “toxic.” This could include excessive jealousy , emotional manipulation , control, or abusive behavior of any kind.
3. Lack of emotional support
Do you expect your partner to support you in difficult times, but instead you receive criticism or indifference ? In this scenario, anyone would be enveloped in a deep feeling of loneliness and emotional disconnection. In turn, you would feel that you are not valued, nor understood, and ultimately, you would experience psychological exhaustion.
4. Lack of personal space
Sometimes, behind feeling that your partner exhausts you psychologically, there is an imbalance between your life together and your individual life. This tiredness would indicate that you spend too much time with him/her , and devoting so much energy to your relationship ends up neglecting your own needs, interests and autonomy. Do you think this could be your case?
5. Unresolved conflicts
Whether it’s due to differences in life views, differences in sexual desire , or recurring crises, not addressing conflicts can cause the emotional burden to become overwhelming. It’s like carrying a backpack full of worries that never gets lighter, generating irritability and constant tension.
6. Unresolved individual psychological problems
Stress originates from outside or inside the relationship . Couples have a strong influence on each other’s emotional experiences. Therefore, if one of them is dealing with psychological or emotional challenges such as anxiety, stress or depression, this would affect the dynamics of the relationship. In this scenario, it is crucial to seek professional help.
Signs of psychological exhaustion in the couple
Unfortunately, stress is a common occurrence in everyday life. Because of this, it is difficult to distinguish where emotional exhaustion comes from. Is it a consequence of overworking? Is it due to lack of rest? Does it stem from your relationship? It is important to pay attention to certain signs that reveal that your romantic relationship is affecting your psychological well-being.
1. Constant discussions
There is nothing wrong with having arguments from time to time; in fact, it is necessary and constructive. But when conflicts become a daily occurrence, and they arise over insignificant things, emotional exhaustion is likely to be present.
2. Loss of sexual desire
Have you noticed changes in your sexual interest lately? Are you reluctant to have intimate encounters with your partner? Although decreased sexual desire has a number of reasons, it is important to recognize it as a possible symptom of this problem.
3. General malaise
Lack of energy or motivation, as well as recurring anxiety when spending time together, represent signs that you may be experiencing burnout due to the psychological demands of your romantic relationship.
4. Irritability
Does the thing that you fell in love with at first irritate you today? Do you no longer look at him or her with the same eyes? Do you feel that there is no solution to the problems? Maybe it is time to ask yourself if the relationship still brings more joy than suffering. Perhaps you are feeling that the relationship cannot be sustained any longer and this is a clear sign that your partner is draining you psychologically.
5. Lack of confidence
If you feel that this person represents a threat to your emotional well-being, this is a pretty obvious sign. When facing this conflict, you should not overlook the fact that you feel that you are not valued or cared for by those who are supposed to support you.
Most of these signs represent, in parallel, consequences of feeling that your partner drains you psychologically. In addition to this, self-esteem problems arise, feelings of exhaustion and frustration, as well as problems with your physical and emotional health. Add to this the possible social isolation, loss of interest in activities that you previously enjoyed and difficulties concentrating.
What to do when faced with emotional exhaustion in a couple?
It is essential not to turn a blind eye to this situation, because if it is ignored, the feeling of emotional exhaustion intensifies. Ignoring problems will not make them magically resolved. So , once you have detected the origin of your discomfort, it is advisable to take measures such as the following.
1. Speak frankly about what you feel
Don’t underestimate the power of a frank conversation . Expressing your feelings without filters will open up new avenues of understanding. Don’t leave anything unsaid. Are you worried about the lack of peace between you? Express it. Are there resentments that are eating away at you? Bring them out into the open. Just make sure you maintain respect and empathy at all times.
2. Set limits assertively
It is important to protect your well-being and communicate clearly what you are willing to accept and what you are not. If the main reasons for your emotional exhaustion are, for example, excessive jealousy on the part of this person, it is crucial that you say enough. Assertive communication in a relationship is essential to maintain harmony.
3. Look for solutions together
It’s time to find alternatives to solve the problem. Remember that you are a team, not adversaries. Consider negotiating mutual compromises, establishing new norms that promote serenity and respect, and try different approaches to find what works for both of you.
Is it time to say goodbye?
When you get to the point where you feel like your partner is draining you psychologically, it is essential to assess the state of the relationship. But before making a final decision, it is worth exploring all the available options. Couples therapy , for example, can be a very valuable tool in this process.
However, if despite joint efforts and professional help, the relationship continues to be a source of discomfort, it may be time to consider going your separate ways. After all, the important thing is that both feel comfortable.