By Do you feel like you are not competent or that you always have to please others? Low self-esteem is a more common perception than you think. Learn here what causes it and how it manifests, so you will better understand this problem.
Have you ever felt inadequate or doubted your own worth? This is a struggle that affects many people and accepting it is not always an easy task. That critical inner voice telling you that you are not good enough or that you have to please others can be paralyzing and overwhelming. It is called low self-esteem, and it is influenced by family, work and social environment, age or physical and mental state.
But what are the symptoms and causes of this perception? How do they manifest in our lives? And, most importantly, how can we overcome them? In this article, we will explore them and give you practical tips to improve your relationship with yourself. You, more than anyone else, deserve to feel good and value yourself, just the way you are.
What is low self-esteem?
First, we must remember that self-esteem is a set of thoughts, feelings and perceptions that we have about ourselves. When we have high self-esteem , we like ourselves and value our achievements. But if it is low, we feel unhappy or dissatisfied with ourselves, most of the time.
At some point, we all experience self-doubt or difficulty believing in ourselves; the problem is if we start seeing ourselves as inferior or undeserving of good things in life. This feeling leads to a series of emotional, psychological and social problems. In the long term, this is counterproductive because it reinforces underlying doubts and fears. In addition, it teaches that the only way to deal with situations is to avoid them.
Living with low self-esteem can damage your mental health, cause problems such as depression and anxiety, and encourage the adoption of unhealthy habits such as smoking and drinking.
Having a low self-esteem has a huge influence on our daily lives. It affects how we perform at work or school, how we accept feedback, and even prevents us from making important decisions for fear of failure . For example, a person who does not value themselves might avoid asking for a promotion, hesitate to express their needs in a relationship, or feel incapable of learning new skills.
It is important to note that low self-esteem is not represented by a diagnosis of its own in the DSM-V, but it is an underlying factor in many psychological disorders.
What symptoms indicate that self-esteem is low?
People with low self-esteem may experience symptoms that vary in intensity. Some of the most common include the following:
- Not setting boundaries: There are feelings of guilt or fear of not being liked by others if you try to set boundaries.
- Excessive self-criticism: These are people who tend to be very hard on themselves, focusing on their flaws and mistakes rather than their achievements.
- Insecurity : This manifests itself in constant doubt about decisions and abilities, which limits the ability to take risks and pursue goals.
- Perfectionism: Someone with low self-love feels like they are never good enough and always have to try harder to be accepted or valued.
- Feeling worthless: Low self-esteem leads to believing that one is not worthy of love, respect or success, which affects relationships and performance in different areas of life.
- Wanting to please others: These people neglect their own needs and agree to things they may not want to do to avoid feeling guilty about saying no.
- Dependence on external approval : The self-esteem of these individuals may depend heavily on the opinions of others, making them vulnerable to criticism and rejection.
- Avoiding challenges: Often, these people avoid challenges and new experiences for fear of failure or being judged. This can hinder their personal and professional growth.
- Not accepting positive feedback: Positive feedback is often met with suspicion and distrust. In fact, downplaying one’s own self-esteem is correlated with not being able to accept or capitalize on compliments from others .
Causes of low self-esteem
We have already seen the symptoms, now let’s look at the causes of low self-esteem. We must start because self-esteem is not static; it can change over time and re-emerge at different stages of life, especially in adulthood.
Sometimes, our own actions or those of others can lower our opinion of ourselves at any given moment. This could be linked to behaviors that conflict with our personal values or ethics, or to negative experiences such as abusive relationships, whether with a partner , a boss, or anyone else.
The roots of self-esteem are often laid during childhood or adolescence. Factors such as family environment, school experiences, and interpersonal relationships play an important role in its formation. What else can affect it? Let’s address it below.
1. Living a traumatic childhood and adolescence
Childhood and adolescence are critical periods for the development of self-esteem. During these stages, we receive messages from various channels: family, friends, teachers, the media, among others. Their influences shape the image we have of ourselves and, when they are negative, they have a profound impact.
Children are vulnerable to criticism and rejection as they are still forming their identity and self-perception. Adolescents, on the other hand, face individual and social challenges regarding their own representation of the self, and are affected by both past experiences and expectations about the future.
When children experience constant criticism, rejection, or lack of support during these stages, they may internalize negative messages, such as not being good enough or not deserving of love and respect. As they grow older, these perceptions can become an ingrained part of their self-concept .
2. Suffer physical, emotional and sexual abuse
Different types of abuse can devastate a person’s self-esteem. Victims often internalize guilt and shame, believing that they are somehow responsible for what happened to them. This can lead to a feeling of worthlessness.
On the other hand, physical abuse negatively affects self-esteem , even when the victim has social support and problem-solving skills. In addition, this type of abuse is correlated with problems such as depression , anxiety and stress.
Emotional abuse, such as constant criticism, belittling and manipulation, is also damaging. Hurtful words and degrading treatment erode self-worth and confidence. Sexual violence adds an additional layer of trauma, making victims feel unsafe and have a negative self-perception .
3. Being a victim of bullying
Those who are bullied experience humiliation, exclusion and fear at school, an environment where they should feel safe and supported. This treatment pushes them to feel unloved. Constant teasing and harassment makes them question their own worth and capabilities.
According to a publication in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence , those who have faced bullying can become trapped in a cycle of feeling unloved or incompetent, which lowers their self-esteem and makes them more vulnerable to future episodes of this type of violence. Consequently, the authors of this study highlight the importance of interventions focused on improving the self-esteem of victims.
4. Losing a loved one
The death of a loved one generates an overwhelming emotional intensity that makes us feel outside ourselves. This loss not only concerns a parent, but also a child, friend or partner. During the period of mourning , apart from experiencing denial, our self-esteem can be affected.
Feelings of abandonment and helplessness are common, so we may feel less valuable and insecure. Loss can trigger an identity crisis, where the person struggles to find their place and purpose without the presence of the loved one, damaging their perception of themselves.
5. Pursuing perfection due to external pressures
Chasing perfection and wanting to meet certain characteristics imposed by society can become a heavy burden. When we feel like we can never live up to others’ expectations, we develop feelings of inadequacy and failure.
In fact, it has been suggested that excessive pursuit of perfection is a common response to an unfavorable view of self-esteem . The mildest negative feedback can be viewed as a failure, with imperfect performance categorized as a significant indication of worthlessness.
This pressure comes in the form of academic, professional or personal expectations. Lack of recognition or approval from family, friends or colleagues makes the person feel incompetent.
6. Facing precarious working conditions or dismissal
Unemployment can aggravate depression and low self-esteem , as can unstable or poorly paid jobs. In the workplace, lack of recognition and insecurity make a person feel that they are not valued or competent. Facing dismissal, in particular, would represent a devastating blow that leads the individual to question their abilities and their worth, affecting their self-confidence.
7. Suffer from an illness or disability that affects daily activities
Chronic illnesses or disabilities that limit daily activities affect self-esteem. People living with these conditions are likely to feel different, limited, or unable to participate fully in life. Dependence on others for daily tasks makes them feel like a burden, and constant struggle with symptoms may lead to a negative self-perception.
A paper in Social Science & Medicine notes that someone with a disability, who is more likely to suffer from depression, is also at greater risk of downplaying their self-esteem.
8. Feeling pressured by social expectations of beauty
Social media often presents unrealistic beauty standards that make people feel inadequate. On platforms like Instagram, we see content creators, celebrities, and influencers projecting an image of perfection: slim bodies and flawless skin. However, this perception is an edited version of reality, designed to show only what suits them.
The constant bombardment of perfect images in the media and on social media reinforces the idea that only certain body types and appearances are valuable. Constantly comparing oneself to these ideal figures fuels low self-esteem. In fact, various studies have concluded that they act as a universal risk factor for different eating disorders.
People who struggle with low self-perception may feel like they will never live up to these unrealistic standards, which exacerbates their insecurity. This can lead to chronic body dissatisfaction and an unattainable desire to change physical appearance.
9. Social exclusion
Social exclusion , whether for economic, cultural, racial or sexual orientation reasons, is another cause that can be related to a negative self-assessment. Feeling rejected or unaccepted leads a person to believe that they are not worthy of respect or belonging.
You deserve to feel and value yourself well, just as you are.
Now that you know the symptoms and causes of low self-esteem, we invite you to take action if you notice that you suffer from it. Remember that this struggle is not a lonely one. Seek support from your network of friends and family, and consider going to therapy. A psychologist can provide you with valuable tools to improve your self-perception and emotional well-being.
Embrace the qualities that make you unique and value your achievements, no matter how small. Treat yourself with kindness, don’t demand more from yourself than you can give, you don’t have to prove anything to anyone. We invite you to work on your self-esteem daily, to achieve your best version.
And remember that each person has their own pace and path, and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. The key to changing the way you think about yourself is in your hands.