By Watching pornography online is easy, free and anonymous. This means that more and more people are turning to addictive behaviour. We spoke about this with journalist Jorge Gutiérrez Berlinches.
If there is a growing phenomenon that is not yet talked about enough, it is the one related to online pornography addiction . Digital sex is there, hidden behind anonymity, altering lifestyles, relationships and affecting neurological and sexual development. Jorge Guitiérrez Berlinches, author of The Digital Sex Trap , explains it to us in his book.
More and more people are turning to compulsive and uncontrolled use of this content. Because in this type of addiction, as Berlinches reveals, nothing is enough. The brain needs more and more stimuli, the craving is never satisfied and the drive to be connected increases.
The effects of pornography on sexual and psycho-affective health are immense. Not to mention the normalization of practices that perpetuate sexism or violence against women and that end up being internalized by adolescents. It is time to understand and make visible a problem that underlies our society and that needs to be reformulated.
The effects and consequences of digital sex
Jorge Gutiérrez Berlinches is a journalist and promoter of the NGO Dale Una Vuelta. It is an association of specialized professionals who offer information about pornography and its effects. They also help people get out of addiction situations and try to raise awareness through social networks about the risks of online porn and the urgent need to promote quality emotional and sexual education.
The Digital Sex Trap is his first book. In it, he delves into this social problem that affects us all in an extraordinary way. He also offers key practices to educate our children without fear in a healthy and enriching sexuality . Jorge Guitierrez is also a professor of the Master of Emotional Education at UNIR (University on the Internet) and one of the promoters of the Forocompol political communication forum in 2010.
In our interview with him, we delve into the effects of digital sex with the aim of raising greater social awareness about this problem.
Q. The increase in addictions is a reality, both behavioral and substance-related. What do you think is the reason?
There are many reasons to think that we are in the century of addictions. A marked narcissism, which demands success and social appearance; individualism, a breeding ground for generating dependency; the Internet, which allows immediacy and anonymity; the confusion between pleasure and happiness and, of course, loneliness, increasingly present in our society.
Q. In this scenario, pornography addiction is becoming more and more important. Why?
Today’s pornography has nothing to do with what it was 20 years ago. Neither in terms of volume, content or consumption. Free digital sex, which you can enjoy at home, however and whenever you want, has no limits. And if you want something more, which you will, you start paying a little, but it is always affordable for everyone.
Novelty is a key concept to understand this addiction. You could say that dopamine , the pleasure neuron , is its favorite dance partner . And we have millions of different sexual videos and images at our disposal.
A guy told me that “he spent a lot of time carefully searching for the video that would turn me on the most, and each time I had to resort to stronger images, since not every image gave me pleasure.”
Q. In the book you talk about porn addiction as the perfect addiction, why?
In addition to what has been said above regarding the “novelty” factor, there is a very characteristic feature of this addiction: it is very silent, anonymous and shameful, which makes it remain hidden for many years. We are talking about one of the most intense pleasures of human beings: sex.
On the other hand, since it is a “visual” consumption, a behaviour, you can dedicate a lot of time to it, something that does not happen with substance addictions. And to top it off, we can talk about a double addiction, since it combines the use of screens, the Internet, with that of pornography. As you can see, a real cocktail.
Q. What signs may indicate a pornography addiction?
As with any addictive disorder, it is essential to detect when one cannot stop performing that action , if there is a withdrawal syndrome – physical, psychological or both at the same time – and the tolerance factor, which indicates whether you need more frequent or more extreme consumption.
Another warning sign is when one is aware of the harm he is causing to himself and others, but prefers to continue with his habits. Finally, we could also talk about the frequent search for isolation, neglecting hobbies and friendships, and of course, the greater the consumption of pornography, in the case of men, the less interest in real sex and real women.
Q. Several experts talk about the scalability of pornography consumption. It seems that the trend is to look for more and something different. What can you tell us about this?
It has a lot to do with that continuous search for novelty, in which the search itself is already exciting and forms part of the addict’s ritual. The reward system is already acting even before finding what one is looking for; in fact, sometimes there is more pleasure in the path itself than in the goal, the viewing of erotic content.
Sometimes, we are asked for help by people who tell us that they “don’t recognise themselves” or that the video they have seen or searched for “doesn’t represent them”. They realise that they have gone too far, attracted by the magnet of the search for a different and more intense pleasure. And it is a circle that never closes…
Q. Is it possible to consume porn without negative consequences?
Everyone must reflect and draw their own conclusions. At the Dale Una Vuelta association we often see that there are even negative effects on occasional consumers who do not have a serious addiction problem.
We are talking about simpler things, for example, the decrease in attraction that people feel towards normal people on the street, since the mind establishes a pattern in which most of the people in the environment are no longer as attractive, having raised the level of physical attraction demand. Even self-esteem decreases after having consumed pornography.
Q. Pornography and virtual reality, what do you think about this phenomenon?
Pornography is the queen of technological advances; it is always one step ahead, and new inventions and progress have come with it, from improvements in image quality to payment gateways or internet speed. Also now, in the case of robots and sex dolls, augmented or virtual reality.
Pornography seeks the most real, the most perfect, the most sensorial. And they are achieving it. But nothing will be the same as a hug or a caress from a human.
Q. How does pornography consumption affect relationships?
Women are the big losers. On the one hand, because frequent consumption of pornography can affect the sexual satisfaction of their partners. There are many men who have alarm bells ringing and that is when they ask for help, when they see that they do not feel attraction for real women, for their own partners. This makes them and them suffer.
Another aspect that is little studied, but also very common, is the immense pain that many women feel when they discover that their partner watches pornography. For many, it is a betrayal, an infidelity. Their self-esteem collapses and mistrust grows. For these women, as a place of welcome, reflection and company, we created the Nosotras project in our association , with testimonies, resources and a support channel and a forum.
Q. And to yourself?
It depends on many factors, each person is different, and in many cases this addiction is linked to other disorders such as anxiety, ADHD, depression, etc. In my opinion, the important thing is not to measure whether it affects me a lot, a little or not at all; but to honestly ask myself what this consumption is giving me, what benefits do I get, what price am I paying for these doses of pleasure. In short, is this the sexuality that I really want to live?
Q. In your opinion, what can we do to protect minors from the effects of pornography?
Talk, talk, talk. Sex education should be taught first and foremost by parents, little by little, in daily life, from the age of 5 or 6. They should feel loved, and live in a climate of trust with them, and for this, time must be dedicated to them, even if it is a very scarce commodity. Do I look for moments to be – well, “be” – with this son or daughter, and ask them about their things and also tell them personal matters at their level?
Then, three very basic ideas that can protect them from a high percentage of sexual content: parental control on devices, more or less flexible; avoiding sleeping with their mobile or tablet ; and helping them to use technology in a positive way, although this requires a bit of creativity and perseverance on our part as well.
Q. What can a parent do if they discover their child is viewing this type of content?
As they say, seeing an opportunity in the midst of a crisis is not a bad thing. It is not bad to discover it by watching this content, but what would be really dangerous would be if it happened and we did not find out.
When this moment comes, there is no need to get impatient, and even less so to get angry. It is time to listen, to ask without questioning, to understand without judging. It must become a conversation that will lead to many others in the coming weeks and months.
The most important thing is to leave the door open, and we will only achieve this if they see that we are willing to help, to respond, even if we apologize for not having arrived on time.
Q. In the book you mention that nowadays there is an inflation of sex, it is sold as a product, what are the consequences?
The consequences will be different for each person, depending on how they value sexuality. In any case, if sex is separated from the beauty of a relationship, from the search for intimacy or from emotional communication, in the end we are left with only the accelerated search for pleasure as our sole objective. And, therefore, we open the door to violence , to risky practices, to the culture of non-consent and disrespect. A sex centered on oneself.
Q. What is the difference between sex and porn?
Pornography is pixelated sex: we miss out on countless nuances, on edges, on the other person. Porn leads to the distortion of sexuality and the distortion of sexuality leads to pornography. In the words of sociologist Gail Dines, you can’t be pro sex and pro porn at the same time: you have to choose.
Q. To conclude, as a summary, what is the trap of digital sex?
It’s a trap because in digital sex nothing is ever enough. It seems to satisfy and leave you unsatisfied; it gives you pleasure but not happiness; it liberates you and at the same time binds you. In addition, the screen gives a false sense of security, of distance, of unreality, that nothing will affect us that much in the end.