By With a hint of black humor, in “My Stuffed Reindeer” Richard Gadd explores the terrible consequences he faced as a result of unprocessed traumas and neglect of his own psyche.
A young comedian feels sorry for Martha, a customer at the bar where he works, and decides to offer her a cup of tea for free. This compassionate gesture, seemingly insignificant, marks the beginning of a complex and destructive bond for both of them. Thus begins the plot of Baby Reindeer , a series known in Spain as Mi reno de peluche and one of Netflix’s latest hits.
What psychological profiles are hidden behind these characters? What are the motivations behind their decisions and actions? And most importantly, is it possible to prevent past traumas from affecting our relationships and contaminating our happiness? In these lines I will offer my opinion as a mental health professional. Warning: from now on, we are entering spoiler territory .
Psychological analysis of Baby Reindeer : a series about obsession, harassment and trauma
The Baby Reindeer series is not linear, predictable or categorical. It addresses sensitive topics such as grooming , trauma and interpersonal relationships from a multifaceted angle, without offering simple judgments or definitive definitions.
Richard Gadd, the lead actor and creator of the series, used his own life experiences as inspiration. He intended to create a narrative that did not precisely identify who is good and who is bad, who is healthy and who is sick. In an interview he said: “No person is good or bad. We are all lost souls looking for love in our own strange ways.”
The beginning of the series seems to outline a genuine comedy. However, as the scenes progress, the plot becomes increasingly dark and far-fetched, leaving viewers with a latent anguish that is difficult to describe. Both Martha’s vulnerable gaze and Donny’s self-destructive decisions reflect the same thing: deep pain, as well as trauma. There is no doubt that both suffer, and a lot.
Psychological profiles of the protagonists of My stuffed reindeer
Below, we explore the personality traits of the main characters in My Stuffed Reindeer , to try and understand the bond between them and the motivations behind what they choose to do. Donny and Martha have a lot more in common than meets the eye.
It is important to note that this analysis is based exclusively on what the series presents, and not on the real case or the people involved.
Martha
In My Stuffed Reindeer , Martha’s character (Jessica Gunning) is presented as a successful lawyer. However, both Donny and we, the viewers, soon discover that this is not the case and that she is actually a woman who suffers from loneliness and fear of abandonment . In her case, these wounds shape her obsession with Donny.
Because of her desperate need to feel loved, along with some hints given to her by the comedian, Martha becomes convinced that she is in a stable relationship with him. She sends him 41,000 emails and 350 hours of voice messages. She also visits him every day. She exposes herself to the rain and extreme cold to wait for him. She attacks her ex-partner and harasses his parents.
There is no single disorder that causes this type of bullying behavior, as it can involve a wide variety of factors. Yes, it is true that behind the profile of a bully , there are dysfunctional personality traits, such as emotional instability , low self-esteem and the inability to accept rejection.
In turn, these characteristics may be associated with insecure attachment styles , psychological traumas or, in more complex situations , clinical diagnoses such as obsessive-compulsive disorder , borderline personality disorder or a psychotic structure.
Donny
Donny is an aspiring comedian who works in a London bar to make ends meet. A long time ago, a well-known comedy writer encouraged him to follow his stand-up dreams under his mentorship. He gave him confidence through flattery and sweet words.
But this was just a manipulation tactic to rape, harass and abuse him in every way possible. Hoping to become a great artist, and with his self-esteem shattered, Donny continues to meet with his abuser and exposes himself to reliving these traumatic situations over and over again.
He cries out to be looked at, listened to, loved… Because of this need, he finds a certain satisfaction in Martha’s obsession with him. The tendency towards self-destruction is evident in his personality. So much so that, when he falls in love with a transsexual woman who is willing to offer him genuine and healthy love, he is unable to nurture that relationship.
Can unresolved trauma lead to self-destruction?
As the episodes progress in My Stuffed Reindeer , viewers are caught up in a spiral of tension, helplessness and doubt. We wonder why Donny allows the harassment, why it takes him so long to set limits . It is not until the sixth chapter that we get an answer from his own mouth: “I am a magnet for all kinds of crazy people. I knew I was dangerous, but he flattered me and that was enough.”
He displays a disconcerting ambivalence about his interest in her. Sometimes he rejects her, other times he seems to play along. Likewise, this leads us to understand that Martha’s belief that Donny is in love with her is not entirely delusional or irrational.
It turns out that the Scottish comedian is carrying complex, unresolved traumas, which lead him to make decisions that are difficult to understand. His severe issues with low self-esteem , rooted in atrocious experiences, fuel the destructive cycle of self-sabotage and mistrust. He clings to damaging relationships as a way to validate his worth, not realizing that he deserves more than he allows himself to accept.
People have different ways of dealing with pain. This means that unprocessed traumas do not always lead to self-destruction. But it is undeniable that the risk is greater.
Baby Reindeer ‘s story reminds us of the importance of working through emotional wounds to avoid falling into dysfunctional patterns that compromise our well-being.
My stuffed reindeer: coping, working through, healing
Donny begins to heal when he manages to put words to what he feels. Unplanned, in the middle of a show that doesn’t go as expected, he bares his soul by revealing his most intimate truths to the audience. He opens up to the audience, but above all, to himself.
He admits: “I loved her very much, but I loved hating myself more,” referring to the woman he fell in love with and his self-destructive tendency . In this transition, he exposes his vulnerability to the raw flesh and begins to redefine his story. By facing his deepest wounds, he takes the first step towards reconciling with his past and, ultimately, building a more satisfying future.
The importance of taking care of mental health
My stuffed reindeer alerts us to how one can be a victim of one’s own unresolved wounds. Martha desperately and obsessively searches for love, while Donny follows the path of self-prejudice again and again. Both are immersed in a cycle of suffering, where it seems that the dynamics between them feed off each other.
Mental health care plays a crucial role in preventing these types of outcomes. Exploring and working through our psychological traumas with the help of psychotherapy is essential. It allows us to heal emotional wounds and strengthen self-esteem, by avoiding the need to look outside for the value that we cannot find within.