By Dealing with a self-centered person is perhaps one of the most uncomfortable situations. Learn how to take control of the interaction and thus counteract their attitude.
Interacting with someone who is self-centered is a difficult task. It is normal for their attitude to irritate us and the most natural reaction is to distance ourselves. However, dealing with this type of person is part of life and that is why we must learn how to lower the ego that characterizes them.
In this reading we will discuss how to reduce the behavior of an individual with a high ego. All of this based on the premise that it is not possible to transform a person’s attitude, but we can intervene in it and avoid uncomfortable situations.
Is it possible to change personality?
The first question we will ask is the possibility of changing the personality of someone who has a big ego. It is true that this would be an ideal goal and would solve the problems at the root. However, the bad news is that it is not possible to change the way someone is.
Each of us has virtues and defects, and the only alternative is to accept them in order to be happy once we deal with them.
So, even if it is not possible to change someone else’s way of being, it does not mean that we cannot do anything to lower a person’s ego. In the end, it depends on the way we relate to others and our ability to set limits.
How to lower a person’s ego
An egotistical person is characterized by his desire to demonstrate superiority over others, which tends to affect the relationships he establishes in his environment, since not everyone feels comfortable with his attitude.
The only tool we have to lower the ego of this kind of person is assertive communication . Next, we will see how to apply it to stop the behavior of egomaniacs.
1. Set clear boundaries
In order not to get trapped in the interaction, it is essential to set clear boundaries . It is the first task, but not the easiest, and without it the rest will be useless.
Boundaries help to establish a psychologically safe ground, in which your rights are not affected by the rights of others. In order to reach this state, it is best to be direct and clear from the start. Specify what you are willing to accept and what you are not. Try not to leave room for doubt or personal interpretations, because they are unlikely to come true.
2. Communicate when you feel uncomfortable
Awkward situations are inevitable, and they happen over and over again. However, they can be handled well if, instead of ignoring them, an effort is made to improve communication .
It is about telling the other person what it is that is causing us unpleasant emotions. In addition, it is advisable to point out the feeling in particular. With this, what we intend is to make the egomaniac aware that his words and actions have consequences. Surely, this way his awareness will increase and little by little he will be more careful in the way he treats others.
3. Apply the extinction technique
A common mistake is to unconsciously reinforce ego-boosting behaviors. A classic example would be smiling in a moment of display. Such an action sends the message that the attitude is correct, encouraging it rather than diminishing it.
Instead, it is more effective to apply the behavioral technique of extinction. It is as simple as ignoring and overlooking the moments of greatest vanity. But it is not enough to do it once. As stated in an article from Konrad Lorenz University , for such extinction to be effective, it must be applied consistently and perseveringly.
4. Try to understand where that behavior comes from
Every behavior or attitude is not innate, but rather acquired through experience. What we mean is that someone who is egocentric is not born that way, they learned to be that way.
If we keep this in mind, it will be easier to start a conversation. In addition, we can go further and try to understand what is behind this behavior. In many cases, the person protects themselves from their insecurities by building a shell of pride.
5. Show him other ways to behave
As we said before, it is not possible to change anyone’s personality. However, we can provide alternatives for behavior. Propose a new perspective on how to live in a more friendly, simple and other-friendly way.
For example, what you can do with people who have a lot of ego in the workplace is to convince them about the benefits of teamwork .
6. Be patient and try to put yourself in their shoes
First of all, whenever you deal with an egomaniac , keep in mind that the problem causes difficulties in his daily life, and he may even suffer because of it.
Viewing the situation from a compassionate perspective will reduce the distance between the two parties. Even though the attitude is irritating, consider that he does it because it is the only way he knows how to relate.
7. Focus on discovering their virtues
An overly high ego is a flaw, but it is certainly not the only thing that defines that individual. Making the effort to find the positive points will change the way we perceive them.
This will help to deactivate the ego , since we will not only see it through the failure, but we will have a more complete vision in which the good and the bad parts coexist.
8. Boost your self-esteem
When dealing with a person with a big ego, it is normal to feel ignored and in a position of inferiority . However, this dynamic encourages negative attitudes.
On the contrary, if we work on strengthening our self-esteem , we are less likely to let ourselves be trampled on by anyone. Also, you will have the necessary strength to speak up when you perceive something you do not like.
9. Be a role model
Words can have a great impact, but it is essential to show change not only through speech, but also through concrete actions. In this sense, we can be the best model of change. It is not about telling someone how to behave, but rather promoting transformation unconsciously through a humble attitude .
10. Give criticism in a gentle way
One of the problems with someone with a high ego is that they don’t usually do any kind of self-criticism . Even so, it doesn’t mean that they do everything perfectly. Like every human being, they make mistakes, and not pointing them out doesn’t help them in any way.
When they make mistakes, it is best to criticize them in a gentle way. You have to be careful not to make them take it personally. It is best to focus the criticism on the action and not on the actor. Also, offer options for correcting the mistake.
11. In teams, foster a group culture
Self-centered personalities have great difficulty working in a team. They tend to pursue their own interests and not consider others, making it unlikely that the group will prosper.
Therefore, if there is someone within a group who wants to stand out, you must remind him of the team values . The most important one is that no member is above the guarantee of the others.
Handling the situation is not easy, but it is possible.
Dealing with people with a big ego is a task that puts us to the test. It is not easy at all, but life will force us at some point to share with them. So, it is essential to learn to handle these situations, otherwise we will find ourselves trapped in a negative dynamic.
If you take into account the advice shared here, you will not only be able to maintain a good relationship with such individuals, but you will also take care of your mental health and even be able to lower the ego that distinguishes them.