By Understanding why you can’t stand others is the first step to overcoming this feeling. If the problem is that your values clash with those of others, perhaps you need to work on tolerance. We explain more strategies.
For some people, socializing isn’t always enjoyable; instead, they feel happy to come home and be calm. They find interaction uncomfortable, challenging, or boring. Does this sound familiar? If this situation is bothering you and you want to find a solution, the first step is to recognize the root of why you can’t stand people.
Feeling intolerance towards others has various causes; accumulated stress, introversion or past wounds are some of the reasons. Let’s find out more about them.
Possible causes of boredom with other people (and what to do in each case)
There are several answers to the question “why can I not stand people?” We already said that identifying the specific cause would be key to addressing and, if necessary, changing this situation. Below are the main possible reasons for the difficulty in feeling comfortable with others, along with strategies for each case.
1. Accumulated stress and fatigue
If you’re overwhelmed by pressure and worry, you may be expected to feel irritable. Sometimes, what seems like a general intolerance toward others could be a reflection of your emotional state and not necessarily a characteristic of your personality. It’s helpful to reflect on whether you’ve always had this tendency or whether it arose in tandem with the buildup of stress .
To do
Rather than worrying about your social performance, focus on reducing your stress levels . Review your habits and priorities, implement relaxation strategies, and make sure to set aside time for leisure and rest. By relieving tension, your social tolerance and well-being may naturally improve.
2. Tendency to introversion and feeling overwhelmed when surrounded by people
Introverts often feel exhausted after spending a lot of time interacting. In fact, they need moments of solitude to recharge their batteries. Could your feeling of exhaustion when being around people be due to your inclination towards introversion?
To do
First, accept your need. There’s nothing wrong with preferring quiet over constant stimulation. However, it’s healthy to seek a balance between your personal time and your social time. Just be selective about who you spend time with and choose environments that are comfortable for you.
3. Negative experiences in your past relationships
If you have experienced strong conflicts, rejections or betrayals in the past, you may find it difficult to trust anyone today . These experiences leave a mark on how you perceive people and relationships, creating a kind of emotional barrier to avoid feeling the same pain.
To do
Attending psychotherapy is useful to heal these wounds and overcome their effects. It also helps to approach new social interactions gradually, choosing people with whom you feel safe.
4. Not feeling in tune with what the majority values
“I can’t stand people. Why does this happen to me?” One answer to this question lies in feeling that your values , interests and beliefs differ from those of the majority around you. If they value things that you reject, or vice versa, it is natural that you do not feel aligned and comfortable in their company, especially if you perceive that they do not contribute anything to you.
To do
In this case, the work is twofold and complementary. On the one hand, it is important to cultivate relationships with people who share, to a certain extent, the same way of seeing and living life. At the same time, it is essential to try to maintain an open and tolerant attitude towards differences , while always respecting your own limits.
5. A childhood without sufficient social stimulation
Although it’s not a universal rule, if you had few opportunities to interact with other children or participate in group activities as a child, you may feel out of place in social situations today. Socialization in childhood is crucial. If you were lacking in this area in your early years, you may find it more difficult to connect with people today and choose to isolate yourself.
To do
To feel comfortable in social contexts, you need to expose yourself to them gradually and strategically. Start with small goals, such as participating in short conversations. Joining clubs, sports teams, or groups with common interests is also very helpful. These environments allow you to meet people and practice your social skills without all the attention being focused on you.
6. Unrealistic expectations
You may expect everyone to always be kind, attentive, and understand 100% of what you need, or that conversations are always pleasant and without misunderstandings. But the truth is that relationships are a little more complex and that would be a compelling reason to question why you can’t stand people.
These expectations can lead to frustration or disappointment when others don’t behave the way you imagined. You then begin to perceive people as problematic or insensitive.
To do
It’s important to work on accepting that human interactions are full of imperfections. Learn to accept small mistakes or misunderstandings as a natural part of relationships. However, this doesn’t mean you have to compromise your non-negotiable values.
7. You feel superior to the rest
Feelings of superiority can lead you to view people in a critical and distant light, believing that they are below your standards. This feeling may make you find them boring, uninteresting or superficial, which decreases your interest in interacting with them.
To do
Take a moment to reflect on why you feel superior. Do you surround yourself with people you don’t really admire at all? Or is it a way to compensate for insecurities? Could what annoys you about others be a reflection of something you need to change about yourself? Either way, cultivating humility can be key to changing this perception.
8. Feeling inferior to others
You may also experience the opposite: feeling inferior. If you constantly compare yourself and feel like you don’t measure up, social gatherings tend to become too awkward and challenging. This pressure would make talking to people exhausting . As a result, you avoid people out of fear of judgment and rejection.
To do
Start by recognizing your worth and strengthening your self-esteem . This process is most effective with the guidance of a therapist. It is also very important to surround yourself with empathetic and kind people to relate to, rather than those who seem to enjoy seeing others suffer or fail.
So, am I antisocial?
You may find it unbearable to talk to people or share space with others, and wonder if you are antisocial. At this point, it is essential to distinguish the term “antisocial” from the concept of “asocial,” according to psychology.
The first refers to a person who defies social norms and ignores the needs and rights of others. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM), someone with antisocial personality disorder usually shows a lack of empathy, impulsivity, and often acts in an aggressive or manipulative manner.
Having an antisocial tendency , on the other hand, is a personality trait that does not involve being violent or destructive. Much less is it classified as a personality disorder. Rather, it refers to a lack of interest in participating in social life and seeking the company of others. Thus, someone with an antisocial tendency is distinguished by the following:
- Prefer to spend time alone.
- Identify with introversion.
- Understand and respect laws and social codes.
- Prefer quality over quantity in relationships.
- Feeling anxious, shy , or nervous in social settings.
- Being able to maintain long-lasting and satisfying relationships .
- Having less developed social skills due to lack of practice.
The key to tolerance is self-knowledge
You don’t have to force yourself to get along with people you don’t connect with. You also don’t have to force yourself to feel comfortable in situations that don’t suit your preferences or needs. It’s not about changing who you are or your values.
However, it is important to discover if there is something blocking you on a social level and find ways to enjoy the company of others. Introspection and inner work are crucial elements in this process.
Psychotherapeutic care can make a huge difference. Think of it as an investment in your well-being: a little outside help would help you feel better about yourself and others.